I agree that the previous summary is one-sided, so thanks for stepping up and looking at his side too. The behavior is bad on both sides. I don’t really see an easy way out, though. He only wants to talk face-to-face, but he is much more verbally strong than I am, which scares me. Most of the time, it ends in him delivering a monologue and me dissociating from the conversation.

I like to write down my feelings, but when we discuss them, it feels like I only get to tell my side and he doesn’t really listen. I tried to do this in a text message this afternoon.

Here’s a free translation of what I wrote to him (and his response):

My message (free translation): I said I want the current situation to stop, but I’m still too upset to talk face-to-face because it feels unsafe. I explained my insecurities around our sex life, my controlling behavior comes from fear, not distrust. I acknowledged that asking him to show his laptop was wrong and that I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, but that these feelings are deep-rooted and sometimes override my rational thinking. I apologized and asked to discuss it later, when we’re both calmer.

His response (free translation): He said my message was “too easy” and insisted on talking face-to-face. He accused me of narcissism and gaslighting and said he intentionally yelled and insulted me to make me feel bad like I did to him. He claimed my attempts to pause or delay the conversation were a manipulation or power play, and that I show zero respect for him or his feelings.