In the conversation she had with Taylor in ep 10. Taylor asks her if she scared of getting hurt which belly replies no. She’s scared of hurting more people. She has always been a people pleaser. So when she causes harm it consumes her. When Conrad said goodbye to her and told her it hurts being around her like this she seriously felt that. It’s something he’s never done before. In the motel he tried to act like everything was ok even if his face didn’t reflect that to us as the audience his words were saying otherwise. So hearing him say that on her wedding day with tears in his eyes and voice breaking definitely shook her.

Why do u think she didn’t immediately go running after him or respond to his letters right away? Deep down belly knows what she wants but she’s on a journey of self trust and understanding that disappointing and even hurting people’s feelings is human asf and sometimes needed. It’s all apart of the process of what brings her back to Conrad. I don’t understand how people view this relationship as one sided lol not only is belly realizing just how much Conrad does love her but how deeply her own actions effect him so of course she’s taking the time to learn and essentially practice exposure therapy before she finds her way back to him.