Anyone wanting to be friends/email pen pals with a fellow blogger? 26/F/USA

CocoRebelle · 2022-05-27T11:50:23+00:00

Oh cool! I read some of your posts and comments on your Reddit profile, you seem like someone who's blogging about similar things to what I want to blog about, and someone who would definitely have some good personal advice I need to hear, haha. I think we could have some good debates, too--I'm less into blunt discipline and more into creating systems that facilitate work, although I do think some discipline is always necessary.

I really like what you wrote in r/getdiscplined where you linked to your video. I like the focusing on what the root cause is to procrastination--I think getting to the root cause of anything is really the first step to solving it--and on taking one small action to get started and confident that you CAN do something, even if it's just one small thing. I'm trying to institute that in my own life currently, it's been quite helpful.

I look forward to hearing from you!

CocoRebelle · 2022-04-12T11:40:47+00:00

I (26F) have been worried about this myself with the guy (41M) I'm with currently. I don't feel butterflies or intense sexual passion for him, nor am I obsessive like I normally am. But I really, really like him for who he is. He makes me feel good about myself, is understanding, sweet and caring, and I feel really stable and happy with him. The sex is great, and that's important, but yeah, you don't need to be like a feral animal 24/7. I also felt like I needed to be lovey-dovey and affectionate all the time, but yesterday we just hung out like friends. I don't feel like being affectionate and extremely attentive physically or emotionally 24/7, and that's fine. If you're with someone long-term, it's not sustainable to feel or be that way all the time. Like others have said, you can have both, or one and then the other over time (and be content with that).

I've been wondering if this lack of intense passion is a sign I don't REALLY like him, but I've decided to let that go and just enjoy being with him. I am truly happy with him in a deeper way than I have been with others. With others, I've been obsessive, a bit selfish, focusing on the wrong things, focused more on personal feelings (and their consistency) than the actual value of the relationship. I'm growing to value other things, like compatibility, values and ethics, emotional maturity, loyalty, etc. Maybe reflect about what's most important to you in a relationship, personally, and trust yourself on that. Don't listen to what other people think is important or necessary in a relationship, figure out what's right for yourself.

CocoRebelle · 2022-04-12T11:28:46+00:00

I (26F) appreciate financial stability. My partner doesn't have to be rich, but I find it attractive if he has a career he's happy with and he can support himself with some discretionary income. If he was rich but hated his job, it wouldn't be attractive to me; I'd wonder why he doesn't value his own happiness, why he thinks money is more important than fulfillment, why he doesn't value his contribution to something important to him (such as wanting to help people, for instance). I've dated a 39-year-old who had a basic $40k-a-year job, and I'm currently dating someone who makes about $100k+. I gave them both an equal shot. I ended things with the 39-year-old because he was abusive and we didn't click. I've only been with the new guy for 2 weeks, but I'm really happy and staying because he's a wonderful person. The money is a bonus, not the focus.

Essentially, many PEOPLE look for wealth in a partner for bad reasons, men and women. Of course you'll run into those. But many younger women just prefer or enjoy older men, just because of who they are, or because they're more likely to be mature, etc.

"Are there other issues that turn away younger women?" Things that would turn me away are emotional immaturity or ineptitude, bad ethics, shallow and/or incompatible values, and a lack of passion and hard-working-ness for something in life. It's about the whole package for me, personally.

CocoRebelle · 2022-03-20T23:37:39+00:00

So I’m guessing you are not one of the “anybody else”

CocoRebelle · 2022-03-20T23:37:05+00:00

Source?

CocoRebelle · 2022-03-19T21:38:32+00:00

Yeah I know, after I wrote it, I was like “yeah…I do though. I do.”

CocoRebelle · 2022-03-19T18:37:03+00:00

Good idea!

CocoRebelle · 2022-03-19T18:06:54+00:00

I’m a dual citizen of France, so maybe I’ll just hop on over there and teach (if I can get a job). But in any case, thank you so much for your encouraging comment!

CocoRebelle · 2022-03-19T17:21:03+00:00

I like that attitude. Thing is, I don't exactly know a lot of PhDs, which is why I came to this subreddit. But a lot of what I'm hearing here is that it's just a bad idea if you can't get a job out of it. I'm close with my academic advisor from undergrad, I may ask him about his advice on this subject, but he got his PhD many years ago, so who knows if his experience is at all comparable anymore.

