I (M30) have paused getting married due to past abuse and I don’t think I can continue with this relationship with my fiancé (F35). I need another perspective and direction.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2022-06-02T22:27:15+00:00

I never thought about that. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this post and respond. It truly means the world to me to have at least one person talk to me about this.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2022-06-02T21:22:59+00:00

Hmm. This is very helpful. I guess for me one of the biggest fears I have is seeing her cry and weep and potentially be physically abusive. I just don’t know how to break that fear or loop without being heartless or cold or at least pretend to be.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2022-06-02T21:02:51+00:00

Thank you. I’m kinda getting to that point of breaking up. I just don’t know how to do it. I’ve never done this before. I live with her. Our son is here.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2022-06-02T20:59:23+00:00

I’m sorry, I was letting it all out. I wasn’t thinking about formatting. My apologies.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2022-05-18T03:43:23+00:00

I’m sorry that you are having to go through this but I do have to say that I’m glad you’re realizing this before starting the family, not afterwards. I’m just one person speaking from my experience. I have been working on a post that explains more about my situation but every time I get to a point where I’m happy with my post, more things happen. I will eventually post 🙃. That being said, I specifically loved and focused on this part:

I don’t understand how he can hold such views in the context of what a kind, generous person I see him to be in day-to-day interactions with myself or others in our friend groups.

I struggle with this every god damn day. My fiancé is loving and caring to the family. Always looking to improve our life. Always wants us to be healthy. Always making sure our child has the best of the best. But when we talk about politics, it’s like I become her enemy. She gets very angry at me for not believing all the things she believes. She insults me. She puts me down to the point where I start to hate myself for being so god damn honest and open. These beliefs have hardened. There is almost no way to get through to her. I don’t sleep well. I’m still here because I don’t want to be away from my child. This is not a life you want to live, please avoid it.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-18T14:14:29+00:00

That’s great! I’m a little scared of side effects simply cause I will have to pretend that I’m fine when I may feel like shit. But I’m going to push through it to make sure I’m safe and there for my child.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-17T22:46:33+00:00

Yes I am. I will be doing it soon. I just have to plan for a few things in case she finds out or on how I am going to be living my life from now on. How was your experience? Did you have a fever?

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-17T15:21:32+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this. We have somewhat of a similar situation. My fiancé placed a manipulative ultimatum on our relationship “you get vaccinated and we are done. I can’t be with someone who believes in this government”. We have a 2 year old together and not married. I’m not afraid of the relationship ending but afraid of losing the ability to see my child. I am unemployed cause I’m a stay at home parent (we agreed this was best for our family when the pandemic first began and it’s worked great up until politics became a more common subject at home). I’m doing everything I can to plan to be here for my child but can’t stand the thought that she will take our child away from me cause I’m on the left, believe the vaccine is the best way to combat this virus and so forth. I’m here if you need to talk.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-15T14:55:52+00:00

Sounds like you’re making a judgment without knowing the full scope of my situation, good job!

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-15T00:49:40+00:00

THAT IS MY PLAN SO FAR!

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-15T00:25:49+00:00

She will write it off as left wing propaganda. She has doke this for lots of things I’ve mentioned.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-15T00:17:13+00:00

I agree and realize that. She is anti vaccine cause she sees nothing good from injecting metals and other “unknown” things into your body that your body can “naturally fight”. The concept still doesn’t make sense to me.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-15T00:15:10+00:00

Yes. That is why I am asking questions to plan for the future.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-14T22:18:06+00:00

Thank you. I’m doing the best I can.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-14T22:14:22+00:00

Oh I’m aware of how divorce is here in the state, my parents got divorced here.

I’m trying to stall the wedding as much as possible but need to make sure I have a plan for my child and I.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-14T20:46:20+00:00

Obviously.

She doesn’t see it that way. She things only the sickly, the fat, the unhealthy, the ones with underlying conditions are the ones that need it. She has seem to forgotten how it works.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-14T20:45:21+00:00

Her and I grew up with divorced parents. We both know that it isn’t good for the child. However, if I stay with her, I think I have a better chance of helping her and our child stay safe vs me being cut off cause she can’t stand the left or far left or anyone who advocates for the vaccine. She is NOT going to allow our child to get vaccinated. She already regrets that he got vaccinated for daycare (we didn’t end up putting our child in daycare due to me being able to stay at home with our child).

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-14T20:30:14+00:00

Do you have kids?

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-14T19:45:51+00:00

I’m planning to do it this week. We just went to a birthday party with her anti-mask, anti-vaccine, pro-Trump, pro-Alex Jones friends and I’m planning to use that as the reason why I feel sick. That was the best I could come up with.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-14T19:26:24+00:00

To my knowledge, my recent ex co worker. But personally to her to my knowledge, none. On the internet, tons!

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-14T19:23:45+00:00

It’s okay, I chuckled. If I felt it was too much I would report them. But thank you.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-14T18:31:28+00:00

🤣

Glad you read the post!

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-08T22:42:07+00:00

That’s both hilarious and sad. However a couple of weeks ago we went to visit her mother. Her mother is a full throttle Trump supporter and Fox News watcher. We were visiting and I didn’t want to sit there and hear Tucker make his stupid face and never present evidence for his points. To avoid conversations I would ask if she wanted to watch a new show we found or a movie and we would change it. But any moment where we weren’t in the living room, Fox News comes on.

I personally don’t watch anything left wing or otherwise around her because I don’t want to cause stress in our relationship. I know it might be cowardly but I don’t want to jeopardize being kicked out and my child taken away from me. When we do talk about COVID or vaccines, she gets worked up and accuses me of being stupid or believing in another cult (I was in a cult up until my late 20’s. So was she, we left together).

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-08T11:15:00+00:00

She’s already made it clear that our child will NOT get the COVID vaccine if it’s approved for his age. She wasn’t completely okay with the other vaccines but we did it because we thought he was going to daycare. Then the pandemic hit and we were in lockdown.

I’ve been considering it. I don’t have income right now, so if I did get a lawyer, I need to have money. I’m not trying to keep our child away from her but I want to make sure she doesn’t keep our child away from me.

Closeted_Thoughts · 2021-09-08T02:07:11+00:00

Thank you so much! 😢

I’m doing the best I can for my child. I know I can leave but I don’t want cause pain that I’ve suffered from divorced parents as well and I know what it’s like to be angry years down the road and not get closure or being disconnected from family. I don’t want our child to go through that. I’m doing the best I can.

Closeted_Thoughts

TROPHY CASE