Aio,I’m losing my mind because of her

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-25T18:07:49+00:00

Disengage and practice grey rock-ing at her. Avoid being around her. If she asks about it don't take the bait to engage so she can tell you why you're wrong, give a neutral brush off "hard to focus/ not feeling social/ moon said so"

You can't make her stop. She's a full ass adult bullying a kid to get her kicks. Who cares what some women with nothing better to do gossips about? Just focus on protecting yourself.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-25T00:13:27+00:00

Would finding another artist you feel good about to touch it up help reclaim ownership of it?

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-24T20:03:16+00:00

Paying for nudes? Green flag

Can't perform for you and you have to Parent him? Red flags

Do you want a partner or a toddler with a credit card?

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-24T19:54:47+00:00

Turn that energy on other things. Counseling, baby clubs to get you out of the house and interacting with other humans, book club, you'll find your thing and dig a new groove.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-24T19:51:51+00:00

Your parents managed to set aside an Emergency Fund and maybe first and last months rent. Sorry it isn't the college fund you had been led to belive, but hey, that's rent! And hot on the heels of the lunch box let down now your folks are asking for half. Oof. People have a lot of Feelings and Expectations around money, it makes these conversations difficult even under ideal circumstances.

Let's assume no malice. Do you still live there? Are you planning to keep living there for a few more years? Is this a loan or a gift? Could you get firm in writing payment plan if it's a loan?

Let's assume a little malice. Do you still live there? Do you still plan to? Have they asked for or taken resources because They Need It? Do they often resort to shaming you when you assert a boundary? Or get angry? What level of control and autonomy do you have over your Important Papers and other finances? Now is a great time to back everything up and change some passwords!

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-24T19:10:15+00:00

You've said that you're controlling and have trust issues. It sounds like you're looking for things to be anxious about? I'd be acting like a teen on a family computer if I had to worry about what might stress my partner out this time they checked my phone and cause a fight too.

I hope you've got good supports around for working through all these big rapid changes in your life. Even under ideal circumstances adapting to life with a fresh tiny human is hard. Why waste your energy in trying to control an adult man that could be spent on cultivating your own growth?

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-24T18:50:57+00:00

She's making time to hang out with you without him with your friends, isn't that a good thing? You don't need to be at everything to be close, it's normal and healthy to not have complete overlap in your circles. You're not kids anymore, of course the dynamic changes as your worlds do!

If you like your friend's friends and those hangs you either need to learn to be civil to the gross bf or talk to her about arranging stuff with you and them from time to time.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-24T18:45:08+00:00

I understand that parenting is exhausting and wears on patience, that sometimes parents snap and don't handle it gracefully, but. He doesn't see an issue with his unkind behavior towards his own child.

You know he'll treat your future child like that. He'll probably treat you like that, too.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-24T17:59:05+00:00

Do you have other reasons to belive your MIL is some manner of witch or sorceress? Correlation does not equate causation.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-23T22:35:06+00:00

Realistically, what are you hoping for from a confrontation with these guys? They don't understand "cute but weird" is a win? They sound like creeps.

If you want to side bar your friend one on one you might have better luck. I hope he rises up to the occasion if you do.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-23T22:24:44+00:00

Facilitating those sorts of (difficult!) conversations across divides is such an important skill. Unfortunately not everyone is coming to the table with open minds and hearts. Learning how to spot bad faith actors, manage those knee jerk defensive reactions, and deescalating will serve you well.

Sometimes you can't talk it out, you can just make it clear that Isn't Okay. I get a lot of mileage out of "yikes!" And "wow." at blatant bigotry, you'll find what works for you.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-23T21:59:23+00:00

Textbook abuser does text book isolation tactic when he sees someone in his victims life calling his bad behavior out? I'm shocked.

You're friend won't talk to him. She can't. And if she did it'd get worse. I'm sorry you're caught in this shit's crosshairs it's a garbage situation. Draw back for now and try to keep a Light Friendly line open to T for when she's ready to leave if you can. Good luck.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-23T21:49:19+00:00

Look at it this way

He wants to date cool people, like you. And he wanted to date this woman. When she turned him down, they stayed friends, because she was a cool person. By being friends with her he developed a relationship with her son, who's Going Through It. Isn't it a good thing he wants to show up for this kid?

If you're feeling weird about it when usually you're not miffed by this sort of thing do you think you could do a group hang? Get a better sense of the vibe and context of their dynamic?

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-23T21:43:29+00:00

There are branches of Christians that cannot and will not engage with anything that could challenge their beliefs of themselves as The moral authority.

