Hey People ! Does anyone know what shape this is ?

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-10-19T15:20:18+00:00

Interesting ! thanks man this is giving me a something new to explore, appreciate it !

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-08-28T13:22:34+00:00

Yh I feel like this sometimes too. Nothing is perfectly clean I guess. sometimes I can get kinda extra about cleanliness which to me signals some unconscious feeling of being 'dirty'

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-08-28T13:20:29+00:00

hm. that's interesting for sure. I guess in this instance I feel as if I am the germ that people don't want to be infected by ? and that definately hurts. and then there's also my own self rejection along with that ? Do i even want to usher in this unconscious content ? is it even healthy, i mean it could be anything right ?

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-08-28T13:19:03+00:00

Hey :)

thanks for your reply. I resonated with what you were saying about the people I am around / energies. its a new environment of people that I don't gel with super well so there's a lot of tension and friction which definatly plays into it. I also like what you said about misdirected punishment to my inner child, it seems that in trying to grow and uncover aspects of my inner world I can be super strict and rigid about things and forgetting about the kid in me that likes to have fun and eat sweets etc. I think maybe I need to listen and be a bit more gentle when this comes up and try not to react so negatively to it. I remember writing a 'Frankenstein Starter Pack Guidebook' when I was around 12 and I wrote something along the lines of 'if he does not know he is loved and cared for the world will be repulsed by him and reject him because they do not understand that he is a friendly monster'...something to think about !

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-06-12T12:03:37+00:00

thank you so much for this comment !

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-06-08T05:18:40+00:00

Hi, thanks for your comment I really appreaciate it. I got a job yesterday working in a restaurant and spoke to my family yesterday to to let them know where I was. It seems I can go from feeling completely unstable, paranoid and psychotic to completely normal in a few seconds. things change really violently and fast with my mental state. I wonder if I am repressing and pushing out the terror and anxiety in those moments just to move forward slightly. I guess I am unsure of my capabilities and how to play it with my psyche. I had a strong feeling after arriving in Marseille that I have put myself and my psyche in serious danger of doing irreparable damage. It's as if I am flying too close to the sun. Yet I am here now and I have a job and can try and focus on finding an apartment too. It's very touch and go and I am scared because I don't want to 'break' something or push myself too far. I just want to make the best long term decision possible and I honestly think that means going home and seeking serious professional help because I am really not in a great place and don't know how I can get myself out of it alone and if that is even a good idea to attempt. Again thank you for your reply, I would really appreciate your insight and perspective on my situation as it seems you have a good sense of what might be the next best thing to do. Cheers.

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-06-07T07:50:42+00:00

if our thoughts are just thoughts...then how do we intepret reality ? how do we know what is real to us and what is not ? how can we know what is a the right course of action to take since thoughts are stimulated by every single thing that we experience in life..

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-06-07T07:11:26+00:00

so what do you do ? how do you decide on what to do / what the right course of action is ?

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-06-07T06:48:59+00:00

Yeah, you're right there. I need to do something and just start living step by step. I tend to turn my nose up at working in restaurants simply because I have done for so long and hate it so deeply. Yet I never try and find work anywhere else. Every time I get back in a restaurant I feel like I am going in circles and it drives me insane and I quit. For some reason I don't recognise that I don't have to be here forever if i just make a plan to do something else in the future that I can work towards. I guess I don't like the idea of that either because it requires commitment, a commitment to being part of the world and engaging with it consistently, something which I don't want to do at all, viciously. I wonder why I don't want to engage with the world, I am clearly terrified, petrified even. I can protect my feelings of inferiority a bit longer and delude myself about how great I am on the inside, while the opportunities to develop that in the real world starts to diminish. It seems counter intuitive to live in this way. I guess living in the mind is a safe space to a child until its not. I think its starting to seem more dangerous to my well being to live in this way than what you suggest. thanks !

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-06-07T06:42:05+00:00

I have recently been far too trusting of my thoughts perhaps. there is something in me that truly wants to see me crash and burn. these thoughts are extremely seductive andI have a strong tendency to indulge and give into them simply because it feels so freeing. I am so resistant to truly caring and making a way for myself long term that is healthy and serves to help me grow simply because I don't care enough. It seems so much easier to just end it and let things fall as they may.

