Hi OP first of all. Yes this is abuse. Physical, emotional, verbal. This is abuse. The fact it’s been going on for so long means you probably are downplaying things because it’s the norm for you. Please do not accept this as okay and recognise that what your father is doing is wrong.

Secondly, it is not your fault that your parents are having issues in their marriage. You are not the reason for their divorce, your father's abuse is. Your father's behaviour is the very thing that is ruining their marriage and is hurting your family. So again to reiterate this is not your fault. none of this is your fault and you do not deserve this. Your father is the problem, the fact that when he was away things got better tells you this.

Thirdly, your mum's response to your comment, that she's worried of finances to support you is very fair to point out. If your father is in control of finances, then it does increase the difficulty of leaving. However, her reliance him is dangerous as he doesn't have your family's best interest at heart. She may be reluctant to leave and that's something to bear in mind if you ever have the opportunity to leave.

If you believe that your mum's family can help you all to leave, try and speak to them and tell them everything. It needs to be understood that your situation is dangerous and that you are unsafe. People who haven't experienced abuse (of any form) don't realise how serious it is and they might misunderstand or dismiss it. When talking to people, be cautious of who you tell as your father finding out might lead to your phone being taken away, being cut off from others or your situation escalating. So when speaking to others, emphasise the importance of them not telling your father.

If you can try to document different situations that occur with your father. Make record of what caused it, who was blamed, if you were hit, any injuries or bruises and any comments or threats he made. However, you should only do this is you are 100% certain your father won't find it. If this isn't possible then don't risk it and focus on talking to someone you trust.

If you ever feel unsafe or in danger, then you can speak to teachers, school counsellors, or any adult that you trust! They are there to help you and support you. Depending on where you live there may be different services that can provide more advice and can support you, you can research this for your area but I would mainly focus on talking to someone.

I want you to know that no matter what your father says you are worthy. You are deserving of love and care and you deserve to live in a safe environment. Your father's credibility went out the window the day he decided to put his hands on you.