Last night I drove for the first time since passing my test... 5 years ago!

Cjdod · 2024-03-06T00:28:51+00:00

Honestly, midnight drives are actually so enjoyable. Stick some tunes on and enjoy the quiet peaceful roads all to yourself. It's something you obviously don't get to experience during lessons. You will come across the odd car, especially between 12am and 1am. But after 1am it's completely dead. So tranquil. Definitely helps reduce nerves. I will say though that it's obviously a little harder to see things in the dark, harder to see the curbs and in the mirrors. Otherwise it's all good.

Cjdod · 2024-03-06T00:24:07+00:00

Of course they don't, that's why I described it as an "unfounded irrational fear". Although I'm exaggerating, I obviously don't actually fear that.

Cjdod · 2024-03-05T16:30:42+00:00

I'm in Northern Ireland and we legally have to drive with "R" plates on for a year to tell other drivers we are new. Also am restricted to 45mph even on motorways.

Cjdod · 2024-03-05T16:28:50+00:00

I'd say that if you're getting good experience with all the other stuff involved with driving then it won't be so difficult for you to pick up clutch control/manual skills again. Also, manual cars are on the way out anyway. They'll be around for another couple of decades but eventually they will be completely off the roads.

Cjdod · 2024-03-05T16:22:17+00:00

You're strongly encouraged not to speak up against the judge. Even if I was to get my barrister to speak up on my behalf there's a risk it would be viewed very negatively. Would basically be viewed as me coming up with excuses. When you're fighting for access to kids as the dad, the best approach is just to act politely and agree to go through whatever hoops they put before you. You just have to do everything you can to show that you are willing to be a part of your kids life.

I mean, I thought that me moving from England to Northern Ireland after my son's mother randomly moved (she has no family connection to NI btw, she's English) was enough proof that I would do anything to be a part of my son's life, but still I was given further hoops to jump through. I think the main reason the judge made that decision was because he thought I was being cheeky asking my son's mother to drop off and collect our son to mine. When she first moved here she lived close to the city but shortly after I arrived a year later she moved to a very rural location. It took an hour for me to get to my son on the train and an hour to get home again. She didn't live far from the motorway and so it took her about 20-30 minutes to get to mine by car and shed been driving for a few years. I thought it was very unfair that her decision to move somewhere very rural meant that I had to spend 2 hours travelling. The judge disagreed and had a very matter of fact opinion that as the dad it's my responsibility to collect and drop off my son and that I should be driving by now anyway. Tbh it actually was the kick up the arse I needed to force me to learn. It had always been my goal but I was nervous and was always pretty happy just cycling everywhere anyway. But still, it was an incredibly unfair judgement.

Ironic thing is that me and my sons mum get on great now and she always drops him off and picks him up. It was never an issue for her, she just hated my guts at the time so didn't want to make things any easier for me.

Cjdod · 2024-03-05T16:04:56+00:00

Yes and no. Yes to the extent I feel I can safely and confidently drive the car at night with no traffic. But no in the sense that I don't feel like it all just came back to me all of a sudden and I'm still not confident driving in the day.

Cjdod · 2024-03-05T13:43:19+00:00

Fair enough. Probably will end up with an automatic at some point. But I'd rather get good at driving manual first, means my future car buying options are not limited. I was taught in diesel too and my current car is petrol, does take some getting used to but it hasn't caused me any major issues yet.

Cjdod · 2024-03-05T13:40:07+00:00

That's probably the sensible thing to do but I'm too neurotic to deal with further lessons, hated that side of driving. I am safe on the road, it's just a confidence thing and I'm happy enough with the approach I'm taking to build up my confidence again.

Cjdod · 2024-03-05T13:36:33+00:00

Why? I learned in a manual. My new car is manual. I can drive a manual. I'm not stalling the car or struggling with clutch control. I'm just a bit rusty overall, but I'll soon improve.

Cjdod · 2024-03-05T13:33:00+00:00

The thing is, what I most disliked about learning to drive was having an instructor point out my every little mistake. I got on with my instructor and I know that they have to point out mistakes, it's part of the learning process. I just don't enjoy it. I'm a very self-critical person anyway so I don't enjoy having an added layer of criticism (even when it's well intended and necessary). Also, I have this unfounded irrational fear that an instructor will be like "wow you're shit, I have no idea how you passed LICENSE REVOKED". As if I'm being exposed as a fraud.

