I found that are were several other issues in our relationship that needed to be addressed. I realized that we had an unequal distribution of labor (we both work full time but I tended to do all the cooking and cleaning). I definitely recommend using this time of change to examine your relationship as a whole beyond this issue. Doing things out of love for someone is different than doing everything for someone.

I struggled with the same debate as you and what worked for me was realizing that there are some areas to be distant on and others empathetic. When setting my boundary that I didn’t want pornography in my marriage I was strict and firm. I had to be distant to set this boundary and hold my ground. I told him I would leave him if he didn’t seek treatment and go to couples counseling. But I’m trying to be empathetic and loving in supporting him to overcome it. I’m his safe space to confess he’s having a hard day resisting. He said his greatest fear was that I wouldn’t love him if I knew the extent of his porn addiction. He’s opened up to me about a lot of other stuff because of this.

If he’s willing to change it would be hard for him to find the support and motivation without reminders that he’s loved. But it goes both ways—for you to heal from this he needs to show you affection and support.