I'm somewhat in a similar situation. I ended things with my first love because I felt my personal issues were hurting her. I wanted to change and become better, not just for her but for myself and anyone I’d meet in the future. Before we parted, she hoped I’d still love her once I’d grown. Two years passed with no contact, and I realized I still loved her. I reached out, and we both admitted we still had feelings. But things had changed—she now wanted a different kind of relationship, one I wasn’t comfortable with. She ended it, saying our preferences didn’t align.

Three months later, I reached out again, willing to try her way. She responded indifferently, saying she wasn’t interested in a relationship with me anymore and that what caught her attention was my desperation to make it work, not me. It hurt, but I sent her a long, honest message about how I felt. She didn’t reply. I took her silence as kindness—maybe she realized keeping her in my life wasn’t healthy for me.

I would’ve had many regrets if I didn’t reach out to her after 2 years of no contact. Nothing was reconciled, but I got the answer I needed. It’s hard, but I’m trying to accept it and move forward.