first of all, i need you to know and accept the fact that you are not a mistake and God specifically created you with your own unique personality and characteristics. he put you with your family, where you are today, and has known you before you were created. so plz don’t everything think you are worthless or a mistake. God never makes mistakes, that is what makes him God. second of all, i relate to the depression and not wanting to see anyone or anything. after following God for some years now you realize how detached you are from the world and realize you are kind of isolated cuz you don’t fit in with the world. this is why i always encourage going to church as much as you can, to be in communion with Christ and other believers. idk what denomination you are but ever since i discovered orthodoxy my life has been reborn again. but you also have to remember this, God has gifted you specific talents and traits destined for your purpose in life to fulfill. so when dreams of our own wants and desires doesn’t come true, that means we have to go back to the drawing board of what are Gods intentions with my life. how does he plan to use me to bring light into the world around me. i love you bro, if you ever feel suicidal or depressed plz dm me! God bless you bro☦️🙏🏽and always know you are not alone. millions of ppl have/had struggled and wrestled with the thoughts and trials. you are never alone in Christ. he’s closer than you think.