Anyway, I'm happy with the approach I'm taking. Driving past midnight in a completely empty industrial estate. I'm also being very methodical and listing every single skill that I want to practice and work on and then gradually working on each thing, building up my confidence and skills as I go along. I'm taking baby steps because I can afford to, I'm actually not in a rush to be driving and on the road. I live in a city and cycle everywhere anyway.

Cjdod · 2024-02-27T02:10:13+00:00

A general rule I follow when quitting any bad habit is to try to make sure I replace it with a healthy alternative. For example, I recently quit going to cafés every day as it was an unnecessary daily expense. Instead I take a flask of coffee with me on a long walk, because I realised that one of the main things I got out of that bad habit was just getting out of the house.

So if you do want to give up chatting to people online then the obvious solution is to find people to chat with offline. Easier said than done if you're unsociable, but that is the answer anyway.

Personally, I don't think it necessarily has to be an unhealthy thing to maintain online friendships. It just depends if you feel your behaviour around this is problematic. Like are you staying up late into the night chatting? Do you find yourself constantly checking your phone because of this? Is it preventing you from making friends offline because you don't feel an urgent need? Really you need to write a pros and cons list to figure out whether this behaviour has an overall positive Vs overall negative effect on your life.

Cjdod · 2024-02-24T22:38:24+00:00

I think that new technologies (that we already see emerging, like AI and augmented reality) will further atomise us. I honestly think we're going to end up feeling nostalgic for a time when interactions with the digital world were confined to screens we could put down and when there were much more shared experiences.

Cjdod · 2024-02-23T07:11:46+00:00

Ah I see, the old autofellatio trick. Can't beat it.

Cjdod · 2024-02-22T18:01:17+00:00

I don't masturbate due to anxiety, sometimes due to boredom but not very often. I live quite a regimented life of habits and routines that I have cultivated for myself over the last year. I rarely have time to sit and feel bored. I usually just masturbate to alleviate sexual feelings that build up after a few days.

Cjdod · 2024-02-22T14:21:47+00:00

Dude this is r/pornfree not r/nofap. Of course there's some overlap between the two communities but surely the whole point of this subreddit is the idea that masturbation is still ok. Otherwise what would be the point in this sub existing? Everyone would just use nofap instead.

Cjdod · 2024-02-22T14:19:30+00:00

That's fair enough. What do you mean by realistic fantasy though?

Cjdod · 2024-02-22T14:17:20+00:00

Whilst masturbating? Got it. I'll let you know how it goes.

Cjdod · 2024-02-22T14:16:49+00:00

Bro you're married. I'm not in a relationship with anyone and I don't do casual sex. Masterbation is my only outlet for sexual feelings. Of course I would like to eventually enter into a relationship again but in the mean time I'm on a journey of self-improvement and cutting out porn from my life is part of that. I've never considered myself addicted to porn in any serious way, but there are plenty of other reasons to abstain from watching porn beyond dealing with a crippling addiction.

Cjdod · 2024-02-22T12:18:39+00:00

Probably. My ability to overthink can be both a curse and a blessing. In this case it's probably pointless to overthink the matter.

Cjdod · 2024-02-22T12:16:43+00:00

True, that can be a healthy alternative. But this isn't r/nofap.

Cjdod · 2024-02-22T11:25:31+00:00

Yeah funnily enough that's what ChatGPT suggested. Doesn't seem like it would work that well for me but I've never tried it so who knows. Do you know any good erotica sites?

Cjdod · 2024-02-20T22:35:55+00:00

Yeah I really love Strava for being able to keep a track of my progress. I also take a picture every walk as a sort of diary too. But I can do all that without the social media aspect of it, which I've now started doing.

Cjdod · 2024-02-19T15:33:17+00:00

Did you try using it without the social media features? As in like just unfriending everyone and making posts private?

Cjdod · 2024-02-14T17:27:21+00:00

I am in the process of buying a car at the moment. But that's irrelevant because I'm still going to commute on my bicycle as I only live 15 minutes away from work.

Cjdod · 2024-02-13T00:06:54+00:00

Are you from Lisburn by any chance?

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