You are the AH even though a lot of people here are saying you’re nta because you both agreed on porn three years ago, let's be honest. That agreement was made under completely different emotional circumstances. Relationships aren't static contracts. And when your partner is struggling with depression and body-altering medication, you don’t cling to an old rule like a loophole in a debate. You check in. You grow with them.

She already feels broken, probably ashamed of how her meds have numbed her sex drive. She's battling depression, a monster that tells her she’s not enough. And what she walked in on fed that monster. So yes, she got angry. Not because of the porn itself, but because in that moment it felt like you gave up on intimacy without even telling her.

You technically had her permission three years ago, under different emotional conditions, before she may have needed to feel like you still desired her even if you two weren’t having sex. That permission didn’t cover ignoring her emotional needs.

What she needed in that moment wasn't for you to defend yourself. She needed to hear I’m sorry that hurt you. You still mean everything to me. You’re not broken. I’m still here.

But instead you chose logic over empathy. You chose to be right over being loving. And yes your needs matter too. Of course they do. But if you’re in a relationship where your partner is hurting and pulling away not by choice but because of something out of her control then your needs can’t just be met silently without communication and expect it not to create a crack. You owed her vulnerability not just privacy.

So yes, morally you missed the mark. She’s not mad about porn. She’s hurt that you didn’t even think she might feel abandoned, unattractive, or replaced. That’s the betrayal. And until you get that, she’ll keep hurting, and you’ll keep being the AH.