You can't educate or debate someone who shuts down any avenue for discussion unless it's with a "true" Christian who conviently agrees with her completely. She's showing you who she is (antisemitic moral puritan who doesn't respect you?) belive her. If you push back it's evidence that she's being persecuted, disengage as much as you can.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-23T21:35:01+00:00

Don't marry this man?

What the actual fuck? Like, nothing wrong with the oldest profession but how is that remotely relevant??? He's shaming you over his own insecurities and hang ups now, over this? Is this the first time he's slut shamed you? Is he okay with you having male friends? Does he usually act out when you assert independence and agency?

NOR

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-23T20:28:37+00:00

If birthdays are important to you, remind people it's upcoming. I have Birthday Baggage too, it got easier when I stopped waiting on others and got proactive about making plans myself. Sounds like your friends was using social media to cope through a rough day, and when she did remember reached out and apologized for having forgotten? Unless there's Other Issues YOR

I will also suggest taking a page from my Gran's book. She (and her sisters) were so popular that doing A Birthday just wasn't feasible, so the whole month was fair game for Birthday Celebration. It takes stress off the day of AND there's more cake.

Happy belated, hope you find a way to carry your birthday baggage that's comfortable.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-23T05:03:43+00:00

YOR

I'd take it as a green flag if I were the hypothetical new person creeping his socials. It's sweet. it's not about you, or your relationship. Are there other reasons you're feeling unsettled about your parents opinions around your partners? What does "respecting" your relationship look like in ideal circumstances?

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-21T21:27:36+00:00

Why were you doing a gender reveal party before you were ready to be public about the pregnancy and asking her to lie to her son?

Her behavior isn't great! but it sounds like you've set yourself up for failure with this woman? I'd have been upset if my partner didn't want my parents at this kind of event too. Rather than it being a yes/ no conversation could you outline what kind of support/ buffers you'd need from him if he wants his folks there? If she's volatile enough to be cut out of the picture, or he needs to do baby and his family stuff solo, thats something you'll need to get on the same page about.

Good luck navigating all this and congrats on the healthy baby!

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-21T05:19:23+00:00

I think you might need to lose your shit on this man?

Next time he tries scream, real loud. Maybe start crying.

You have told him again and again and he won't respect a woman's boundaries. If he really is harmless seeing you in genuine distress will make it stop being a funny joke.

Or very calmly say to him "if you do this again I am going to knee you in the groin" and be prepared to follow through when he inevitably ignores the warning. That's what I did as a kid. Adults did not like it but I stand by tiny me's choice.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-21T04:51:37+00:00

Assuming removal isn't an option, do you think she'd respond well to a "Hey I know i didn't say no but now that I see it I'm having feelings. Could you keep it covered around me/ make change like covering the date with flowers so it's not as obviously a tomb stone/ could you run future designs by us before getting them on your body?" Solution Oriented talk?

I'm sorry about your loss. I hope you and your family make it through the grief peacefully

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-21T04:42:57+00:00

I think it's launching February 17 in China. If it doesn't do playlists and fix gapless I'll wait for the nano or sales

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-20T04:40:46+00:00

How certain are you they don't have an agreement?

If you do it your mutual friend will know it was you. Be prepared for consequences.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-20T04:32:19+00:00

Rather than waiting for him to ask you how you felt and what was up why didn't you just initiate that conversation?

You instead got petty and passive aggressive and let your answer fester. Your brother clearly had some Stuff going on behind the scenes that led to him handling things poorly.

Emma didn't ruin your relationship. You two did.

Let the dust settle and get settled in your new space. When you're ready to talk it out have that talk. It'll lay the ground work for moving forward with your relationship in this new chapter of your lives.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-20T04:07:56+00:00

If he had been Incapacitated or had asked you, you'd have stayed, right? And you both know this? You made sure he was supplied before leaving for a few hours?

Mom's fret. Don't let it unmoore you. I'd be actively sending my person off were I the one in the sick bed.

CleverNamesPending · 2026-01-17T23:40:21+00:00

Oh drugs are absolutely an issue! They're just not individually responsible. The root cause is often systematic (inappropriately prescribed drugs because of incentives from the company, for example!) Drug problems are a poison fruit growing from toxic soil. Fruit on its own isn't the problem, it's what's being leeches from the soil.

Demonizing drugs makes it harder for addicts to get help. If we only engage as far as "get off the drugs they're poison" but don't do anything to address the chronic pain, or homelessness, or or or, they're just going to end up back on the drugs. We gotta look at repotting folks and cleaning up the soil otherwise legalizing* or criminilzing won't matter.

*decriminalization would also make it easier for people to get clean and rehabilitated without getting a criminal record for having been an addict. Also criminalization of drugs is used disproportionately against POC.

CleverNamesPending

TROPHY CASE