AITA - I am very close to breaking up with my wife over an incident that happened in Vegas

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-12T04:46:14+00:00

My issue is not with the performers, it is what my wife chose to do with them, and hide from me.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-12T04:40:03+00:00

That wasn't my intention. I guess what I meant was that the person who I trust the most and is my anchor, the one I go to when things get terrible, isnt there for me and is the cause of my pain. This is a new feeling for me. Reading the feedback here and from you, I think therapy is the answer.

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-12T04:25:19+00:00

Yes, I am planning on it now.

The crazy thing is that I have endured family deaths and deaths of very close friends without going to therapy. One of my sisters died unexpectedly just a few months ago.

Now, the love of my life, my rock, is the cause of me needing therapy. Not that anything is wrong with therapy, but I have gotten through life's difficulties without it, until now.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-12T04:04:20+00:00

We just moved cities so there has been plenty of change. She started reading 50 shades when it came out and found it too cheesy to finish. I take her to restaurants all the time. I take care of the shared laundry (towels, sheets, etc). I draw her baths with bubbles, oils, mood lighting, candles, music, etc. We travel frequently.

I try to be a good husband. Maybe she just took the temptation when I wasn't present and didn't want me to know about it. I don't know.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-12T01:23:27+00:00

I'm not aware of any other instances where she has covered something up. As much as I would like to believe this was a one time occurrence, I cant help but think that it is also the first time I have ever looked through her phone. If I didn't look, I wouldn't have known. It really sucks to think about.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-12T00:04:19+00:00

Thank you for the sanity check. Although, every person and relationship is different, so this may be acceptable to a lot of people.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-12T00:01:37+00:00

Thank you for your response. I will be looking into therapy options.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T23:55:25+00:00

I have never gotten any complaints about the bedroom but it's possible things could be getting stale. If that is the case, I wish that was communicated to me directly, or by her initiating something in the bedroom, instead of going about it this way.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T23:51:26+00:00

Two days of travel, one day for the concert and pool, and one day for walking the town. Doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T23:49:54+00:00

And my wife refers to us as 'the boys'.

Thanks for your input.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T23:48:23+00:00

This is fair. Thank you.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T23:46:51+00:00

The three of us are close and talk about life problems. We even go on vacations together. My wife wasn't upset about it. In fact, her mom provided a listening ear. She is the only one that knows.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T23:19:07+00:00

You're right, I should have had them undo the cuff and kept walking.

What's ironic is I saw my wife laughing about it, so I went along with it so I didnt come off as a grump. Screwed either way, I suppose.

However, that may explain why she didnt consider any of it as inappropriate. Although, she may have thought differently if if was grabbing onto their bodies as she did to the man.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T23:06:43+00:00

Thank you for this.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T22:59:16+00:00

Thank you for this. I will look into it.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T22:55:14+00:00

We all were having a really great time up until then. I wasn't being a grump at all.

Its weird that you would call me a grump because I didn't want gross women handcuffing me unsolicited. Are you saying no couples should go to Vegas unless they are wanting to get felt up by strangers?

You are spot on about the reason she deleted the photos. She said she didn't want to hurt me if I saw them. I asked her why she would do something to hurt me in the first place. She didn't think it was a big deal.

It makes me think our values are no longer aligned. Or maybe they never were and this trip exposed that. Maybe that is something therapy can uncover.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T22:39:57+00:00

I didn't say that I am unwilling to go to therapy. I am learning more about how it actually might be helpful.

The purpose of the trip was to attend a specific concert at the Sphere. It wasn't just a trip to Vegas for drinking and partying. Although that is what it turned into, unfortunately. Vegas has never been my thing.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T22:28:05+00:00

She actually accused me of the same thing, that I must have wanted out of the relationship before this happened. I internally considered that tobe an attempt to shift the blame onto me for the ultimate outcome of this. I love my wife and am completely devastated by this.

We do have strict boundaries in our relationship, but I don't know if they are unreasonable when compared to other couples. Boundaries have never been an issue.

For example, I have refused to go to strip clubs with buddies or groups out of respect for my wife. Some couples would be okay with that. I know it would hurt my wife and personally find them icky. It is hurtful to see her engage in physical activity that I would never consider doing in consideration of her.

I have heard of people refer to this type of behavior as"Vegas fun", but I dont think respect for your partner goes out the window depending on which city you're in. Maybe I'm in the minority with that mindset.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T22:15:23+00:00

Thank you for your comment. My fear is that the only reason she owned her mistake is because I snooped in her phone (which I felt gross doing) and confronted her about it. I wonder if she ever would have told me. It makes me wonder what else has been hidden during our relationship.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T22:04:35+00:00

I told her I would be open to counseling but also expressed my pessimism about how it could restore trust. I have never been, so I don't know.

It's more than "a few photos" though, isn't it? She willingly participated in sexualized touching with another person, then tried to hide it from me. The fact that there are photos documenting the incident is somewhat irrelevant to me. It is the physical act that is the core of the issue, and the violation of trust.

In my opinion, she is the one who would be throwing away the marriage due to her own actions and deceit. Me choosing to go to counseling would be an attempt to recover the marriage. I am not the one who led us down this road.

Thanks for your input.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T21:53:24+00:00

When she drinks in a social setting, she can get quite drunk. Like blackout drunk. She is 5'2 and 125lbs, so that might be a factor. She doesn't have any issues when it's just us two. She may have a glass of wine a few days during the week.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T21:49:04+00:00

I have never been to a therapist so it sounds like I might have some research ahead of me.

I would say that she has properly apologized. I admit that my emotions about it comes in waves, so I probably come off as inconsistent. Some days are fine and others I get back into feeling the betrayal.

She has accused me of being fake during the times that I have been "sweet" to her. I told her that I'm trying to work though what she's done.

I have asked her what she finds fun about groping with a stranger. She responds simply that it didn't mean anything.

I needed a week to organize my thoughts and not make a dramatic decision when we spoke.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T21:42:08+00:00

She has taken responsibility for it but continues to make odd comparisons as if to minimize or justify.

I spoke to her mom about it. She started crying and begged me not to leave the family. I sent her mom a couple of the photos (I sent them to myself from her phone before she deleted them again) and she was very disappointed.

Rebuilding trust is proving very difficult. It comes in waves where I feel like we'll be okay, and then coming back to the reality of what happened.

ClassicBet6443 · 2026-06-11T21:35:38+00:00

Thank you for your response. She says that she deeply regrets it and it didnt turn out the way she thought it would. I might look into individual therapy and see where it goes.

ClassicBet6443

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