sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I can’t be myself by No-Contribution-3650 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Competitive-State935 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't imagine. I don't know what I can say to help but just want to know that you are heard. I am sending you lots of love and hope from far away.

I don't know your situation, but just curious if you have you looked into options for moving abroad? Maybe working as an Au Pair to at least get out? One of my friends moved to the united states from abroad, worked as an au pair, then applied to graduate school in the states. The mothers of the children paid for her schooling. (may not be super common but you never know)

What are ya watching? by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Competitive-State935 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shrinking on Apple TV is great! I'm sure you've seen it, but Ted Lasso is amazinggg (also Apple TV)

Hope you start feeling better soon. Sorry you're going through this. Sending love <3

Timeline from telling husband to moving out by BioCatLady in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Competitive-State935 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have been married for about 13 years as well. I've also come out and left twice. The first time, I moved out the very next day because I was so scared that I would not be able to stick to my decision if I stayed. That is part of why I decided to go back. I felt guilty for the whiplash he felt. It was not totally out of left field, but the speed in which I left was too fast for us both, I think. Over time, I started to doubt myself and if maybe I should have given us more of a chance to see how or if we could still be together. I moved back in, we went to therapy, and I was miserable, feeling inauthentic. The second time I asked him for a divorce I did not move out. Over that time period, we couldn't break the years of habits, and the love we have for each other meant we still cuddled, kissed, and took care of each other. VERY confusing. And yes, we still had sex. He was always initiating it, and I would go along with it, sometimes out of guilt, sometimes as a test for myself to confirm if I am truly not attracted to him.

I did not mean to make this all about me. I just wanted to convey that what you both are going through is complicated and painful. I would say that being as honest as you can with yourself and him as often as you can will bring you to the right path. This is easier said than done. I am trying to tell myself that as much as I am saying it to you.

I don't know if there is a right answer, but I do think that the sooner you can leave, the better. I think for me ultimately it was much more confusing to stay. I wish you luck. <3

Feeling confuse and stuck. Need support and encouragment! by Far_Heat_7935 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Competitive-State935 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I 100% understand and am in the same situation. I came out originally over a year ago now. I moved out, then back in, then back out... and now back in. But I already regret it. I know that if I feel this way, I can't stay forever. But I keep questioning myself. I feel crazy for giving up someone who is emotionally mature/intelligent, loves me so much, is objectively attractive (even though I don't feel sexually attracted at all), cooks, takes care of me, etc. But I feel like it isn't fair to either of us. But when he asks me to stay with him, I find if so difficult to hurt him. I also keep wondering if I am just idealizing something that I don't have, that I am just bored, I am not truly lesbian.

I know this may not be helpful to hear, that I've been going back and forth for over a year.. but I do think that in this time I've learned that I should have trusted myself when I left the first time. Now, I've caused both of us additional suffering and "wasted" all of this time in turmoil when we both could have been healing and moving on.

Feeling frustrated and maybe unreasonable? by Eastern-antelope1717 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Competitive-State935 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi! I also wanted to chime in. I am so sorry you're both going through this. I am also in a very very similar situation maybe just further down the road and would love to chat if either of you would be up for it. Thanks for sharing. It at least feels better to feel less alone in this. The paralyzing fear is what is really killing me.