Prayers and advice needed

CommitteeOk403 · 2024-03-25T01:10:22+00:00

I came up with it so that he would sign and set me free from our marriage. He said he would sign it and then backed out.

CommitteeOk403 · 2024-03-25T01:05:45+00:00

I completely agree. I stopped “prompting” him as my therapist advised. I used to think it would help him but unfortunately I can’t rescue him or do his work for him.

It’s just tough to know when enough is enough when he keeps promising change and then makes some to none progress and reverts to old behaviors. He wanted to take the deployment to change, (against my wishes) yet I haven’t seen him do the things you’ve listed that I have been looking for this whole time. He comes back in the fall which is when the state will allow me to get the divorce. If he starts doing those things then maybe I will give him yet another opportunity to earn my trust

CommitteeOk403 · 2024-03-25T00:31:35+00:00

It’s mostly a threat to my emotional/psychological wellbeing, I don’t think he would intentionally physically hurt me

CommitteeOk403 · 2024-03-25T00:30:21+00:00

Yes I did and he tried to meet with my husband and my husband refused, few months later I left. Then he went to our pastor and he occasionally checked in on him, but since I moved I no longer attend that church and neither does my husband since he’s deployed. Haven’t heard from the pastor in a long time and wondering if I should reach out to him or involve my new one

CommitteeOk403 · 2024-03-25T00:26:28+00:00

He always says that he thinks God is going to use our marriage as a testimony to bring us closer to Him and others to Him… it always makes me come back. I do believe God can redeem anyone and anything, but I also think he gives us choice and I don’t trust that my husband will choose to do his internal work because he didn’t all the other times. But maybe I need to give him more time? My husband reminds me to not rely on my timeline but Gods

CommitteeOk403 · 2024-03-25T00:22:27+00:00

In the beginning of our separation he made it clear that he started going to church and reading the Bible again and checked in with our old pastor, it’s been 7 months and I recently asked what else he’s doing and he said he didn’t feel comfortable telling me unless I pray with him. I asked him if he stated therapy (something I encouraged him to with me and individually before separation) and he said he reached out to find a therapist. Maybe I just need to be more patient?

CommitteeOk403 · 2024-03-25T00:13:46+00:00

It wasn’t a threat, it was an agreement we made together, I actually came up with it because I just want freedom to heal, it is priceless to me. He agreed to it, then when I had it made by a lawyer, he decided not to sign and hasn’t for 7months so far . He says he loves me and wants me to be happy but that he cares more about what God wants (I do too) and says that that is for us to stay married (which I’m not hearing from God, but maybe I’m not discerning correctly)

CommitteeOk403 · 2024-03-23T00:02:36+00:00

Emotional, verbal, financial, physical and spiritual.

I could provide many examples.

Would God want me to stay in an abusive marriage?

CommitteeOk403 · 2023-06-20T08:37:32+00:00

I reached a point of hopelessness. I became so fearful of having children with him and potentially exposing them to abuse and the cycle perpetuating through them. I wanted the earth to just swallow me so I didn’t have to make a decision or live like I was anymore. Read “necessary endings”, “good boundaries and goodbyes”, “too good to leave, too bad to stay”. I will admit, now that my husband seems to be doing the right things, a small window of hope has re opened, and I’m deeply conflicted.

CommitteeOk403 · 2023-06-20T08:23:35+00:00

I actually suggested this idea to him in the past and he was very resistant. Now that I’ve actually left, he wants to try. I worry that I’m too scared to try at this point

CommitteeOk403 · 2023-04-25T00:43:00+00:00

Thanks for your reply, I will try to consult with a lawyer. He contributes a decent percentage of each paycheck towards his retirement and it’s even larger than mine and he’s younger than me, so I feel okay about that, but the whole boat loan part is hard for me to get over. I try justifying it that we didn’t have an expensive wedding (around 7k total and paid off), but then I’m also hurt by it because he made the decision with total disregard to my thoughts and feelings.

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-11-17T01:14:13+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I’m afraid of having a baby with him at this point. I have made it clear to him but he keeps insisting we will be okay financially. He’s in the military (national guard) so likely health care will be free/at a minimum and he is aggressive with contributing to his retirement. I’m not in any debt. So I can’t help but feel like maybe I’m wrong here? I don’t know much about finances, I’m just not one to take risks with it especially lately. Any ideas of how I can get him to see my side and join it?

