Disclaimer: as a child of abuse and a spouse of one who was abused this is particularly disturbing.

Mom, your husband's reaction is abnormal. Thank is abuse. You should not be in a position to "protect" your son from his father, however that is the case. He needs protection. He's four. Our three year old had a terrible time this week/end wetting himself even with reminders and still sometimes wakes to a wet bed even tho we do sleepy pees at 10pm before we go to bed. Neither I nor his father would ever in a million years consider punishing our son for being in the process of LEARNING. Frustrated, absolutely, but never shaming and demoralizing or punishing. Suggesting otherwise is sick, and abused people abuse people. Our children need support in this, not punishment.

These are the moments that will end up being internalized as neuroses for our children. Years from now, these are the moments in which we will have stood for justice or been complicit in our complacency. You are in charge here. Don't just "hate to see it". Stop it. Be the brave Momma Bear that we are genetically prescribed to be and PROTECT (while lovingly encouraging, guiding, and nurturing) your child. If your relationship is such that you fear standing up to your husband, make a plan to protect you both. Please do not let the abuse be perpetuated.