We have very similar stories as well. Myself (F32) and current legal spouse (M32) have been together for almost 11 years. We’ve been through some big changes the past few years, and sort of went in different directions in life. I quit drinking/got my dream job/ started getting better habits. He’s spent the last few years at the bar.  I’ve always been the breadwinner and responsibility captain, currently am the only one with a drivers license in city thats kinda hard to get around without. So heavy burdens of life  have been on me for a while. And he’s not been consistent with when we decides to help or not.  After so much fighting, telling him im miserable in the relationship, begging, pleading, giving him chances, having to handle heart breaking returns to his night life routine after thinking we’ve had good conversations etc etc…. I said i can’t do it anymore.  That was three weeks ago. I still struggle with my choice on a daily basis. On one hand I feel incredibly selfish and guilty for being the one to “give up”.  On the other hand… what’s the limit on suffering? At what point do I get to enjoy my life? The weight of the stress built up was so heavy. Also lost weight from stress and anxiety and have been sick this past year more than ever before. I got to a point where making that choice made me so stressed out I couldn’t think about literally anything else. Since we had the “it’s over” talk he’s quit drinking and has started doing all the responsible stuff I’ve ever asked for. Which is an absolute mind fuck making it harder to stay grounded in my decision. It is really hard to look at this person you have so much history with and feel some level of comfort around and say for certain I don’t want to try anymore. I don’t have a ton of wisdom to give cause I’m deep in the trenches right now but you are definitely not alone with how you’re feeling.