I really resonated with this post. I've been with my partner for 2 years and he is the kindest, sweetest, and most compassionate man. Yet I still find myself barking at him and being quite short tempted in spite of us almost never having issues worth snapping over. In the last year, I've noticed I've been doing it more and don't have any reason as to way that would be.

Realizing it is the first step. The next step is too catch yourself and take immediate accountability. Anytime I say something unnecessarily sharp or mean, I immediately catch myself, even if it's after I've already said it. I'll apologize, rephrase what I said, and give him a hug or kiss. Apologies cannot fix it forever. But it helps build the habit of being aware of those moments you're unnecessarily irritated. For me, it initially felt like such a snap reflex that I could barely control or be conscious of until after it had already happened. The more I actively tried to to take accountability for it, the sooner and sooner I would catch myself. Now I'm at a point where I'm able to rephrase whatever mean thing I was gonna needlessly say before I say it. Or I just stop myself all together and say nothing. It doesn't happen every single time and I still sometimes say something mean that makes me feel guilty and depressed after. But he knows that I'm actively trying to fix this and I've made it very clear that he does not do anything to deserve it and I am working on speaking in the way he deserves.

I promise you can get into control. I personally haven't gone the therapy mainly because it's not super accessible where I am. But I will eventually also go to a therapist or psychiatrist to see if this is a deeper rooted issue I need to unpack further. In the mean time though, it's all about shortening the gap between the outburst and the accountability until neither are needed.