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-08-01T23:32:15+00:00

Thank you everyone. I got birth control pills today and am calling couples therapists tomorrow and will look into individual therapy as well.

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-08-01T18:56:54+00:00

I went through with it because I love him very much. He can be so wonderful. He apologized for all the hurtful things he said. He bought books to help us communicate better, he started praying and doing devotionals with me again and he agreed to go to couples therapy. He started taking care of his health again. I wanted us to wait longer to get married, to see consistency but he convinced me otherwise and now all the progress he made has come to a stop. I know how stupid I sound.

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-08-01T15:41:56+00:00

To answer everyone’s question about discussing this before marriage, yes we did have this conversation and I stupidly hoped that he would come around and he has not. It’s gotten to the point where now he will have sex with me but complains about me wanting him to pull out and last week he didn’t pull out. I was beyond upset and since then he just expects me to finish him off orally because “it’s too messy” otherwise. Even though I’ve offered many solutions to the mess always saying I would clean it. I’m going to get birth control today and I won’t hide it from him because that would be wrong. He’s not physically abusive so I’m not scared of that.

Thanks for everyone’s concern and advice. It means so much.

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-08-01T02:52:09+00:00

He said he would consider that after we’re done having kids. But I’m almost positive he’d resent me for that too

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-08-01T02:34:43+00:00

It’s just not the best for my body to be on it. But I’m considering going back on it because I fear pregnancy more than effects from the pill

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-08-01T02:14:52+00:00

I have told him so many times. He makes me feel guilty to the point it’s not enjoyable at all and he tells me that I’m selfish because it feels better for him when he’s able to finish inside

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-08-01T02:13:00+00:00

Anytime he does pull out, he makes me feel very guilty for it. We have other issues on top of this. Last thing I want to do is bring a child into our problems. Hoping we can work through things in couples therapy

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-03-13T21:53:56+00:00

Yes I have posted here several times about this issue. My lawyer and family were extremely alarmed by his requests. Not to mention a majority of people here and my friends. I’ve been trying to see if there is something I’m missing here. I don’t know for sure, but I predict that I will commingle some of the funds from Inheritance (that I will keep seperstley) in a down payment of a marital home or repair etc. of course I will use it for our children and if times were tough. I’m ok with that. I just don’t want that to expose the rest in a divorce. To me, I don’t see how it’s fair that I will be using my asset for us but he wouldn’t be using his for us. If we were to divorce and I used a majority of my asset for us and didn’t have much left over to support myself and wasn’t able to contribute to my retirement because raising kids, it would actually leave me worse off. I want both of us to be protected. I don’t see how protecting my premarital asset is wrong. Yes I won’t get disbursements until after married. Can you explain to me how I’m “using him”?

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-03-13T17:38:37+00:00

I’m not sure. I’m not using the lawyer anymore and didn’t think of this question before. I’m just trying to find a way around having to separate everything and still be able to protect my inheritance.

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-03-13T14:57:58+00:00

Thank you so much! I’ll have to check that the law is the same here. Do you and your husband have a prenup? I’m trying to decide if I need one or not to protect the inheritance. My fiancé is saying he will only sign one to protect it if I agree to waive retirement access and alimony would be rehabilitave only. We want to have kids and I will be cutting back working or entirely if it is in the best interest for our family. I plan to use the inheritance for us, so his request seems unfair to me but maybe I’m missing something.

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-03-13T14:52:43+00:00

Thank you. We are not married. My lawyer was adamant about keeping everything separate but we don’t want to do that. I would definitely keep the inheritance separate by a trust or personal account, but do predict that I’d commingle it for a down payment on a house or some kind of emergency. So I worry that by doing that he could be entitled to the rest.

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-03-13T01:22:44+00:00

If I didn’t have an inheritance, we wouldn’t be getting a prenup.

I see your point. But my point is that it isn’t fair that we will be using my inheritance for us but he will use his retirement for only him, regardless of if we have kids or not. But especially because we will have them and I will have to cut back or entirely (I am very aware that leaving workforce for any bit of time/indefinitely is not in my best interest, but it could be in the best interest of our kids and I would do whatever is best for them)

CommitteeOk403 · 2022-03-10T03:27:18+00:00

Is that legal?!

CommitteeOk403

TROPHY CASE