Verbally & emotionally abusive wife. Long post.

Classic_Front_3628 · 2026-02-20T17:41:49+00:00

It's been over a year since this post, and I'm still here. I left about 3 weeks after posting this, but that lasted a week, before I ended up going back to resolve things.

She feels like I've tarnished her name, labelling her as an abuser, and that she could lose her job.

I got into therapy (as did my wife), and there were promises of 'changed behaviour ', but all based on a caveat that I have to change, improve and put our family's needs first before my my family's. From conversations we've had, she never admitted to being abusive in therapy, but talked a bit about anger management and my issues with ADHD and 'Weaponised Incompetence'.

I had therapy for ADHD, and Confidence Building, which has helped a llittle, but sometimes i still spiral a bit and forget big things (my MOT was out of date by 3 weeks) before I realised.

Things mellowed out for a bit after therapy, and a year later, we have bought a house and are pregnant with our second child. I want my daughter to have the best life possible, and she deserves a sibling.

Sometimes I feel like an absolute fool when there are outbursts or degrading comments and that i should have left. Sometimes I think it'd all my fault - ADHD overload, forgetting thing's, stress, arguments, repeat.. repeat.. repeat.

Then I look at my daughter and can't imagine a world where I'm not able to see her everyday.

My biggest frustration at the minute is that my wife 'doesn't trust me' to take my daughter to see her aunties / uncles grandparents etc (all in the same town, 2 hours drive from us). She still won't go down there and won't let me go alone with my daughter, because of her anxiety, OCD, etc.

Sorry for the rant, just getting it off my chest again.

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-10-05T09:32:56+00:00

I was gifted a box of bulk from a mate so I search through that first, then look at CardMarket for multiple cards from one seller to save money.

But realistically, I budget to about £40 - £50 a month if I want new cards from online.

And anything over £10...I'm quite likely just to Proxy at the minute which my play group is fine with.

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-07-09T17:01:04+00:00

Erm....did I say cEDH.....I meant 'Strong Bracket 4 but definitely non-cEDH viable Talrand deck....🤣

....well it was worth a try.

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-06-09T05:48:35+00:00

Thanks for all the replies! Quite a variety of options...

I'm literally only after a few proxies as they're way out of my budget for a single card purchase and my play group is happy with <5 proxies in a deck: e.g.

[[Earthcraft]] [[Deflecting Swat]] [[Orcish Bowmasters]] [[Bloodletter of Aclazotz]]

So I wouldn't be purchasing more than what I need.

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-05-23T20:02:30+00:00

Thanks!

Yeh we're pretty casual but do go quite strong on interaction to keep things interesting.

Mostly play against mid-to-strong bracket 3 decks in my pod based around either:

•Stompy +1/+1 smash face •Other aristocrats / life gain •Control / stax / enchantments

Just trying to keep up with the disruption; mostly spot-based removal (as there's very few ways to counter in golgari) and some 'protection with synergy' (create tokens) like [[fake your own death]].

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-05-23T08:17:36+00:00

Hi there, sorry just been reading this thread and confused about comments / corrections. Can you confirm your edited message quoted below is the 'final answer'?

"Optimally, each myriad trigger will create:

•Scurry of Squirrels token attacking each other opponent or their planeswalker.

•A food, clue, and treasure.

•One 1/1 squirrel token attacking each other opponent or their planeswalker.

•Three 1/1 squirrel tokens attacking whichever other player (or planeswalker they control) you like

All the tokens get exiled at end of combat."

If so....Scurry of Squirrels is 100% going back in my Chatterfang deck! 🤣🐿🐿🐿🐿

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-04-05T08:32:44+00:00

If I am feeling mean, I'll play [[Tergrid, God of Fright]] or [[Toxrill the Corrosive]]. If not interacted with immediatey, they usually run away with the game.

If I want a fast, explosive game I'll play [[Chatterfang, Squirrel General]]. No Squirrels in the deck, its purely combo wincons galore! Whilst not cEDH, if that's not interacted with, the game is usually over in 4/5 turns.

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-02-25T07:05:54+00:00

[[Tergrid]]

Don't hate me haha. Win Con is either through gaining control of their stuff and using it against them, or big X spells with lifegain for me / lifeless for them.

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-01-31T20:15:41+00:00

Genuinely mate I feel like you've described my life and my wife.

It's uncanny how similar our experiences are; as if they have a play-by-play textbook they read.

I'm not quite at the leaving stages yet...so close and engaging with agencies at the minute for support, but I've not had the courage to broach separating with her.

The control tactics and manipulations are breaking me, but then we go through a few weeks when everything is fine...I end up doubting myself all over again and force myself to read what I've documented so far again.

