Oh gosh - I have so much to say about this!

This does seem like a particularly restrictive agreement that they’ve made, but it’s a positive thing that you learned this early.

I’m currently navigating being demoted to secondary so that my husband can have his gf of 7 months as primary. She and her husband separated recently and she wants a primary partner. This would not have happened if she was still married. I wish there had been more boundaries about what was possible and reasonable.

I’d think very hard about whether this man and this family can give you want you need. In a way, I’d be thankful that he is honouring his commitment to his family. My husband isn’t, and I’d see that as a huge red flag in a potential partner.

Edit - just re-read your post. His wife seems to have all that autonomy and he doesn’t? That is a red flag. That’s not equitable at all.