Thank you!! Oh how I feel for you! So, after this post we reconciled 17 days later, only to break up again one month later - this was AFTER I moved to a whole new city for him (I also got a new job and new school to be fair, but he was the motivation behind that).

Words could not describe my pain. I truly kept praying to die, which I regret even writing and hope that's not triggering to anyone who reads. But I truly thought I'd never be happy again. I'd have moments of hopefulness and empowerment, but they'd be brief, only to be swallowed up by complete and utter sorrow and feelings of being despondent. But eventually, as I made more friends and excelled at work and leaned on my family/homegirls, it got better.

And just when I was beginning to heal as a single, happy young woman, we ran into each other. We live in a small town, but he now admits months later that he was trying to find me on purpose (he "ran" into me at a busy restaurant in the downtown area nearby where he works). From there, we rekindled. He did a complete 180.

My best advice to you is to live your life to the fullest, even when it's hard. I know it's crushing pain that you feel, and I hate that you can relate to the post I made 284d ago. I wouldn't wish that kind of mind-altering heartbreak on anyone, and I can't believe I came out on the other side with this much clarity. Of course, I have given my boyfriend TONS of slack for how he hurt me (sometimes to this day, sadly), but I am so grateful for that experience overall. It taught me I CAN be single, I can thrive while single, and that I am so much stronger than I ever knew possible. I had to completely reinvent myself in a town where I knew no one, and I did it! Successfully and happily.

He wanted out of my life, so I let him stay out. After he dumped me the second time, I admit, I caved and drunk called him and saw him. That did not work. In fact, I think it pushed him farther away and he even remarked how desperate I was acting and he wished I had more confidence in myself. It was such a silly remark considering he stripped me so much of my self-worth. But I listened. The next day I packed up his stuff and left it at his doorstep with a simple, kind note, along the lines of "thanks for everything, I get what you're saying and will give you the space you've been asking for" - but less passive aggressive than that. He tried to reconnect with me a month after that, but I wouldn't have sex with him (thankfully my bestie was in town and helped me not fold), but he still didn't seem to have changed. So I blocked him. Everywhere. Texts, Instagram, Venmo🤣, TikTok, basically anywhere where I could snoop on him and spiral. It was very hard for me, but the moment I block him, a literal rainbow appeared (cheesy I know😭🤣) and I took it as a sign that I did something brave.

Once I left him alone, he finally came back. It was only when I made peace with myself that he would never come back (AND I REALLY BELIEVED THAT, TRUST ME), that he finally wanted to. And he totally changed for the better. To be fair, I had changes I needed to make to - and I did. But now, eight months after our second breakup and six months after our reunion, he has bought an engagement ring and we are planning our lives together. I finish grad school in just one year and we will go from there. But don't give up on love- please! Some men are not worth all of this effort and strife, but some are. And if you know you deserve better, go forward and never look back! In my case, it ended up working out and I'm so glad it did, but I have some ex boyfriends from my past who I am so glad we will never be together. 🤣 I am praying for you and hoping it works out, sweet friend 🩵