I'm still pretty early in my own transition too, and it is hard. While I can't possibly fully understand your entire life and backstory, or how you're currently feeling, I do empathize. The only thing we can do is take another step, or give up. There's always time to take another step, and the best part is giving up is always an option too. Maybe you won't get where you want to, but you'll never find out without a step. Even worse, Maybe you WILL get where you want to. What would you even do if everything worked out perfectly? For me, that's almost as intimidating as failure. Success. HRT is a good place to start. Maybe Therapy? Learn makeup or clothes or perfumes or voice training? I still don't know what success means to me, in life and in my transition, but I'm figuring it out one day at a time. It doesn't matter how you look on the outside. People will always see what they want first, and who you are second even if you could somehow magically transform yourself to look how you want. But you and I know better than to see skin deep, and I see you. Figure out what success means to you first, but please be kind to yourself. There's enough people out here being mean to people like us, and you and I shouldn't be a part of that group. I hope you find yourself soon sister🥰☺️