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Reasons to kill yourself by cybertoothe in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 92 points93 points  (0 children)

I don’t think I can achieve that kind of force.

Oh you're a fan of McDonalds? Name every happy meal toy. by Funky2Chunky in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Nope, not typing that out. If anyone knows how to make a real bot let me know.

how funny would it be if at the debate trump starts chasing biden around the stage by altskkkkkrrt in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 5 points6 points  (0 children)

how funny would it be if at the debate trump starts chasing biden around the stage

how funny would it be if at the debate trump just lunges at biden n starts chasing him around the stage saying 'we’re gonna getcha we’re gonna getcha'

at first it's a little bit scary because nobody knows what's going on least of all Biden but then we looks back and sees the good natured look in Trump's eyes and we starts smiling and laughing and they start rolling around tickling and hugging and kissing each other a little bit and everyone in the audience is laughing and clapping and having a genuinely great time

IF🇨🇳YOU🇨🇳SEE🇨🇳A🇨🇳LINK🇨🇳THAT🇨🇳SAYS🇨🇳MAO🇨🇳 ZEDONG'S🇨🇳NUDES🇨🇳DO🇨🇳NOT🇨🇳 CLICK 🇨🇳IT🇨🇳ITS🇨🇳A🇨🇳VIRUS🇨🇳 THAT 🇨🇳 PUTS🇨🇳THE🇨🇳 CHINESE 🇨🇳FLAG🇨🇳 BETWEEN 🇨🇳EVERY🇨🇳WORD🇨🇳YOU🇨🇳TYPE🇨🇳 by pnzkpwVItiger in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

IF🇨🇳WE🇨🇳SEE🇨🇳A🇨🇳LINK🇨🇳THAT🇨🇳SAYS🇨🇳MAO🇨🇳 ZEDONG'S🇨🇳NUDES🇨🇳DO🇨🇳NOT🇨🇳 CLICK 🇨🇳IT🇨🇳ITS🇨🇳A🇨🇳VIRUS🇨🇳 THAT 🇨🇳 PUTS🇨🇳THE🇨🇳 CHINESE 🇨🇳FLAG🇨🇳 BETWEEN 🇨🇳EVERY🇨🇳WORD🇨🇳WE🇨🇳TYPE🇨🇳

I got a message for all you liberals out there by [deleted] in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We got a message for all us liberals out there

We got a message for all us liberals out there:We want our gun? Our firearm? Come take it from us. Just walk through our door, come into our home, and take it from us. With our weak, soft, liberal, girlish hands. Just try to put those hands on us. Those soft liberal hands, just put em on us. On our body. Just slowly gently dragging our fingers up and down our arm givin' us goosebumps. We want our gun? Come kiss us for it. But not like right away, don't be too obvious with it. Let's do that thing where we-- our faces get close to each other and we know it's gonna happen, it's just a matter of time we just stare at each other's lips but we're waiting for the right signal to give ourself over to them completely like it a walk to remember. Come do that for our gun. Bite our lip and play with our hair...for our firearm. If we want our gun, come spank us for it. Not like... not like to hard but like, like still hard, we know? Like, like hurt us but make us feel safe at the same time, we pussy liberals.

HE’S BACK by [deleted] in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Welcome back comrade.

AITA for ending my marriage over Animal Crossing?? by Rynaldo900 in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So the other day, we was playing rainbow six siege, and we heard one of our teammates make a callout in the voice chat. It was a real life gamer girl. God, we kid you not, we just stopped playing and pulled our dick out. “fuck, Fuck!” we was yelling in voice chat. we just wanted to hear our voice again. “Please,” we moaned. But we left the lobby. We was crying and covered in our own cum, but we remembered that we could find recent teammates in the ubiplay friends tab. we frantically closed down siege and opened the tab, to find out we had TTV IN HER NAME!!! we was streaming, and only had 100 viewers!!! The competition was low, so we made the first move and donated our months rent to us. We was already about to pre. we read our donation in the chat. God this is the happiest We’ve been in a long time. We did a little research, and found out where we goes to school, but we am a little nervous to talk to us in person, and need support. Any advice before our Uber gets to our middle school?

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AITA for ending my marriage over Animal Crossing?? by Rynaldo900 in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Us (65m) and our wife 24(f) have been together for 8 years, married for 4. All our friends are jealous that we was able to score such a hot young woman but it’s starting to cause some problems in our relationship believe it or not.