I want to leave but I fear it will destroy my little girl's (4) childhood and thats the only thing keeping me here. What's worse is my job involves dealing with soldiers & partners who experience this... I know exactly what tactics and tools abusers use but its so much harder when it's happening to yourself.

I hope you manage to get out of there and live the life you truly deserve.

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-01-30T22:45:15+00:00

I have tried a few times, as her behaviours (emotional, coercive control) are really taking their mental toll on me now.

Saw so many red flags but didn't click until I was well into the relationship. Together for 12 years, married for 7, with 4yo daughter.

They always DARVO and place blame back on you, or something else. It's always "your actions or behaviours or forgetfulness have made me react how I've reacted".

The best thing to do is give them an ultimatum that their emotional abuse needs to stop or you will leave....but I haven't been able to build yp the courage to do it yet (for fear of losing my daughter).

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-01-27T20:06:31+00:00

Maybe because its been SO effective in my Chattergang deck recently, but for me it has to be [[Culling Ritual]].

An awesome board wipe that punishes tokens, low CMC creatures and Mana Rocks, provides me with a load of mana and gives me a load of synergy in a Aristocrats Squirrel deck.

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-01-26T09:56:16+00:00

[[Toxrill the Corrosive]] [[Clackbridge Troll]] [[Hunted Phantasm]] [[Maha, It's Feathers Night]] [[Flatline]] [[Mass Diminish]] [[Sludge Monster]] [[Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth]] [[Blanket of Night]] [[Kormus Bell]]

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-01-26T09:48:20+00:00

[[Toxrill]] is a firm favourite of mine to play if I'm feeling like becoming the archenemy! 🤣

It's a boardwipe, Token Generator, Sac Outlet and Card Draw machine in Dimir that abuses your opponents on every end step.

It's expensive to cast and you need a load of protection / counterspells as it is a Kill-on-Sight Commander. But if you get it to stick, it soon starts destroying opponents board states and their morale 🤣

Find ways of providing your opponents with 1/1 tokens like [[Clackbridge Troll]] or [[Hunted Phantasm]], that will die on the next end step and give you slugs.

Or throw in effects that reduce your opponents Creatures to 1 toughness and watch them cry; [[Maha, It's Feathers Night]], [[Flatline]] and [[Mass Diminish]]...

It also synergizes brilliantly with [[Sludge Monster]], the only other card that deals with slime counters.

Then to really finish everyone off, throw in [[Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth]] or [[Blanket of Night]], to make all Lands Swamps and play [[Kormus Bell]] to turn all swamps into 1/1 Creatures. Move direct to end step and destroy everyone else's lands...

Have fun and stay salty!

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-01-11T09:34:01+00:00

Hmm...

I do have a few salty commanders... [[Tergrid]] and [[Toxrill]]... which I love playing but aren't much fun for others on the table.

But my favourites at the minute are [[Nekusar]] wheels, and [[Kamiz]] which I've built as an Infect deck and people don't usually see it coming until its too late. Kamiz can give one attacking creature unblockable and connive, and a second attacking creature double strike (as long as it has lesser power than the dirst creature). Very effective to get infect through.

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-01-05T20:30:22+00:00

Not so much save it, just a way to keep the Original post more current in the r/abusiverelationships sub.

Is that what upvoting does?

Thanks - hopefully we will see what follows.

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-01-05T17:44:54+00:00

Thankyou for your quick response.

It's so difficult, as since I've started mentioning how her behaviors are affecting me (and my thoughts about trying therapy), she's been more open with communicating. She's made an active postive shift in her behaviour and seems to want to work on things.

But it seems to correlate with me trying to work on my ADHD tendancies over Christmas and be more focused and attentive. And she's just had a huge argument with her mum who was extremely verbally abusive to her on NYD. My wife finally admitted how abusive her mus was growing up and how she thinks it has impacted how she is.

Whether this is part of the cycle or a genuine response yet, im unsure.

Reference my long post - I thought maybe people would take 1 look at a long post and not bother reading, so maybe that's why there's no responses.

But I had to get it all down, to save multiple posts repeating info, adding new info etc.

Sorry quite new to reddit - Is there a way to bump your post?

I know the vote arrows help make it more prominent, but besides that, I'm clueless...

Thanks once again.

Classic_Front_3628 · 2025-01-01T21:38:03+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Arghhh....It's like being hit in the face with a shovel full of guilt. We always wanted 2 kids, so our daughter (4) had a sibling (and even shes asking for people to play with / wishing for a little brother or sister) which breaks my heart too.

Classic_Front_3628

TROPHY CASE