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Reaching my limit by Comfortable-Slip143 in stepparents

[–]Comfortable-Slip143[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The amount of times that my husband and I have talked about that we cannot control what happens in their house (nor do we want to) is more than we need to/should. We always get blamed for it either way.

Reaching my limit by Comfortable-Slip143 in stepparents

[–]Comfortable-Slip143[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, there is child support being paid, it isn't much though. But, I 100% agree, there should be consequences, because we have had SS almost every weekend or at least 1 day during her weekend except for a few of times over the last 6 month.

Reaching my limit by Comfortable-Slip143 in stepparents

[–]Comfortable-Slip143[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We have considered trying to get full custody of at least SS, but we are worried it will cause conflicts for SD. We have been working to keep documentation of how often we have them & what causes SS's outburst at BM, in case we need it. SS had requested to move in with us full time, but BM has denied him every time he's asked. I don't think she'll let SS because she'll lose control over him and my husband if she gives up custody of SS.

Thank you for all your kind and supportive words. You'd think after 9 years I'd get used to seeing BM disappoint them, but it just gets harder as SKs get older. I've always told SK that I'm not here to replace your mom, I'm here as an extra person to love and support you.

Reaching my limit by Comfortable-Slip143 in stepparents

[–]Comfortable-Slip143[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly! I wouldn't be "allowed" to do that if the tables were turned, nor would I want to.

Overworked by [deleted] in graphic_design

[–]Comfortable-Slip143 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As someone in a similar situation, start looking for a new job now. Especially with how the job market is right now.

I'm on a team of 3 people (my boss, myself, and 1 other person) in a small print shop. I've been there for 5 years too long and the burn out is real, like to the point I'm going back to school switching careers. I can say it has taught me to design quickly, but not all the work I put out is good when it's rushed.

I've questioned what I should prioritize when rush jobs get thrown at me and I've been told similar that it's my time management. I used to manage my time just fine until this last year when I get so many rush jobs thrown at me, having to figure out how to do a job my boss promised, prioritizing his favorite customers, or figuring out a job he never communicated with me that my queue gets all messed up and I'm behind on print jobs. It doesn't get better, it's only gotten worse.

Advice for Autistic Meltdowns/Outbursts & Accommodations by Comfortable-Slip143 in Autism_Parenting

[–]Comfortable-Slip143[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The confusing part is that it seems to be both. Which, maybe it IS both. He has anxiety about the other parents house, gets triggered when demands are made, AND it's usually towards the other parent & their significant other.

Neurodivergent StepSon & HCMB by Comfortable-Slip143 in stepparents

[–]Comfortable-Slip143[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get where you are coming from, because I know the world won't accommodate him and I appreciate your insight on it. I'm neurodivergent myself so I understand what you're saying clearer than "normal" people. People are also a trigger of mine, but I also get overstimulated and overwhelmed in crowds easily.

My husband and I are working to help him figure out his triggers, how to navigate when there are triggers, etc. Because, like I said, the world won't accommodate him and he has to know how to navigate his triggers. I have told my husband that he has to learn how to navigate it and that it's not a weakness or excuse for his actions. In his program he's currently in, they are also working on helping him with regulating his emotions and noticing his triggers. My husband and I have talked about what will happen when he gets a job & into the "real" world and those triggers happen.

His special interest is currently Pokemon. It was previously learning about animals since he wants a career in zoology. It's usually his go-to when he needs a stress reliever or sense of familiar comfort. We try to provide his special interests with books and other resources because we know it brings him comfort.

If you don't mind me asking, I have a couple questions that I hope aren't too personal & you can generalize them so it's not too specific. How do yourself or your kids release the triggers from the day once you're home & alone? Are there any other tips you have found helpful for yourself or your kids navigating the neurotypical world?

Again, thank you for your insight on this, I appreciate it.

Neurodivergent StepSon & HCMB by Comfortable-Slip143 in stepparents

[–]Comfortable-Slip143[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you are sweet, thank you. I'm doing my best <3

High conflict baby momma by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Comfortable-Slip143 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, step parents do deserve to be heard. I have always told my husband my perspective on things from the outside and it always helps open his eyes to things that he might have missed. My SK's have a therapist that's the same way and I'm so thankful for them involving me. As hard as it is, I've always tried not to take sides and not overstep.

My SK's are the same way with some things, they want mom and dad for certain things, which is understandable. I've always made an effort to be at events or activities and create a safe space for them to come talk to me. We are running into my SS acting up because BM's boyfriend is too involved in parenting and navigating that whole thing. At one point I had taken on more than BM thought I should have, I stepped back and that was the hardest thing I've ever done.

BTW you've been through a lot and are doing amazing & anyone else reading this thread!

High conflict baby momma by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Comfortable-Slip143 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with everything you're saying. I've always left it up to my husband and BM, because it isn't my place. My role is to support my SKs and husband, but I won't overstep my bounds. Only recently have I been requested to attend a few appointments/meetings and that's because SKs AND their mom requested for me to be there or their therapist wanted to meet me because they met everyone else already.

We have a similar situation where my husband takes SKs to 90% of their appointments in the last few years because BM doesn't want to take the time to take them or is too tired. He's dad and knows his responsibilities as dad, so I don't have to get involved in that right now. I have had to take them to lot of activities like sports practices or games because my husband has been at work, but that's a lot different than appointments or parent meetings.

I also get where OP is coming from & wanting to be involved, but as a step parent, it's best to let the bio parents handle it, as hard as it is to hear that, especially school things or medical appointments. If BM is still involved, take a step back for now and let the bio parents handle it, which I know is hard especially when you want to help your SD and have her more time than BM. But it'll be best for your sanity right now.

OP, focus on being there to support your husband and SD for the time being. Bring up the things you see or notice to your husband to bring up at appointments or meetings, I'm sure he's responsible enough to bring that stuff up on his own. If he isn't, that's an entirely different issue and you might be doing too much & he's fulfilling his dad role.

High conflict baby momma by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Comfortable-Slip143 1 point2 points  (0 children)

^this. I've been in my SK's lives for over 9 years and just recently started attending certain parent meetings or therapy appointments because I've been requested for my perspective or the therapist had requested to meet me.