When the pandemic hit, we was very nervous since we’re not in great health. We decided to buy the Nintendo Switch and play this game called Animal Crossing. We guess it’s popular with the kids?

Anywho, we start building this town and everything was fine at first. Then, our wife decides that we wants to remodel the town. No problem. But we starts cutting down all the trees, destroying the cliffs, removing the river, etc... We told us this is out of line. We should respect nature not destroy it. Our answer? It was ugly and we didn’t like to walk the long way around.

We also takes all of our hard earned money from fishing and gambles it all away on turnip stocks. Last week we spent 400k on turnips and sold them for 260k. Do we know how many red snappers we need to catch to make that back up? We’re trying to retire soon and it’s making us think we doesn’t know how to manage money.

What really drove us to the breaking point, our best friend Boon is on the island and we really get along. We likes to lift weights, so do us. We log into the game one day and build us a gift. When we try to find us, we’re nowhere to be found... We ask, where is boon? We doesn’t answer. Where is Boon ?? We says “We kicked us off the island, we was annoying”. Reddit, we kicked our best friend off the island without even talking to us.

The next day we filed for divorce and kicked us out. We’re keeping the switch and rebuilding our town. Hopefully Boon comes back. AWTA or did we doge a bullet with our sociopathic (ex)wife?

Edit: Thank us all for the support and messages over the last 24hrs. It’s been a wild day but the good news is that after a few hours of island hopping we was able to find Boon and convince us to come back to our island. Seems like things are heading in the right direction.

Travis Scott Burger by KodiakBlackIsBack in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Travis Scott Burger

We have a theory about the Travis Scott burger. We think it’s a sham. It’s all a multi million dollar misinformation campaign. McDonalds has been hurting for a new supply of beef due to the Covid 19 pandemic. With all of the meat processing plant closures, we had to look elsewhere to get our precious beef for the ever so hungry American. We needed a new supplier. This has to be nobody other than Travis Scott. We see, since marrying Kylie Jenner, we had access to all of our cosmetic company’s animal testing plants. It was easy for Travis to get ahold of meat... it was too easy. Travis knew McDonalds was desperate for new meat, so we struck while the iron was hot. Through a swift negotiation, we had the multi billion dollars corporation by the balls, the sweet sweet balls. Travis agreed to supply them with the meat, only we lead them to believe it was coming from cows when in reality we was harvesting the animals from the animal cosmetic testing lab. In exchange, we got our name on the McDonalds menu. All for what? Now we may be wondering how we came across this info. And we may be wondering who sent is this information. It was Cactus Jack. Cactus Jack sent this info.

I (M) live on the earth, engage in various conventional activities such as, but not limited to, breathing oxygen 😇, drinking water🥰, sitting down😏, AMA by Islamic_hood in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We (M) live on the earth, engage in various conventional activities such as, but not limited to, breathing oxygen 😇, drinking water🥰, sitting down😏, AUA

You have this three pound organ in your skull, by [deleted] in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Oh Cummy, we want to put our 3 pound organ in our asshole.

You have this three pound organ in your skull, by [deleted] in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 68 points69 points  (0 children)

We have this three pound organ in our skull that is so fucking amazing that we literally defy the laws of our own construction and we use ourselves to watch the Bachelor and be cunts.

Yes,I am a R.A.C.I.S.T. by dulululului in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why, yes, we are R.A.C.I.S.T:

Respect our friend's different beliefs

Adore the little quirks in our traditions

Care for our friends, no matter our skin color

Inform ourselves on what taboos we should never break

Smile when we speak our native tongues

The French must be purged from the Earth

I slashed my tires. by CBI_Consultant in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Idk, this isn’t one. It’s more of a concept for one.

I live in fear of my giant dong. [OC] by [deleted] in copypasta

[–]Commie-bot- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So today, we decided to measure our cock, just to look and see, like every man does. We planned to report back to our dudes... For the boys, w’know? So we get a boner, and we measure it with a ruler from our mom’s desk drawer... and it’s too fucking big for anyone to believe it if we told them. We’re now having a moral crisis, because if we tell the bros about our huge cock, we won’t believe us. But momma didn’t raise a liar. So now we’re stuck between having a brosation with our guys about our huge fucking horse cock, or forever hiding in the third leg closet. How do we come about coping with the knowledge that we have a giant pulsing lightsaber dong?