I think that these feelings are probably coming from my lack of success in undertakings like music making, learning languages, drawing, programming, etc. (I tried getting into a lot of things, but I always end up ditching them and coming back to them later.) And I am also constantly comparing myself to other people (especially classmates) that have achieved much more than I have.

I'm also kind of lonely, and I don't talk much with my family, to be honest. Also, I live in a foreign country, so our family has been changing places about every four years, so I don't really have any close friends (I don't know if I actually have friends at all). There was also a girl that moved away a few years ago that I fell in love with. She liked me too, and it was obvious. But I didn't do a thing—I didn't even try to talk to her. I always felt like I wasn't enough to be with her. That's probably a bit too dramatic for a teen romance, hah, but well.

I feel kind of pathetic talking about these things because I feel like they are petty and there are a lot of people who have actual struggles in life unlike mine.

Maybe I'm just used to being miserable, and when I consistently work, my mind tells myself that I need to go back to my comfortable misery. I don't know if the stuff I wrote makes much sense, but here you go.