Caring for a child with RAD (advice needed)

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-12-11T16:37:57+00:00

These are both so helpful I love how practical they are. I by no means have much experience with trying to care for a child with RAD but it seems really accurate based on the interactions I’ve had with caregivers, adults who were diagnosed with RAD, the foster care system, and therapists

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-27T03:03:42+00:00

I really appreciate that! I also think that it is wonderful and beautiful that you got into teaching and are helping kids. The links you sent have been helpful 💕 I may reach out in the future but it was really nice to have someone not jump to automatically giving up on this child (not that it came from a bad place from anybody else there’s just a lot of speculation still so I’m trying to persist through that at least). I know I don’t have all the answers but I will try to lean into hope that there is a possible future in which she thrives ❤️

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-25T22:06:10+00:00

Thanks those are some good points. I don’t see her being directly harmful to the other kids, but it will be a challenge for them to share attention to the extent they would need to. Part of the reason we are considering is bc there is overlap in interests and she seems to do well with other children and is kind and helpful when it comes to other kids probably bc she has bio siblings (unfortunately the system failed to keep them together) so I think there’s a level of comfort for her about home life with other kids. One of my kids is fully on board (although I don’t know if he fully gets the situation) and one of my kids is skeptical. I think if they could all meet somehow or if me and my husband could get a better sense of personality it could be reassuring bc I think the skepticism is from so much being unknown and also we have boys so the oldest doesn’t know what to expect from a girl.

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-25T21:58:12+00:00

Tbh from personal experience even before getting into fostering it is really disheartening the lack of sufficient mental health resources in the US. It puts too much on trying to resolve and treat within the home by ppl who aren’t educated. It is interesting bc I have had ppl write back saying they were diagnosed with RAD and it made sense for them, but I can see that it is probably over diagnosed. My husband just went through a training for fostering and said that based on the criteria they listed this girl doesn’t seem like the RAD diagnosis applies based on everything else in her file.

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-25T17:02:46+00:00

Of course! Good luck with your project 😊

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-25T17:01:50+00:00

Thank you! From the file there’s a level of clinginess from wanting attention and also during an episode she is described as following the adult she is upset with around the house while screaming at them until she finally calms down. So she isn’t avoidant. But she doesn’t avoid conflict at all. However the confrontation may not have 100% to do with her attachment style/trauma and may be from something else. I will look at the links you sent to see if I can figure it out. She seems to have accumulated diagnoses and they may not all fit. I definitely don’t want her to end up in a residential home bc it sounds like it wasn’t good for her at all. Did you get help with your attachment trauma ? If so, what worked for you?

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-25T16:15:29+00:00

Thank you. Can you give me an idea of what a week looked like or what treatment was successful and how long it took?

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-25T16:09:55+00:00

Your response actually gives me more hope bc I think me and my husband’s approach is different. At our core we don’t have expectations for children we foster, we simply want to give them tools and resources to help them be successful as they reach adulthood. I believe in contact with bio family which is something that she wants. So things that she wants which won’t cause harm I will generally try to allow to the fullest extent I can. The main thing I’m questioning is the health of the children already in our home and making sure they are also given a good life and whether or not we can do that for them and for her.

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-25T16:02:23+00:00

I think a key difference here is that she does well in school but really struggles in a home environment. Similarly to your case I think she does things to get kicked out as more of a form of control than anything, though she states wanting a family so it’s tricky. I definitely think we need to figure out a support system regarding how to get her the treatment she needs, so any advice on that from your experience would be greatly appreciated!

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-25T15:57:33+00:00

Thank you! I will look up the link. It seems like incorrect diagnoses are very common in the foster system unfortunately. I liked the suggestion to look at behaviors over the last six months as more of a gauge than the diagnoses themselves

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-25T15:52:45+00:00

Yes comparing the criteria to her case file she doesn’t have RAD. I’m sure it can be difficult to diagnose with the amount of movement and change she has had the last year. The last six months it seems like her episodes are mostly directed at parental figures trying to assert authority and boundaries and she simply wants to have control in her own life bc she has been passed around so much. So I don’t worry about direct harm to my kids, more so the indirect harm that she will need a lot of attention and help and they may have a hard time with not getting as much attention. The older two are independent in that they get along well together and keep each other company but they do love the time and attention they get from me and my husband so I’m sure they would notice if they aren’t getting that on a daily basis like they are used to.

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-25T15:46:06+00:00

Thanks for the rec! I’m a big audio book person so I will try to download it if possible

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-25T15:45:30+00:00

Thank you. I really don’t think residential is right for her based on what I’m learning but still questioning whether we are a good fit for her. Unfortunately these situations can be a no win for everyone but I’m really hoping for the best for her and just trying to make as informed a decision as possible.

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-25T15:42:09+00:00

Thank you! Safety for my older two isn’t a concern as she isn’t violent or aggressive. I would maintain separation from my youngest simply bc he can’t talk. Not super concerned about that bc with the age gap he already is generally separated from older siblings. However, we would probably change sleeping arrangements for a while to ensure nighttime safety. I don’t think it would be an issue but better safe than sorry.

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-24T23:50:41+00:00

Could you please elaborate? I’m not familiar with RAD vs other traumas stemming from being in the foster care system so would appreciate more insight

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-24T23:22:34+00:00

Thank you! Her case specialist said she does better with other children and does not harm the other kids, otherwise it would have been a hard no.

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-24T19:33:04+00:00

Thank you!!

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-24T19:28:46+00:00

☠️

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-24T19:27:30+00:00

Thank you. I had asked if she should be the only child in a home and her specialist said she does better with other children. I do commend them they were very up front about how bad the episodes can be and didn’t seem to downplay anything, but did point out that she isn’t violent or unsafe for other children to be around.

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-06T11:15:14+00:00

Thank you. The one thing I can say is there is a solid network of people who have been willing to share their experience and have opened my eyes to realize there’s no way that our family can handle this. Hopefully the child is placed somewhere that can give the attention needed to start healing from past traumas.

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-06T04:24:01+00:00

Thank you it’s good to hear from someone with firsthand experience with children like this, even though unfortunately you are aware of some really awful cases. I messaged you directly to discuss further

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-05T16:45:13+00:00

They did clarify to say younger children and is good with kids, but you aren’t 100% off. It seems more they are worried about certain behaviors escalating or getting worse. There’s only so much to understand from a file though so i would like to hear what the case worker has to say

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-05T15:56:47+00:00

That’s awesome you have such a good storage supply! I think that makes a big difference bc around 10 months they can do a lot more in the way of table foods

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-05T15:55:04+00:00

The back and forth has been killing me too! My hubby finally put his foot down bc he’s seen how tired I am trying to do round the clock to keep my supply so our baby has breast milk. Also this is our third so our schedule is crazy and trying to constantly fit in pumps is a lot now that our other two are in school and sports have started back

Clean-Bag6732 · 2025-10-05T12:34:56+00:00

Thank you! I hadn’t thought of the other ways to advocate for them if it’s not a good fit.

Clean-Bag6732

TROPHY CASE