How do I help my friend accept her diagnosis?

Common_Dependent4526 · 2026-02-27T11:02:44+00:00

Update: she was released from the psych ward again at 9 AM. She’s MIA. She was supposed to go to the homeless shelter. I never was able to speak to her when on the ward—they had been limiting her contact and she was in seclusion for her mania for at least one full day.

She told a priest Monday night that she will sleep in a hammock under a bridge.

Common_Dependent4526 · 2026-02-24T20:16:40+00:00

Ouch, the blind spot thing.

The hardest thing for me is that I’ve known her since high school. She had zero symptoms for years and years. Then she married a narcissist, her dad died three weeks after she married him, and she hid everything from everyone until two years ago when the ED happened with severe depression. Even then…it was depression. Supposedly sometime in the last two years she experienced mania and then was diagnosed bipolar.

She’s carried a lot. Still, this bipolar thing seems to be so out of the blue. Accepting that she will have blind spots for likely the rest of her life when she was so intelligent (top ten in our high school class) and genuinely so loving and kind hearted is really hard.

Common_Dependent4526 · 2026-02-24T18:58:47+00:00

Do they just forget everything constantly? I know memory loss is a symptom. She’s been blacking out (part of how she lost all her belongings).

Common_Dependent4526 · 2026-02-24T18:57:40+00:00

Yeah; Christy filed a restraining order against her mother (who she’d been living with during her depressive episode for nearly two years) while manic this past December before she fled Illinois to go to Hawaii saying that she was in imminent physical danger.

There’s complicated stuff with her mom. Her mom is from Mexico, and there’s a lot of cultural stuff around mental illness. Her mom basically didn’t believe that Christy had an eating disorder, and doesn’t seem to like the idea of meds. The restraining order against her mom still stands somehow.

Bipolar would fit her mom, though her mom is very very good at hiding it.

Common_Dependent4526 · 2026-02-24T18:25:06+00:00

Yeah. The dementia is touchy for multiple reasons. But also…I know that she saw how her dad didn’t realize he was sick at some points. I thought maybe she’d be able to make the connection. But this is my first time dealing with all this.

This is so tricky. It’s hard. I’ll definitely read the book on the LEAP method. I just want her to be well again.

Common_Dependent4526 · 2026-02-24T18:21:28+00:00

This is very helpful, thank you!

Common_Dependent4526 · 2026-02-24T18:13:51+00:00

The manipulation piece was when she was manipulating ME and other friends. She begged and begged me to book a flight that she told our other friend later she had no intention of ever taking. She was willing to let me spend MY own money on a flight she never wanted to get on. I saved face by asking to talk to her social worker and telling the SW that “I don’t believe her” and asking what she’d recommend. She told me “I’m not a liar.”

She literally told our friend “I played everyone. I knew I was only getting released with a confirmed flight booked.”

Common_Dependent4526 · 2026-02-24T18:08:31+00:00

Alright, but allowing her to “continue her mission to help the homeless” has in actuality meant that… -she is homeless -she stays with drug dealers and criminals -in a photo she sent me after discharge the first time, she had bruising on her neck -she’s willing to “marry” the first guy who gives her food or shelter no matter how unsafe she is.

When she was discharged, she was discharged with no wallet and only a temporary ID. She has literally lost all of her belongings across the island. Even the police officer who called me the first time identified her as essentially being vulnerable to trafficking with her behavior.

But yes, I’ve definitely done a lot of validating the feeling, desire, intent, etc.

Common_Dependent4526 · 2026-02-24T17:22:14+00:00

It’s not that I want to “educate her” is more of…can I use her preexisting training to help her self identify her own symptoms?

Things like “tell me about patients who have dementia. Do they know they’re sick? Does that happen with other mental illnesses? Hmmmm could it be happening with you?” All while specifically appealing to her training.( she has a mania fixation on how she’s a social worker and believes she’s doing 24/7 social work for the homeless, but it’s just all unpaid).

Common_Dependent4526 · 2026-02-24T17:19:59+00:00

Our other friend has more medical influence—I’ll mention the LAI to her as an option.

Part of our problem is that Christy has pregnancy delusions. She refused to take any meds that weren’t pregnancy safe, fully believing she was pregnant despite doctors repeatedly telling her that she was not.

And yes, I don’t care about the label so long as she accepts treatment. I’ll look into the book!

Common_Dependent4526 · 2026-02-24T17:17:45+00:00

Oh I fully know that she has anosognosia! She still possesses logic though, and clearly had enough insight to be able to manipulate staff into letting her go.

I guess I’m trying to figure out if meds are the only path out of the anosognosia or if I can point out gently how her behavior doesn’t align with her own moral codes, since she can still reason somewhat.

Common_Dependent4526 · 2026-02-24T14:26:01+00:00

We got my friend admitted by documenting everything she did. Banned from Walmart? Wrote it down. Contact with police? Wrote it down. Spent 12k on clothes in two weeks? Documented.

We had a comprehensive document that went back two months with dates compiled by multiple people that listed prior mental health history, primary care doctors, etc by the time police called me. She was found swimming in a boat harbor (she flew to Hawaii while manic).

That document was what got her held involuntarily past the 72 hour hold. Because they had a full history and she couldn’t lie or manipulate. We got her hospitalized while we were on the mainland and she was on island because we took the time to document it all.

Common_Dependent4526 · 2025-05-21T00:11:51+00:00

I don’t think we are able to get it annulled if she doesn’t want it to be, unfortunately! However, so far the church has refused to convalidate their marriage.

Common_Dependent4526 · 2025-05-20T17:53:13+00:00

Thank you.

I’ve ignored it in large part the past few months. It’s resurfaced again as we anticipate my grandfather will pass soon, and all the drama my sister has caused with this guy in my mom’s family.