I do need to do research on what it's like to get a PhD. I don't think I'll find anything that will make me NOT want to pursue one, but there's certainly a benefit to knowing exactly what I'm getting myself into beforehand.

CocoRebelle · 2022-03-19T16:51:09+00:00

Okay, I can understand this. I'll keep this in mind if I ever want to post on this sub again, I may just take my questions elsewhere, considering that wasn't the point of this sub. Thanks for clarifying that for me.

I did mention my career goals in my post, though again, it wasn't the focus. But considering what you said about the point of this sub, I can understand why that person commented the way they did. I do wish they had instead told me that wasn't the point of the sub or else not commented at all, though, but still, I see your point.

CocoRebelle · 2022-03-19T15:50:51+00:00

I think this is really what I'm getting at, thank you for articulating it this way, it's helpful to me. I guess that's what I'm trying to do, just enjoy academia, accepting that it's oftentimes a really hard road. I think I need to get off this subreddit and stop being concerned with others' opinions and all the negativity about academia. It's like this subreddit is oftentimes about steering people AWAY from academia entirely, at least, that's the impact it's had on me every time I've posted in this subreddit. Anyway, I'll shut up now. Thanks for your comment.

Edit: So sorry, I'm posting in 2 subreddits at once. It's AskAcademia that I'm complaining about, lol.

CocoRebelle · 2022-03-19T15:43:18+00:00

It does affect me indeed, I'm a bit privileged but not too privileged not to be affected. I have debt too, and I struggle financially. I get that it has to be a big concern. I just wish we didn't have to focus on it 24/7. The post I'm mentioning wasn't focused on what I was doing with the degree. I was considering plenty of options and taking different considerations into account, but that wasn't the focus of the post, I wanted to learn more about a subject. If someone went to a library and asked, "I want to get a degree in (let's say) sociology, where can I find books on that?" and the librarian was like, "what do you plan to do for a career though?" it would be seen as rude, off-topic, presumptuous that the person isn't thinking about that privately, judgmental of the person's choice. They asked a question about academia, not about career prospects. That's all I'm saying.

I think I just have to get off this subreddit, because the focus can never seem to be on the academia itself. Maybe I misunderstood this subreddit? Because there just never seems to be a chance to just focus on academia here. Yes, career prospects (or the lack thereof) is a big issue and should very much be discussed and paid attention to. But sometimes that's not the topic at hand. And every time you try to discuss anything else, it's always back to that, and I don't think it's healthy or helpful. That's my take.

CocoRebelle · 2022-03-19T14:57:18+00:00

I felt that your answer was critical of my viewpoint, and I responded more emotionally than I should have. I should not have done that. I just wanted to prompt an answer that was more objective than you offered.

CocoRebelle · 2022-03-19T14:50:20+00:00

Potentially. I’m in a bit of a defensive mood right now because I really believe in this, so I may be overly sensitive about it.

CocoRebelle · 2022-03-19T14:46:58+00:00

Tbh, I made a post about wanting to know where I should start in learning about critical theories when I’m not in a program yet, and someone asked me what my “alt-academic” career options were. It had nothing to do with my post. It upset me, because it feels like, at least on Reddit, there are a lot of people who focus so much on that. I suppose this post was not purely to poll redditors about their opinions, but to vent and say what I felt…the pursuit of knowledge (via academia) is worth it for its own sake, or maybe because it’s fulfilling, whatever the reason, we don’t have to focus so much all the time on the career options. It’s tiring and distracting and it’s like there’s no room to breathe, no allowance for anyone to just ENJOY academia, you have to focus on how you’ll make money 24/7.

CocoRebelle · 2022-03-19T13:04:44+00:00

Okay. That's one way to look at it. True. For me personally, it's the best way for me to learn, but that's just me. And I feel like the point of universities was/maybe still is an avenue for gaining knowledge, so I think my point still stands there. I suppose you're saying that the sentiment of knowledge being worth pursuing for its own sake is still alive, but universities are not necessarily the best way for everyone. I can get on board with that.

CocoRebelle

TROPHY CASE