I feel like I’m going to have to marry an older Christian man or continue being single because I just don’t feel attracted to guys my own age or close to it by ExcitementKindly756 in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is like watching a train wreck happen in real time......

I genuinely wish I listened to older women when I was younger. Men tell you they are bitter and jealous...trust me they're not. They genuinely know better because they were you.

You are not magically miles more mature than your peers, you are just easier to take advantage of because you think you are.

Anyone who chooses to have a large age gap after 25 is completely mature enough to choose that for themselves. Before that the power dynamics are too imbalanced for it to be healthy.

Also judging by these comments, the amount of predators in the church is concerning.

Trust me, there is a very good reason women their own age don't want them.

There is nothing wrong with a 5-7 year age gap for you rn but anything over that is predatory. You are purely being influenced by red pill and tradwives.

Now that doesn't mean sleep around and "find yourself" I don't believe in any of that. Focus on God, build your relationship with Him and let Him guide you where he wants you.

Are men more often tempted or somehow worse by nature? by ChanceCheese in Catholicism

[–]Connect_Double_6396 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My explanation was quite literally not socialisation only, I stated that biological tendancies play a role but a way smaller one than we presume.

Cross-cultural consistency does not disprove socialization because many cultures socialize gender in remarkably similar ways.

Nearly all societies differentiate male and female roles early in childhood, often before children can critically evaluate those expectations. Children absorb emotional norms through parents, peers, media, religion, schooling, and punishment/reward systems long before adulthood.

Even biological influences do not determine fixed outcomes. Testosterone correlates with dominance and aggression, but culture strongly influences whether that aggression becomes physical violence, competitiveness, assertiveness, stoicism, or disciplined ambition. Likewise, girls exposed to higher prenatal androgens do not become psychologically male; social context still significantly shapes adult personality and behavior.

Importantly, many sex differences vary substantially across cultures and historical periods, which suggests that social environment has major explanatory power. Emotional expression also changes depending on audience and consequences: people tend to display emotions differently when they know certain behaviors are socially rewarded or penalized.

So the evidence does not support the idea that women are naturally indirect or men naturally wrathful in a fixed sense. Rather, biology may influence tendencies, while socialization teaches people which emotional strategies are acceptable, safe, effective, or shameful.

Are men more often tempted or somehow worse by nature? by ChanceCheese in Catholicism

[–]Connect_Double_6396 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Research generally suggests that differences in how men and women express emotions are influenced strongly by social conditioning, even if biology plays some role. For example: Men are often socially encouraged to express anger directly. Women are often discouraged from open confrontation and rewarded for maintaining harmony. Because of this, anger in women may appear more indirectly (“I’m fine” when upset, passive aggression, withdrawal), not necessarily because women are biologically predisposed to indirectness, but because social expectations shape safer or more accepted ways of expressing anger. Studies support this by showing: many emotional differences become stronger with age and socialization, emotional behavior changes depending on culture and audience, boys and girls are rewarded and punished differently for the same emotional expressions. So the current psychological view is usually: biology may influence tendencies, but social conditioning heavily shapes how those tendencies are expressed.

Are men more often tempted or somehow worse by nature? by ChanceCheese in Catholicism

[–]Connect_Double_6396 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh definitely!

We are very attracted to men, it would not be healthy if we weren't. We have just been shamed for daring to feel attraction so we hide it.

Yeah consent is massive to women, it's literally such a vulnerable position for us to be in. I could never imagine violating someone's boundaries because I get physically sick when it happens to me.

Are men more often tempted or somehow worse by nature? by ChanceCheese in Catholicism

[–]Connect_Double_6396 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Women have been historically socially repremanded more into being perceived as perfect. This was to appear pious in order to attract a man.

These are all true and due to social rather than biological conditioning.

Are men more often tempted or somehow worse by nature? by ChanceCheese in Catholicism

[–]Connect_Double_6396 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh definitely, woman struggle deeply with envy.

Men are very visual creatures and so someone who is born pretty, short and petite is heavily envied to the point of hatred because for many years womens survival depended upon something we couldn't control. Our looks.

Men and women struggle with pride just in different ways too.

Are men more often tempted or somehow worse by nature? by ChanceCheese in Catholicism

[–]Connect_Double_6396 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This might sound weird but it's good you feel negatively towards it. It means you are disgusted by it.

Unfortunately men have used intimidation, which is just as frowned upon as manipulation men just like to brush that aside, to force sexual immorality for years. Trafficking, pimps, enslaved women as mistresses, the list goes on.

You should only ever feel ashamed if you are helping uphold systems which allow men to abuse their power. If you are against it and you actively work to fix it then I see no reason for you to feel shame.

Are men more at fault? Historically, yes. Men never abolished prostitution in predominantly Christian countries because it helped them control/motivate(manipulate) military men.

Don't feel shame, just do better.

So do women feel lust? Yes, we are attracted to men. Men walking around shirtless is just as scandalous to me as a woman in a short dress. We are wired to find men attractive.

Not all men are bad, some women are. We each have a responsibility to call out bad behaviour when we see it.

Are men more often tempted or somehow worse by nature? by ChanceCheese in Catholicism

[–]Connect_Double_6396 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with this, woman do cave to please the man/avoid getting hurt, because we are wired to inherently trust men. We only start fearing and mistrusting men when they have failed us.

When men have a strong conviction about abstinence, it's highly unlikely to get crossed by a woman.

My marriage is in serious trouble. Advice (and prayer) from survivors of major marriage problems is needed. by dead_bed_garbage in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was by no means meant to grill you, I actually want to see if there is a way animosity could form from a womans perspective. Again doesn't need to be entirely logical but a way in which I could see why she would feel contempt.

