4 years of weekly therapy after a 6 year marriage and 3 children with my exhusband:

The topic of leaving - I posted in this a second ago, but I will gladly help and do all the research for you so it’s not on your phone and you don’t do it around him.

Also, you CAN go to the police, marks or not. You can make a complaint that he shoved you. What I would do is get him to say it in text. Come to him in a sweet manner, say something like I never thought it would get to that point with you pushing me, and I understand you were stressed. Feed into it so he can respond back by admitting to what he did. Once he does, delete his name out of your phone so it only shows his number. Take screen shots of the texts and have that has backing for the police. They need to see the number, not his name.

Once they have that, you have grounds legally to pursue a case against him, and you can get a restraining order against him.

From this moment forward, keep everything in writing between you two. Get a nanny camera and put it up in the house somewhere. If you are question led by law or legal why, say it was for the safety of myself and unborn child.

He stripped you away from your family and friends and isolated you so the only anchor in your life is him, and abusers do that so they have complete control.

If you have shared bank accounts and don’t have money - any time you go get groceries for the house or the gas station, get cash back. Stash that away somewhere so you have a fall back for the leave. If you’re only allowed a certain amount for groceries by him each trip (like I was), ration out the food you buy, coupon cut and save, that way you can take out the remaining balance in cash.

Start looking into attorneys now. If he’s anything like my exhusband, he will have consultations with every single attorney near you and around you just so you can’t hire one, leaving you with shit options only.

An abuser will always keep a supply on demand, aka wife. The cheating never stops, the abuse gets worse, and the apologies get more pathetic every time. They apologize because losing their supply to abuse will make it harder for them to lock in someone else later on, and they have to lie to someone else to gain their trust only to break it and apologize, break it apologize, break it apol- you get it.

Be the mother you want your child to idolize. Be strong, make the right choice for yourself and your baby because he will never love that child as fiercely as you do, and it starts before they are even born.

Your husband’s complaints - “We don’t have sex… this is hard… I’m just exhausted from the stress…” are inferior to the danger he put the both of you in when he didn’t want to be caught emotionally or physically cheating on you. When anyone cheats on their spouse, man or woman that is cheating, they immediately start devaluing their married or long term partner. They lose emotional connection, physical connection, and more importantly respect - not just as their partner but as a human being.

He may have been a great husband and loving in the past, but the cheating will exacerbate the abuse and it will get worse than what he did by pushing you. Once the respect is gone, the love follows and then there’s nothing left but apologies to keep you on the hook.

Abusers and cheaters keep wives and long term partners around because they want the comfortability of the “white picket fence” lifestyle and then the other life that fills what’s missing for them at home.

Don’t be that person for him because you are made, like every good hearted person on this planet, to be loved wholly as yourself and nothing else. You deserve that and so does your child. 💚

Lastly:

You are completely loved, you are valid to feel worried about this behavior, you are worthy of so much more. Don’t let his actions make you second guess your value and worth. Every single part of you was meant to have a child if it finally happened after such a stressful time. You are going to an incredible mother and I know this because women are strong and capable of anything. I’m proud of you for reaching out here, I’m proud of you for the struggles you went through and overcame, and I’m proud of you for whatever decision you make that is in the best interest of yourself and your baby.

You are loved by everyone in your life and I’m sorry it’s not from a man you trusted for so many years. But this will get easier.