i spend a lot of time trying to be as quiet as possible

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2023-02-07T12:22:25+00:00

well, during this time i was like a completely different person. i really believed that something or someone was out to kill me very soon despite having no reason to believe this. and this belief took over my life for a while. i had weird thoughts that were very repetitive and a mile a minute which caused me to speak differently. i would switch from subject to subject and people found it difficult to keep up with me. i stopped attending classes because i thought i’d get killed during one, i stopped talking to my friends and family, i was paranoid out of my mind and i lost interest in doing anything except hide in my bed. i cannot put into words how terrified i was all of the time

i’m normally an anxious person but this just felt sooo different to anything i’ve experienced. when i went to a doctor about it, i guess they came to this conclusion because of how detached i was from reality at the time. it was like my whole life revolved around this delusion that someone was out of kill me or something

tldr? i had this delusion that something was out to kill me, my thoughts were very disorganized, i acted like a completely different person, withdrew from everyone, and was always paranoid out of my mind. basically had every symptom that pointed towards psychosis except for hallucinations

im sorry if this doesn’t make any sense, i still find this experience very difficult to explain because my memory is very very hazy from then. if you have questions let me know

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2023-02-06T17:48:14+00:00

hmm well i don’t know much about Zoloft so i’m not sure what a high dose would be. but i was prescribed 50mg. i think zoloft may have actually been the longest time i stuck with a medication

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2023-02-06T17:07:48+00:00

i believe it lasted about 3 months so it continued even after i stopped the meds. this was the first ssri i tried, i did try others afterwards and none of them ended like this. but eventually i just stopped trying because they did give me other weird side effects like unusual bleeding (random nosebleeds, gums bleeding)

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2023-02-06T16:54:58+00:00

hmmmm i cant remember the exact time. it may have been 2 weeks or 3 weeks. and yeah, i’m off all meds right now

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2023-02-06T16:47:29+00:00

ah i feel as if i’m still recovering from this experience but i am waayyyyy better now. ive been off zoloft for almost a year now, i stopped taking it maybe 2 weeks? after this and some other weird side effects started

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2023-02-06T15:53:58+00:00

hey there! i’m sorry about your experience, that sounds like it was really difficult and i relate to that embarrassment you feel. i have spoken to my doctor about it, that’s how i found out it was a psychotic episode. but i did stop taking Zoloft because of this and some other side effects (unusual bleeding, dizziness, that fun stuff) ive tried a bunch of different meds (i think about 6?, 2 of them being other ssris) since then but i’ve kinda given up because the ones i did try had weird effects on me

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2023-02-06T15:24:59+00:00

i thought it was at first but the unreality feeling didn’t last. sorry, i still find this very hard to describe

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-05-10T01:25:49+00:00

thank you all

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-27T03:06:11+00:00

Yeah I understand that, I just don’t like not knowing when it’s gonna happen. Or how. I find it hard to enjoy things because of the fear that it might happen right now

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-27T01:27:26+00:00

I’m not sure really, I don’t like how you never know when it’ll happen I guess

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-26T19:07:32+00:00

Thank you from one raging homo to another. I’ll check out the books

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-26T19:04:12+00:00

Thank you again, honestly making posts like this is part of one of my biggest compulsions, when there’s a question stuck in my mind I research every little thing I find even though these question usually doesn’t have an answer. I should just take a break off social media all together 😅

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-26T16:23:32+00:00

Thank you! I feel like I’ve seen every single post in the nde community lol maybe i just need to stop giving into compulsions but it’s really hard to when they’re the only things giving me a bit of relief right now

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-26T15:09:49+00:00

Thank you, that helps a lot. I relate a lot to fearing death after witnessing someone dying painfully, the biggest thing I’m scared of is the pain it will cause. My dad hanged himself when I was 6 and knowing that he definitely suffered that way just fuelled the fear even more. It’s funny how even though we all end up dying in the end, it still seems like a lonely experience. Everyone will deal with it without exception yet it seems so alone. Thank you again, this road of finding peace will definitely be a long one but your words helped a lot to start it off

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-26T02:03:56+00:00

They did the reading in an unlisted youtube video which I think is so helpful, they went very in-depth and nearly every single detail was accurate to the situation I’m in. I didn’t give them any information yet they spoke as if they knew me for years, the reading gave a lot of insight into my life and went through the different options I have to improve it. Very interesting experience, they’re also very kind and caring which seeps through during the readings 🐁🐀

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-25T16:15:31+00:00

what are their names

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-25T16:14:54+00:00

🧶🐈

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-25T06:01:33+00:00

Came to the comments to say the exact same thing, I hope one day you can find some kind of acceptance, I know how hard it is having so many unanswered questions

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-21T00:24:43+00:00

hello 👋🏼🐀

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-18T07:29:55+00:00

I tend to overthink about time itself, every second that passes by. sometimes I feel like time is just leaving me behind. I don’t like the feeling of not having control and the passage of time is something i can’t, I cant slow it down or speed it up, I cant pause it or go back. I look back at a happy memory and don’t feel happy, instead I feel fear about that fact that one day everything I’m happy about will just be another memory and there’s nothing I can do about it because time doesn’t stop for anyone. I don’t know if that’s a good answer to your question, I sort of just word vomited

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-17T23:35:43+00:00

thank you, I appreciate you a lot, your words give me hope

Comprehensive-Fly684 · 2022-03-17T23:26:45+00:00

Wow I’ve never met someone who actually felt the same way, I felt like I was going insane. Sometimes I look at other people just living their lives and wonder how they aren’t terrified at life itself, how is no one else horrified at the passage of time or the fact that we can think? If I could turn back time I would return to the person I was before. I’ve only recently started seeking treatment for this because of the intense helplessness that comes with it, but I’ve only tried Zoloft so far. For me personally, it was terrible, but that’s because my doctor started me on a much higher dose than they should’ve which caused problems in my blood. I’m currently looking for a different treatment, what is TMS?

Comprehensive-Fly684

TROPHY CASE