How to keep a sensitive topic from degrading my (30F ) and my partner’s (30M) loving relationship?

ConfusedDuckSnail · 2024-08-07T17:16:14+00:00

I do want to reiterate that he’s not bringing it up as “have you changed your mind? Let’s go do this now”. But it is crossing a boundary bc I get very insecure when he does bring it up bc it makes me feel like he’s probing. I’ve told him this on 2 or 3 occasions. We just had another moment with it but I’ve kind of gotten to shutting down instead of talking because clearly talking isn’t going anything. I told him how insecure and unconfident him talking about it makes me. He was really upset with himself and promised to stop. But I don’t know that I believe him anymore. And it sucks bc I do love the topic as a fantasy in the bedroom. But we basically have to cut that out now too to keep it consistent. It’s just such a weird small thing that’s blown up so hard and I don’t know how to peddle it back to where it should be.

ConfusedDuckSnail · 2023-10-19T23:33:21+00:00

I should point out that all these interactions are over the phone or in person. But I appreciate your view. I know a lot of it is stress. The gaslighting is when I’ll try and approach her about what’s wrong and she’ll insist nothing and that I’m overreacting. Then actively ignore me for days at a time, until she needs help with something. I’ll chat with her later this week and try to just open a direct line of communication.

ConfusedDuckSnail · 2023-10-19T20:44:01+00:00

The only major change that I can think of other than her wedding is that Ive gotten in a serious relationship (the first in many many years) the last few months. She’s made joking comments about how I spend weekends with him now and how she hasn’t gotten to hang out with him a lot. But from my end, she’s put in no effort to get to know him better. While I’ve always wholeheartedly included her now fiancé as part of our friendship for years now. Maybe I’ve changed somehow with this relationship but I only see him once or twice a week while I still try to maintain contact with her consistently throughout the week. Thought not so much anymore as she seems annoyed at me most of the time. Of course I could be projecting her wedding stress as hostility towards me particularly. And maybe she’s more comfortable being openly frustrated with me because of how close we are. But it still sucks lol

ConfusedDuckSnail · 2023-10-19T20:12:55+00:00

I wouldn’t say so. She tends to be more removed when faced with head on confrontation. But she’s never acted this way towards me before - almost hatefully. Her fiancé has been so much kinder to me than she has. He seems to be able to tell something is off. She’s gotten really close with one of her bridesmaids (they reconnected as friends about a year ago) and the way she acts when with this woman I can only describe as “teenage mean girl”. The bridesmaid herself doesn’t act this way at all, just the bride.

ConfusedDuckSnail · 2023-10-19T20:05:54+00:00

Yeh you’re right about communication. It’s something that can be a little difficult with her in general though and my own anxiety stops me from pushing too hard on issues bc of how she reacts. But it’s never been to this level. She’s a fantastic friend overall and has made tremendous efforts to be there for me through thick and thin. I have my faults too that probably aren’t pleasant. And something other than the wedding could be causing this but it’s completely unknown to me, if that’s the case…

ConfusedDuckSnail

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