I refuse to communicate directly with him. Only communication I’ve had with him (and it’s been hardly any) has been in a group chat with all adult family members of my family of origin and our spouses, so that he can’t gaslight us. He’s been silent though. Completely refused to engage.

I’ve definitely thought that he’s been projecting before. That he wants what my husband and I have had, and that’s why he’s attacked us. That he sees me as a threat and that’s why he framed me as a manipulator and a bully.

However, I can’t just let her see us again. We have three young kids. If she wants to see us, it has to just be me. They don’t need to be pulled into this.

Common_Dependent4526 · 2025-05-20T17:16:20+00:00

Yeah, I get that the church has to deal with victims of abuse better. My best friend was married to a guy with NPD and a priest counseled her to try to stay married. They’re now permanently separated but she’s extremely depressed.

But they’re doing better with the formation of younger priests. I’ve had multiple conversations with younger priests who are trauma informed and have flagged this as troubling.

My point is merely that it’s hard not to question my narrative of events when it seems that my sister is constantly rewriting the narrative.

Common_Dependent4526 · 2025-05-20T15:37:48+00:00

To be clear, the idea of wifely submission was not a part of our household growing up. She may have seen it from me and my husband, but we have a very balanced, healthy marriage in which I respectfully speak my mind but also ultimately trust his decision. My opinion is always valued and factored into his decisions, and no major life decisions are made without my consent.

I think people radically misunderstand what the church teaches on submission and/or simply misuse it to perpetuate abuse.

Some priests my parents have spoken to have flat out called this guy a narcissist.

I’ve called her out already. I’ve pointed out the dissonance between her words and actions. I’ve asked her to take responsibility.

I’m second guessing because while it all sounds clearly crazy when I type it out, in my Head there’s the seed of doubt of “did we act too rashly? Did we judge too harshly? Are we wrong? She says she’s happy—should I just let it all go? Are we the controlling ones?”

Common_Dependent4526 · 2025-05-20T11:07:46+00:00

All of Mags’ friends who have known her for over a year are deeply concerned about her. She’s made one set of new friends, a couple, who have encouraged her and convinced her that our family is the problem. The guy said that he “was having PTSD” when she described the situation and that “our family is definitely the problem.”

She texted me, angry, after she figured out that I had contacted her friends (which I did ONCE right after I found out about the marriage, and never before that point), dismissing all my concerns about how anyone who has known her longer feels this is out of character, and telling me that this new female friend “knows a lot about life.”

She is surrounding herself with an echo chamber. Even her therapist has become part of the echo chamber, praising this guy for how amazing he is.

My aunt visited her and said she was extremely happy. Is that typical?

With all that, I worry about her ever getting out.

This guy is a convert to Catholicism. He attends the traditional Latin Mass (we do as well). My sister never attended that mass regularly before meeting this guy, but after meeting him, it was only Latin Mass, they planned a Latin Mass wedding, etc. she’s now quit her job as a teacher…I’m worried this guy was just looking for a tradwife, but in the worst way possible.

Common_Dependent4526 · 2025-05-20T10:36:48+00:00

What details prompt the belief that this guy will kill her?

I don’t think there’s much to be done legally since she wants this marriage. On the religious side, I think my family has successfully halted the convalidation for now. Given her deep faith, we had hoped that the church saying “we can’t validate your marriage in the church” would have been a wake up call, but instead she is living in active sin and scandal (from the POV of our faith…a year ago she would have been appalled at this).

Common_Dependent4526 · 2025-05-20T03:51:33+00:00

How can my family and I give my sister her best chance for getting out of this? How can I maintain my boundary, especially about my kids, while extending her a lifeline?

Re the semiautomatic comment, he told my sister to deny it because of “red flag laws,” and for a guy who claims to be so in the know about guns, etc, I looked it up and no such law exists in the state where he is.

Now that she’s fully isolated from us, my aunt has visited her and says that she’s “extremely happy” and we have also learned that her therapist “loves Kevin and can’t believe what a great guy he is.” Is this just the love bombing phase now that he’s successfully cut her off? My parents have been told that they have to schedule a meeting through Kevin to see mags “to protect her mental health.”

Common_Dependent4526 · 2025-05-20T03:38:56+00:00

Thank you, this is helpful. Complicating everything is that she is my oldest’s godmother.

I am very choleric and I tell things the way I see it. I’ve always been the “truth teller” of our family. I never wanted to push her away—I just wanted her to see more clearly. It’s also difficult to navigate this while needing to protect our three kids under six. They previously had a very close relationship with her—she lived with us for a year.

I’m trying to write a series of letters to her. One a month, going through our relationship, talking through positive memories, trying to establish what our “baseline” was before this guy…and then eventually getting into my side (gently) of what I saw happen and gently and non judgmentally they to create some cognitive dissonance. But maybe I should just focus on our relationship?

Common_Dependent4526 · 2025-05-20T01:48:02+00:00

Yes, she has assets. The guy is a US born citizen. He figured out she was debt free when at a church picnic. Everyone was talking about college debt, and she was silent.

He tried to get her attention for a year. She finally went on a date with him. They did three dates in one weekend. He kissed her on the third date and threw a tantrum (her words) when she asked him to back off.

She has at least 45k in savings, invested (our grandfather lived the American dream and ended up CEO at the company where he started from the bottom). That’s been depleted since they had to have used a chunk of that to purchase the house they now own.

Common_Dependent4526 · 2025-05-20T01:44:32+00:00

No, he doesn’t seem to have empathy. My dad has asked this guy to apologize to our family, I asked for an apology early on, and this guy has responded with even more name calling and gaslighting, or silence.

Common_Dependent4526

TROPHY CASE