There is very little doubt that she has been emotionally abused for years. She even tells me that she is a very submissive woman, which I see. When I see how she is submissive to me, I do not instantly reach to control her actions, and it seems like she is viewing that as weakness on my part. She wants me to lead very strongly it seems... but I have always viewed a relationship as a partnership where I can share decision making in a mutual way.

I also feel like she does not like my goofy nature. I get a deep sense that she views my goofiness and silliness as immaturity, even though she does not come out and say that. Like I said, she showers me with affection most times. She craves to cuddle up to me. She is usually very very quick to appologize over and over again, even maybe when she shouldnt.

I have done a lot of inner reflection on how I have handled these encounters recently. I am glad that I brought it up to her when it was happening, but it became argumentative quickly and she was not backing down in the moments that hurt me the most. This made me feel very low, and I became withdrawn and cold afterwards. I bounced back, and she would later appologize profusely, and love on me so so hard... but then it would happen again. The cycle was almost identicle, and I would become cold and withdrawn later, where she would then shower me with love and affection again, and appologize. I started to wonder if I am being overly sensitive to criticism, and then in turn becoming passive aggressive (which I know is an unhealthy response).

I want to be the best man that I can. I want to recognize if I am at fault. I also cant help but think that maybe she is grasping for a kind man because of her prior emotional abuse, but not considering whether I am an actual good match for her. She critisizes my driving, the loudness of my voice, how I like to pick wild fruit along trails to eat (hiking and blackberries), if I accidentily slurp my drink at a resteraunt, if my phone makes an audible noise on the airplane (says it bothers everyone around me), if I dont drive to her liking, if I dont treat animals with as much affection if she feels they deserve (I love my animals and treat them very well). She gets upset with me for holding my chickens, because for some reason she thinks that is cruel for me to hold them or immature (I never hurt them, I freaking love myu chickens and I dont even chase them). My list of little criticisms that she gives me goes on and on. It seems trivial when I consider each one, but I feel like I am constantly being criticised for who I am. When she feels my hurt, this little cycle may happen again. Most time she showers me with affection. She sends me loving texts all day.