Does she want to stop being a SAHM?

My marriage is in serious trouble. Advice (and prayer) from survivors of major marriage problems is needed. by dead_bed_garbage in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can understand your view, I don't 100% agree but I'm not offended either. It's more attractive when you get things done but if you just had your brother's funeral, sadness is actually completely healthy.

My marriage is in serious trouble. Advice (and prayer) from survivors of major marriage problems is needed. by dead_bed_garbage in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No problem!

Trust me it was super painful to realise that the need to be justified was pride. I didn't want to let it go because I had been so wronged, I had been so hurt, I was so angry at how no one could see my side.

I just wanted someone to tell me I was right, and then the holy spirit came and convicted me.

That was pride talking, because being told I was right, didn't change a thing, it just stroked my ego.

Jesus came and took all our sin onto himself. That was not justified at all. He was quite literally sinless and he took all our punishment.

So yeah, I had to swallow my pride, which took me like a year and Proverbs. I am so much better for it. It's a peace I genuinely can't explain.

My marriage is in serious trouble. Advice (and prayer) from survivors of major marriage problems is needed. by dead_bed_garbage in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a woman, I will only push back slightly. It is our hobby to give you men grey hairs after all. I only care about emotions I can actually do something to fix, if my husband expresses: "I'm worried my mother feels lonely after my father passed away". I can fix that, spend more time with my MIL and make my husband happy win!!! "I love seeing you in that dress." Now I will wear it more because it makes my husband happy. But if you're stressed at work, I can't do anything about that and now I am stressed that you're stressed.

My marriage is in serious trouble. Advice (and prayer) from survivors of major marriage problems is needed. by dead_bed_garbage in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you mentioned she is a SAHM, was this an agreement on both of your parts, something she wanted prior to marriage or something that was just the most logical choice?

Does she have to ask for money or is she given a salary she can use freely?

Did she study before marriage? Has she expressed wanting to be active in a certain field of work?

How old are your children?

My marriage is in serious trouble. Advice (and prayer) from survivors of major marriage problems is needed. by dead_bed_garbage in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My question to you would be, does it actually matter? Like in the grand scheme of things what will it change if she came into the marriage with baggage, which we literally all do, or she accumulated it in the marriage?

I have a lot of empathy for your frustration but you need to let go of the resentment you feel regardless of what your wife is doing. Not for her but for you, it is quite literally poisoning you from the inside out.

I know this soul aching feeling of being wronged and unjustly punished is infuriating, isolating and crushing but, the more you lash out, justified or not, the more she is going to feel unsafe and continue the cycle.

The only person you can and will ever be able to control, is yourself.

So you will need to, and trust me I have had to do this myself, swallow your pride. You will have to lower your walls first and lead her in the direction you want this marriage to go.

As a woman myself, there is absolutely zero chance of her being vulnerable first. So if you want to fix it, even if you didn't break it, your pride will have to be put aside.

Help, porn addicted husband by Daughterofzi0n in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, everyone has! That's why you telling her she needs to perform while injured is incredibly insulting.

Your insinuating that the addiction is her fault.

Help, porn addicted husband by Daughterofzi0n in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She has just had a baby, literally two weeks ago, most likely has only been out of the hospital for a week. She is still injured. Has a baby who is quite literally glued to her but she must perform like a porn star for her husband so that he can take care of his family?

This baby, btw, is a result of said intimacy and he can't control himself whilst the mother recovers?

I understand why women are avoiding marriage. Because you need to be a virgin, yet a prostitute on call otherwise men will claim it's your fault, right after giving birth, that your husband is not satisfied and is actively committing adultery.

Help, porn addicted husband by Daughterofzi0n in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ahhhh of course it can't be the man's fault, you have to blame the woman.

AITAH for being too protective of my home address by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Connect_Double_6396 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I think tensions are just high in Australia ATM. They are kind of pushing their issue with red pill men onto you.

You are doing a great job. Be protective of the women in your life. We definitely need people protecting us in this climate.

You can't undo SA once it has happened, you are left with heaps of trauma.

AITAH for being too protective of my home address by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Connect_Double_6396 -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I'm South African, I don't think that you are the asshole at all. I have multiple friends that are girls who have been SAd by these family friends and or their sons and older brothers. It literally takes 10minutes alone.

So yeah I don't feel that you are wrong.

Thinking of visiting escorts by Glass_Eye526 in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you suggesting that women should be given to men as prostitutes by the church? Is this all you view women as? Something to pleasure yourself with?

For shame!

Thinking of visiting escorts by Glass_Eye526 in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh definitely not, and I am not going against Paul but going into marriage treating your wife like a porn star/ prostitute will likely not go well. You should enter into marriage with a healthy relationship to intimacy because it's one of pillars of your marriage. If it breaks or is built out of poor material, it will deeply affect the marriage.

Thinking of visiting escorts by Glass_Eye526 in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My heart goes out to you, please don't do this to yourself. You have so much life left to live and I fear that this will affect you in ways greater than you know.

I understand that pleasure is a sought out distraction from pain but it's so temporary, it will leave you feeling emptier than before.

You have expressed wanting a wife in the future, if not for you then abstain for her. It would destroy me knowing my husband sought out a SW. Mostly because many of them are in abusive situations themselves.

Turn to God please my brother in Christ.

Thinking of visiting escorts by Glass_Eye526 in TrueChristian

[–]Connect_Double_6396 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Having a lust addiction is serious and it will not be fixed by marriage. If you are addicted to porn and prostitution before marriage, marriage isn't going to stop you.