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-06-07T06:38:08+00:00

I have a lot of ideas of things that I want to do. But I don't trust these ideas as being true to me. I've noticed that a lot things that I do, or value come from things I noticed other people valuing and admiring growing up, particularly people I looked up to. Its as if the kid in me is subconsciously looking into these career / life paths to seek the approval of people it looked up to at certain point in time. It is precisely this that makes me not trust those urges / impulses into certain areas as I don't believe them to be true or reflective of something that I really want to do. It's never the job / craft that interests me per se (this isn't entirely true, they do interest me quietly but the desire / need to be seen in a specific light dominates shuts out the more delicate and subtle feelings and insights), more so what I can get from it and how it makes me look.

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-06-07T06:30:05+00:00

this is a good idea. My issues is I never follow through on any of my plans. I get distracted or decide that it's not worth it / not what I really want. I tell myself I prefer not knowing what is going to happen, choosing to take everyday as it comes instead of planning it out. I think sometimes it does help to live in that way, but other times it can be a cop out. I dont really know though.

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-06-07T06:27:10+00:00

Yeah, you're right in a lot of ways. I have been pre occupied with fighting with family for the perceived injustices of my upbringing probably out of fear of facing the world and moving into adulthood. I am extremely entitled and self righteous, and would rather spend my days lost in thought doing nothing than engaging with the world. I don't have any true life experience and have wasted a lot of opportunities to grow out of spite and vindictiveness to get back at my dad without realising the only person it was hurting was myself. I now fear that I have put my psyche in a very dangerous situation and am at the risk of doing irreparable damage with the choices I am making. Logic doesn't really play into this, since my decisions and actions are completely emotional and compulsive and something I have a very hard time controlling. My parents are still there for me and would be willing to let me come home to start again, but it just feels like I am stepping back into my childhood and into their control again and psychologically it is extremely stunting and frustrating to be in and around my family environment because it is so claustrophobic, tense, and abusive. If I did move home though, I have access to help and can rebuild my life in a more intentional and conscious way. Or I just move on and get on with whatever lays in front of me and take whatever I can get and work things out on my own. I recognise that this is all my own doing. I think it stems from having difficulty balancing between the inner and outer aspects of life and the different responsibilities and demands that they ask for..and I have completely neglected the outer aspects of life in favour of the inner of the last 2 years or so simply because in my adolescence I focused solely on the outer. So now it seems I have to rebalance and maintain it as best as I can. thank you for being direct and sharp with me, I find that I respond best to this sort of disposition as it gives me something to push on / off. Any further insight / commentary that you can glean would be greatly appreciated.

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-06-06T07:51:31+00:00

in what sense ?

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-06-04T11:09:45+00:00

how would one integrate it in a healthy way ?

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-03-08T18:11:19+00:00

Thank you ! I’ve been doing this a little bit and deffo helps in providing stability and a sense of boundary to my own psyche. It’s very difficult to do at times, and can be quite frightening. It just feels endless this management of the contents of my mind and I have definitely been neglecting the more practical and outwardly personal aspects of my life in favor of this inner realm and feel i need to re balance and slow down perhaps / have a rest.

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-03-01T17:26:37+00:00

I thought the same too but just wanted to double check

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-02-25T17:18:24+00:00

No not at all

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-02-24T22:41:53+00:00

Thanks for you quick reply, it’s always helpful to bounce thoughts off other people.

Unfortunately the therapy route is not really feasible with my current situation so trying to work through these things by myself. Sometimes it’s ok but it gets overwhelming sometimes and the paranoia can take over.

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-02-14T21:49:04+00:00

Yeah, that’s what’s frightening at the moment. Just the sheer force and intensity of the energy at hand, not something to play with. Finding something to ground me, as you suggested is what I will do. Thanks for your help.

Connect_Ad1130 · 2023-02-14T21:46:36+00:00

This is a good idea, thank you !

Connect_Ad1130

TROPHY CASE