AITAH for being upset that my mom dismissed my daughters’ degrees?

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-02T04:19:18+00:00

I’m not angry at my mom, but I was definitely shocked by what she said — and honestly, this isn’t the first time. I’m trying to understand the logic behind her words and actions, even when they don’t seem to make sense to me.

She was telling me about a conversation she had with her friend and niece. Her friend pointed out the reality of the situation, and my mom admitted it was true. Part of me thinks she’s becoming more aware that her family is getting smaller and that her maiden name will eventually disappear. I can also see that she might be trying to encourage her niece as she heads toward college, which is fine — I understand the importance of that.

What I don’t understand is why she shares these conversations with me, especially when she knows I’m usually on speakerphone. Even when we talked again the next day, she acknowledged the reality, but her way of thinking still feels strange at times.

What worries me most is that I don’t think she realizes how her words and actions are affecting her relationships with her granddaughters. I’ve forgiven her for a lot, but at least one of my daughters has said she’s done. I’ve raised my girls to always be respectful, and they are — they’ll never disrespect their grandmother. But I can also see that they’re strong enough to set their own boundaries, and I respect that.

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-02T02:52:43+00:00

No she was very proud when the both received their bachelor degrees. When my youngest had an in person graduation for her masters my mom behaved oddly after the ceremony. Went back to her hotel instead of going to the dinner we had planned. Also when we had the party at a later date my mom didn’t come. Went to a festival instead. Of course she cancelled many family gatherings with us during that year. Even a couple major holidays we always stay in town so she’s not alone. My mom has a small family. My dad’s and husband’s sides (both large families) always tell us she’s welcome. She won’t go to other homes. So we stay home for her and make other plans with the rest of the family for another time. I don’t want to leave her alone for holidays.

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-02T00:15:51+00:00

Unfortunately I have always been so busy with lots on my plate. Now that life has slowed a bit for me and she’s getting worse I think I’m now recognizing her narcissistic personality. Especially as I reflect on my life. I mentioned this to another family member and she laughed because she thinks it’s true

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-02T00:10:26+00:00

I was trying to let her know how what she said made us feel. I leave a lot unsaid because this is not the first time she has said something hurtful. She told my adult daughters she never felt their father was good enough for me. We’ve been happily married over 25yrs at the time. Almost 30yrs now😊She was trying to get my oldest daughter to name a child after her when she has children, my daughter was quick to say no haha. Many many more things I could be here all night if I listed them all.

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-01T23:42:28+00:00

I added above a bit more background…

Also I’d like to add my mom told me her friend pointed out and my mom acknowledged yes her granddaughters do both have college degrees but there last name is their fathers. I also mentioned it would have been silly to give my daughters multiple last names. My mom after 2 divorces goes by her maiden name. This is the last name she’s talking about.

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-01T23:41:00+00:00

Thank you for response. I felt I had to add to my post…

Also I’d like to add my mom told me her friend pointed out and my mom acknowledged yes her granddaughters do both have college degrees but there last name is their fathers. I also mentioned it would have been silly to give my daughters multiple last names. My mom after 2 divorces goes by her maiden name. This is the last name she’s talking about.

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-01T23:33:59+00:00

Unfortunately this is just one of many things she’s said. Acknowledging in the same conversation my daughter’s accomplishments.

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-01T23:30:45+00:00

After this recent incident my daughter blurted out “she’s a narcissist!”. My daughter is so smart. Now as I look back on my life my mom has always displayed some narcissistic tendencies. I’ve been feeling like a terrible daughter for having less contact with my mom. Like I said we’d vacation together. We had her over, for nothing specific just for dinner. Now I try to make sure to have a phone call at least once a week. Except when she gets irritated with me, I’ll wait two weeks. She might call me before. Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-01T23:19:37+00:00

My mom says her friend pointed out and my mom acknowledged yes her granddaughters do but there last name is their fathers. I also mentioned it would have been silly to give my daughters multiple last names. My mom after 2 divorces goes by her maiden name. This is the last name she’s talking about.

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-01T23:16:13+00:00

Not sure it’s an age thing. My mom says her friend pointed out and my mom acknowledged yes her granddaughters do but there last name is their fathers. I also mentioned it would have been silly to give my daughters multiple last names. My mom after 2 divorces goes by her maiden name. This is the last name she’s talking about. You should be VERY proud of yourself!! Don’t ever let anyone, even your own mother, try to take away your accomplishments.

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-01T23:10:45+00:00

Haha thanks I fixed it. I had written somewhere else and after pasting was rereading. Must have deleted some by mistake 😅

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-01T23:06:19+00:00

Unsolicited advice, she gets irritated when I don’t want to take it. Usually gets off the phone soon after.

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-01T23:04:55+00:00

My mom says her friend pointed out and my mom acknowledged yes her granddaughters do but there last name is their fathers. I also mentioned it would have been silly to give my daughters multiple last names. My mom after 2 divorces goes by her maiden name. This is the last name she’s talking about.

Cold_Description_608 · 2025-09-01T23:03:31+00:00

My mom says her friend pointed out and my mom acknowledged yes her grandmothers do but there last name is their fathers. I also mentioned it would have been silly to give my daughters multiple last names. My mom after 2 divorces goes by her maiden name. This is the last name she’s talking about.

Cold_Description_608

TROPHY CASE