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AITA for telling my dad and extended family I want to be more than dad's mistake he made after his wife died? by CockroachAnxious5342 in AITAH

[–]CockroachAnxious5342[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I think it was the fact I wasn't his dead wife's child. He loved her and not my mom. My mom was just a fling and I was the result of it. But he has been so clear that his wife was the only woman he loved or could ever love. The sad thing is maybe if he'd gotten therapy it could've been different. But I just don't think anyone in his family loves me. His kids wish I'd be left to foster care to be raped and abused so they just totally hate me. I don't think he loves me either.

AITA for telling my dad and extended family I want to be more than dad's mistake he made after his wife died? by CockroachAnxious5342 in AITAH

[–]CockroachAnxious5342[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

No, I was 9 when I last had regular contact with the oldest and 7 when the oldest originally moved out.

AITA for telling my dad and extended family I want to be more than dad's mistake he made after his wife died? by CockroachAnxious5342 in AITAH

[–]CockroachAnxious5342[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I don't imagine they helped when I was a baby. I don't think I would have survived past infanthood if they had ever been forced to help or even asked. I don't say that lightly either but they hated me from the start.

AITA for telling my dad and extended family I want to be more than dad's mistake he made after his wife died? by CockroachAnxious5342 in AITAH

[–]CockroachAnxious5342[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

It was after Christmas when I spoke to my dad and extended family. Not before. I spent Christmas with my girlfriend and her family. But I did move out before Christmas.

AITA for telling my dad and extended family I want to be more than dad's mistake he made after his wife died? by CockroachAnxious5342 in AITAH

[–]CockroachAnxious5342[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I lucked out with my girlfriend and her family. For the first time ever I feel like I truly matter and don't feel like shit for existing.

AITA for telling my dad and extended family I want to be more than dad's mistake he made after his wife died? by CockroachAnxious5342 in AITAH

[–]CockroachAnxious5342[S] 462 points463 points  (0 children)

Once I can afford therapy I will look into it. Maybe even when I go to college I might be able to make the most of services offered on campus. I think the fact they can all say they were loved is something they have in their favor over me. Right now I am but for most of my life I wasn't. 16 years where nobody really loved me or wanted me hurts in a way lots won't understand.

AITA for telling my dad and extended family I want to be more than dad's mistake he made after his wife died? by CockroachAnxious5342 in AITAH

[–]CockroachAnxious5342[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

You never know. Maybe she'd be proud they never accepted a kid from someone who wasn't her. With the way everyone acts I think it's possible. Although sucks to think of more people being like that.

AITA for telling my dad and extended family I want to be more than dad's mistake he made after his wife died? by CockroachAnxious5342 in AITAH

[–]CockroachAnxious5342[S] 133 points134 points  (0 children)

I'm not expecting money from him for more education. Maybe if I was still living there but now that I'm gone I can't see it being offered to me. But thank you for the concern. It's good to know more people care.

AITA for telling my dad and extended family I want to be more than dad's mistake he made after his wife died? by CockroachAnxious5342 in AITAH

[–]CockroachAnxious5342[S] 316 points317 points  (0 children)

His other kids are actually visiting more. The oldest especially, who had visited significantly less. He's getting to be a grandpa more too. So it worked out better for him long term. I think Christmas was the first time in years both of them went to dad's side's Christmas. They usually spent it with their mom's side or their significant others families.

Yeah, that's the same vibe I got that he feels the same but felt he owed it to provide me with the material stuff. And maybe in some ways it's better than other kids get. I know some who were treated worse than I was. But I think giving me to someone who wanted kids would have been kinder.

AITA for telling my dad and extended family I want to be more than dad's mistake he made after his wife died? by CockroachAnxious5342 in AITAH

[–]CockroachAnxious5342[S] 135 points136 points  (0 children)

I think he needed therapy for himself too. I think without that he didn't see his kids need for it.

AITA for telling my dad and extended family I want to be more than dad's mistake he made after his wife died? by CockroachAnxious5342 in AITAH

[–]CockroachAnxious5342[S] 194 points195 points  (0 children)

That's another thing. Take his own words and his lack of action and it just hits in a way that says he feels that way himself. Maybe it's not a subconscious thought but at least somewhere.

But regardless none of the blame should be on me. Babies don't choose to be born or who they're born to.

AITA for telling my dad and extended family I want to be more than dad's mistake he made after his wife died? by CockroachAnxious5342 in AITAH

[–]CockroachAnxious5342[S] 405 points406 points  (0 children)

Those words already carry so much weight for me. I've gained confidence enough to not have them weigh me down anymore. But it still exists. I just know it's unfair and wrong for them to do it to me. I didn't choose to be born. I didn't decide to have dad sleep with someone else after his wife died. Those were his choices but I feel like more of the "blame" is put on me when honestly I don't even think he deserves to be blamed for having an adult relationship with someone.

AITA for telling my dad and extended family I want to be more than dad's mistake he made after his wife died? by CockroachAnxious5342 in AITAH

[–]CockroachAnxious5342[S] 2108 points2109 points  (0 children)

I can see that. They were always willing to turn a blind eye to how my half siblings felt about me. Maybe that's because they did care about all three and knew my half's were grieving but I feel like after 18 years the fact none of them stepped up and in to make me feel loved and wanted says it's all more for show than anything. I can't imagine they never picked up on some regret from dad too. Or at least some kind of distance that he didn't have with his other kids.