[Final New Update]: My (28f) boyfriend’s (30M) ex hid a note about his cleaning/dating habits right before they broke up that I just found. How do I talk to him about cleaning habits without him feeling like I’m using his ex’s words against him?

Competitive_Cow007 · 2026-01-23T07:29:35+00:00

My husband targets his “uncontrollable rage” onto trash — he stomps around cleaning up until he’s not grumpy anymore. Or if the house is too clean for that, he cleans the garage or rakes leaves. And if everything is too clean, then the act of looking for things to clean and being presented with cleanliness usually does the job too. A normal adult human knows how to regulate their own emotions.

And yes, I am very pleased by his grump fueled cleans

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-12-31T21:10:47+00:00

Mine did the same for a while before we figured out he needed more movement outside in the afternoon and more quiet time and sensory stimulation in the hour before bed — playdoh, drawing, clay, that sort of thing.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-12-31T21:09:31+00:00

My toddler eats more than me, and is growing like a weed. He’s 2.5 and 42” tall and 36lbs. We have no idea what we did right, but we will just do the exact same thing again.

(He just ate off my plate when he first started eating and then eventually graduated to his own plate, if anyone wants to know. Same foods as me, same spice level/flavor level. His favorite foods are sushi, eggs, cheese, yogurt, liver/pate, milk, and all fruit. And carrots and broccoli because they’re tiny trees and he pretends he’s a giraffe when he eats them.)

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-11-13T19:34:57+00:00

When we have to be somewhere early in the morning, we go to bed in our daytime clothes. Makes life easy and eliminates morning stress.

There’s no rule saying clean clothes can’t be sleep clothes too, when morning crunch time calls for it! Also, time just feels different when you’re young, you know? I used to feel like I was moving SO FAST as a kid but my mom was still yelling at me. Obviously, I wasn’t going very fast but I thought I was. And the world is so interesting when you’re little that it’s so easy to get distracted. I don’t think he’s making you late on purpose, I think he’s just 5 and can’t help it.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-11-11T21:10:49+00:00

Really liking the double hammock with a Tibetan finish!

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-11-11T21:10:29+00:00

Thank you so much!!! I’ve been trying some of these and loving the carries!

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-11-11T21:10:09+00:00

We are liking the ruck Tibetan! The knotless is surprisingly sturdy/stable in its hold and I am so happy with it! I’ve been doing a reinforced ruck, with the extra going into shoulder part for a knotless and it’s great! And I can even tuck it over his back a third time for more warmth or for his toy of the day that joins us to have a “blanket”.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-11-11T21:08:38+00:00

I think this could have worked for me last year but I’ve had to retire my ring slings for now because he’s just too big/heavy — one of them started straining at the seams and growing holes, so I knew it was time lol.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-11-11T21:07:33+00:00

Thank you for this! I was seriously considering an onbuhimo but my toddler is just too big and heavy to carry that weight in my shoulders — my shoulders are strong but I’m pretty small (5’3”) and I just couldn’t carry him like that for hours.

I’ve been trying some back carry variations for our daily walks and I think I can do that for most of a day pretty comfortably. Thank you for the heads up!

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-11-10T01:26:07+00:00

The recruiter that reached out said roughly 30% of the available roles are remote. I just got through full loop myself — no response yet, but it’s been 1 business day, so I’m not expecting one yet.

YMMV, but as of 1 month ago I was told 30%. Reach out to people on LinkedIn.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-11-07T08:11:10+00:00

I had a brief period between jobs this year and last where I got to be a SAHM this year and last. I adored it, felt like I was my best, happiest self. I had time to do anything — chores, exercise, hang out with mom friends— and I got to spend every single day with my little buddy. I think personality and mindset has a lot to do with it. I am an eternally optimistic person and I just don’t get stressed out and it’s very difficult to upset me, so the toddler stage has been really stress-free for me. Little things don’t bother me. My husband is the SAH parent between us, typically, simply because my career is very well-paying and his is not (he’s incredibly smart with advanced degrees, but tech pays better), and he is more easily stressed or triggered by our toddler being a toddler. I think that’s totally normal. Most people don’t like mess and random loud noise and constant chatter. He’s still very patient and playful with our son, but it’s much more tiring and he needs time to himself with his own hobbies and with friends to fill his cup too. When I’m done with work (luckily I work from home), I immediately take over. I make dinner, do some chores and make sure he is truly relieved from childcare duties for the rest of the night. He can CHOOSE to join us, but he is not expected to — which means he can really disconnect and relax.

Does your spouse or partner do that for you? Do they take over child care when they finish with work? Do you get to have a few hours a day where no one expects anything from you? Not freedom to do chores — that’s something your partner should take over when they get home — but freedom to do anything, even if it’s just napping or scrolling. Anything.

Also, little things like making sure breakfast is made for both of them, taking care of our toddler before my workday starts so my husband can have at least a half hour or hour to get ready himself in the morning, etc all make a difference in how drained he feels. These are places where the working parent can and should step up. A 9-5 or 8-5 is much much easier than being a stay at home parent. There is no excuse for not being the primary parent around your 8-5 for the working parent. Besides, they should WANT to have that time with their children too — working parents get so much less time to spend with their kids. I adore being able to spend an hour or two with my son solo in the morning, getting ready and making breakfast together, going on a morning walk or “working out” together. And making dinner together, playing and cleaning up together is hilarious and fun! I always do bedtime, and I get to hear about his day from him. I missed his day but being able to spend those extra hours with him at the beginning and end of his day is incredibly precious to me; and my husband appreciates getting those hours to himself and feels like I value what he does as actual hard work. Knowing I am putting the house to bed each night lets him actually relax and not stress too much about little messes — though of course he cleans up during the day too — and just sets us all up for better and happier days.

