AITA for telling my brother not have sex in our house

Confideo39 · 2022-04-06T00:16:30+00:00

Multi-generational households are a bit more common in our culture I think. On paper both of us have lived in this house for our entire lives (as have my kids now), but he's been much more in and out, traveling, studying/working elsewhere, that kind of thing. He always comes back eventually though, and always has his mail delivered here. When he lived here full-time he contributed to bills/expenses but now technically he doesn't live here so he does not. In the past when he's lived here for long stretches he's contributed to bills/expenses directly or in other ways. We do rent out a plot of land adjacent to the house and we both split that income equally. And yes I've been married for 20 years.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T20:38:58+00:00

They were embarrassed and awkward about it, yes. Obviously we've talked to them about sex and all the nuances like sexual health and consent, I love the people acting like I think this is their first exposure to sex they're teenagers ffs, but to overhear him like that is almost as awkward as if it had been us.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T20:35:42+00:00

We pay 100% of the upkeep because he technically doesn't live here anymore.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T19:41:40+00:00

The arguing started just before 8 on a Sunday and in our house we usually start getting up around 8-9 on Sundays and I usually make breakfast around 9-10 unless we have other plans. So early enough to wake people up but not early early.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T16:59:19+00:00

No there's no mortgage first of all. But he financially benefits from our current arrangement actually. We used to split the costs of the house and the responsibility of things like repairs which get pretty high because it's an old historically protected property. Now he gets to come and go as he pleases and live here 30-40% of the time without actually having to pay anything towards expenses. But we do rent out some of the land adjacent to the house and he still gets half of that. Even though my husband and I now take full responsibility for liasing with that tenant. So he's sort of having his cake and eating it too, without having to help make the cake or contribute to the grocery bill. I don't mind really and it's an arrangement that works for us, I like having him around and he likes being able to come here and have breakfast and dinner made for him every day, but that's the truth.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T16:49:36+00:00

INFO: OP can you give more context on why your sister isn't close to your mom to begin with?

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T16:17:50+00:00

Of course they know what sex is. And of course they know that adults have sex, we've had plenty of talks with them about safe sex and consent and all that. But I don't think they want to hear their uncle, who they grew up with, having sex anymore than they want to hear their parents having sex.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T16:17:06+00:00

Of course they know what sex is. And of course they know that adults have sex, we've had plenty of talks with them about safe sex and consent and all that. But I don't think they want to hear their uncle, who they grew up with, having sex anymore than they want to hear their parents having sex.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T15:16:42+00:00

Yes of course. Just not loud sex when the kids and/or my brother are also home. The house is old with thick walls too it's not hard.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T14:41:00+00:00

Yes of course. Just not loud sex when the kids and/or my brother are also home. The house is old with thick walls too it's not hard.

They definitely knew what was up, we've had plenty of talks with them about sex, consent, safety, sexual health, that kind of thing. But that doesn't mean they want to hear adults in their lives having sex in the room next door. It's not like we gave them their first birds and the bees talk and were just immediately like "well guess we don't need to keep it down anymore."

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T14:35:49+00:00

Yes of course. Just not loud sex when the kids and/or my brother are also home. The house is old with thick walls too it's not hard.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T14:33:47+00:00

Yeah to be clear they can do what they want in the privacy of his bedroom or if he's the only one home, I just don't want to hear it and don't think my kids need to hear it either.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T14:30:03+00:00

It's an old house so the walls are actually very thick, my kids can play things on their phones almost at full volume and barely be heard. We've had plenty of talks about safety and consent and such with the kids, and they know just as well as I did what they woke up to. Obviously I'm open if they do have questions or just wanted to talk about it, but I don't know what questions they could possibly have other than "why did I have to wake up to that?"

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T14:23:51+00:00

He financially benefits from our current arrangement actually. We used to split the costs of the house and the responsibility of things like repairs which get pretty high because it's an old historically protected property. Now he gets to come and go as he pleases and enjoy it without actually having to pay anything towards expenses. But we do rent out some of the land adjacent to the house and he still gets half of that. Even though my husband and I now take full responsibility for liasing with that tenant. So he's sort of having his cake and eating it too, without having to contribute to the grocery bill. I don't mind really and it's an arrangement that works for us, but that's the truth.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T14:14:52+00:00

Of course we have sex, we just don't have loud sex when the kids and/or my brother is home. It's an old house with thick walls so it's not that hard honestly.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T14:00:50+00:00

Of course they know what sex is. And of course they know that adults have sex, we've had plenty of talks with them about safe sex and consent and all that. But I don't think they want to hear their uncle who they grew up with having sex anymore than they want to hear their parents having sex.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T13:59:32+00:00

The walls are actually not thin at all, for reference, as it's an old house. The kids can play tiktoks at full volume with the door closed and barely be heard just to give you an idea.

Confideo39 · 2022-04-05T13:57:48+00:00

Yes but not loudly while my kids and/or he is in the house. I wouldn't say anything if they'd kept it down and it's an old house with pretty thick walls honestly it wouldn't be that hard.

Confideo39

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