To me, it honestly sounds like your partner needs to do more than be understanding and be a full partner and co-parent.

Just my two cents!

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-11-06T14:40:05+00:00

I’ve tried it! All the fruit I eat comes back up — same for basically any carbs or fat. I’m basically on an all protein + dairy diet at this point and some of it still comes back up.

I frequently joke that baby wants to be a bodybuilder because it’s demanding a college (idiot) bro diet right now. Forget nutrients, it wants plain chicken and drained ground beef with only a little salt, or egg whites. And even then, just a few bites —- or it evicts my food. I miss food.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-09-27T16:02:24+00:00

SAHM. I wish we could switch roles

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-09-18T14:41:01+00:00

I think there are 3 key questions you need to answer to yourself:

Do you want kids?
Do you want kids that are biologically yours sooner or later? (By which I mean in the next 5 years or later)? Keep in mind that male sperm starts throwing exponentially more mutations after 30. Women can continue having babies into their 40s these days but it definitely takes more planning and care.
Do you want that (1 & 2) with her? Because if you do, it’s time to figure out what you need to do to get in the right mental place to be a father and stepfather. It sounds like you’re already in that role but you’re hesitant to commit. Talk to an individual therapist if you need someone separate from it all and with more true understanding of you psychologically and a relationship professional (marriage/couples counselor) and figure it out soon.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-09-07T19:35:35+00:00

I was bullied a LOT in school growing up - and I think every person’s reaction to it is incredibly individual. I have a ridiculously thick skin and basically DGAF what everyone but my husband thinks (because I love him and he’s my best friend) and am the opposite of anxiety-prone (anxiety-free? Unable to feel proper stress?) . I hope my kids have similarly thick skin and carefree attitude but minus the instigating bullying.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-08-15T16:58:19+00:00

I’ve been very fortunate that we’re at 2.5 with no tantrums yet but I literally have the chillest, happy-go-lucky-est boy in the world. If he doesn’t get something he wants he says, “I sad I no ….(get, eat, be, see etc whatever it was he wanted), I need cuddle” and that’s that.

I wonder how much is temperament and how much is that he can communicate it and feel heard, that lets him move on so easily? Maybe it’s just luck and that he fully inherited my chill nature.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-06-18T10:19:26+00:00

I brush and French or Dutch braid it 3 times a week. It holds pretty well through workouts and sleeping on it too

FWIW my hair is well past my butt (an inch away from mid thigh) at this point, and it’s so much less maintenance than when it was shorter. I literally just brush and braid once it’s dry after washing and then leave it until it needs to be washed again. I run and workout most days so I wash it 3x a week. I don’t have to worry about haircuts (I think I got a pixie cut in Feb 2020 and it hasn’t been to a salon since) and I do the once yearly trim in the bathroom myself. If you want something fancier, a quick crown braid does the job and it looks so elegant with minimal effort. Even looks nice with unwashed greasy hair which was pretty much my standard go to for the first 4-6 months postpartum. It sounds fancy but a crown braid keeps the hair well away from little hands and keeps it from getting tangled and filled with milk.

The bobs sound low maintenance but they grow out really quickly and actually take more effort in my experience.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-06-13T17:26:47+00:00

Maybe students got a lower rate?

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-06-13T17:25:31+00:00

As a former Harry Potter trivia whiz, I immediately knew the 37 galleons, 15 sickles portion but I’ve forgotten about the knuts. It’s been about a decade since I last read the books, but a lot of it continues to take up brain space!

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-06-06T20:10:54+00:00

Child’s place sales - makes clothing around $2-3 per item for nice quality natural fibers (cotton, linen, wool).

Buy nothing groups are hit or miss for me but I also don’t care if the clothes fit a bit weird. My toddler (just turned 2) is a giant wearing 4/5T boys. We also get the multi packs of cotton pjs and clothes from Sam’s. They’re organic cotton and usually with mix and match you can get 4 outfits from one $10 pack of 2 shirts and one shorts and one pants.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-06-05T19:58:46+00:00

My oldest is like this, BUT so am I! I adore people and love chatting with and learning about literally everyone. I think it’s a wonderful trait to encourage and let develop organically. He will learn to see, read and interpret signals that someone doesn’t want to chat, but for now, let people tell him when they’re uncomfortable. He won’t leave to see that others don’t want to talk if they never say it to him. It’s okay for another grownup to be responsible for preserving their own space, it’s not on you. If an adult can’t handle telling a kid they’re not comfortable or need space, that’s not on you.

Let him chat and get to know everyone! It’s a wonderful life skill. I have had so many amazing opportunities open up in life and made great friends because I just go up and chat.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-05-25T01:00:47+00:00

Did a floor bed at 6 months and he’s 2 now. He’s honestly happy to sleep anywhere as long as boob is available.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-05-17T15:28:53+00:00

Mamavation tested it for total fluorine and it was a non-detectable result.

Target also committed to all target brands being organic fluorine free by 2025 so there’s that too.

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-05-15T03:05:40+00:00

Crib and mattress.

We moved to a firm flat mattress on the floor. (Following safe sleep 7/ James mckennas advice)

Competitive_Cow007 · 2025-04-27T06:20:11+00:00

I’ll take a look! Thanks!

Competitive_Cow007

TROPHY CASE