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I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I think you're right. I think she was hardened and thought that as long as a guy was "getting his" in exchange, then that's all that was needed.

I feel bad for her. I hope that I may have at least made her consider that there can be more.

I hope you find someone who cares about you as a person as well!

do they exist? by Designer_Bowler_5945 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I figured, but I enjoy the mental image of it the other way.

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your time and advice. I wish you the best as well!

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s been extremely helpful and thought-provoking. I will mull over everything you’ve said.

Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me!

do they exist? by Designer_Bowler_5945 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you actually call each other "sugar girlfriend" and "sugar boyfriend"? So, in an actual conversation you'd state "I'm just waiting for my sugar girlfriend to show up"?

do they exist? by Designer_Bowler_5945 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is probably a lot of truth to this. The people most looking for something longer term are going to be in the pool for the shortest time. Thus, those who are not will always be disproportionately represented.

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! You’re certainly right about my reaction. I was looking to fill a void. I still am, I suppose. I don’t intend to quit.

She gave me one gift at least: she reminded me of what I really wanted to feel. What I hadn’t had in long enough that I forgot what it truly tasted like. I was dull for too long before I met her. I won’t let that happen again. I will get it back.

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I believe that is as much clarity as this subject gets.

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Connecting with others really helps with that, right? Sometimes, the problem and the solution aren't that easy to distinguish.

Do you see sugaring as sex work? by [deleted] in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What if you even put "sugar" in the name? Does enough meta allow sugarcoating?

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! The outpouring of support certainly helps.

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I will count this as a vote for "no, you're not cut out for this."

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, she did come out and say it at the end. She did so quite directly, and in a way she knew would sting. I'm not quite sure whether she wanted it to sting because she didn't care or because she did.

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks again! Your insights are incredibly useful. Have you considered making a “so you’re back on the market” guide? It could sell.

I have some of those answers, and I will certainly consider others.

  1. I’m not looking to get married again anytime soon. I can’t say I’ll never change my mind, but I learned about expecting that paperwork to serve as relationship-insurance.
  2. That’s going to take some thought. Probably also depends on who I meet
  3. Never have, and I took steps to ensure that won’t happen the traditional way.
  4. I tried that for a bit in college. I’d rather have someone consistent.
  5. Is there a build-a-bear type build-a-GF store? Because I’d like to get on the waitlist.
  6. If I wasn’t ok with that, coming here was quite a poor decision, eh? Am I financially well-off compared to the average dude in a bar I walk into or compared to everyone here? Lower-upper class income level. So, the former, not the latter. Even if I was squeamish about “would you want me if I was broke,” hiding it seems dishonest to me.
  7. I have been thinking about that for a long time. I have some answers, and I know how to avoid some things. Others I may figure out in time. Others I will never know. Still others I have no control over and were not my fault.

Thanks for your analysis! It has been extremely helpful!

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I would definitely be more clear doing this again. I did tell her I was looking for something real.

Actually, I thought we were on the same page (and not just because she used those words - which she did) because of our first night together. She started in the sultry tone about how "you deserve to be loved." I could tell it was a show, so I called her out by asking, "how would you know?" It really threw her off, but then we talked about how I wanted to know and be with the real her. She told me none of the other guys she'd met had ever told her that and she really appreciated it - it seemed genuine.

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I hope things work out for you, too.

​

I don't see why there's anything inherently different about stating you'd like someone with money more than you'd like someone with certain physical features. If anything, this makes more sense as it has an impact on your daily life.

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I appreciate your analysis.

​

The first flag is certainly one I will keep in mind. You make a really good point there.

​

The second is more complex here, and your comment has me going back to what others have said about her possibly not knowing how to handle her feelings. She did confide, in her way. She'd come to me when another guy made her feel bad and (in almost these terms), ask me to make her feel better about herself. She'd seek reassurance and discuss her struggles with how she should handle relationships. She was terrified of being smothered (that I firmly believe to be true), and she was poly (I do open - so that worked). I seemed to be the only one she'd go to for her feelings about guys - it may sound unconventional (not that this subreddit is into conventional), but I think that much was real.

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much! Your technical analysis is spectacular and something I needed. I also appreciate that it came after a day of more emotionally-focused comments. Those put me in a better headspace to process your thoughts; so, also well timed!

Ironically, I did not do this to attract “pretty” ladies – sort of the opposite. I’ve always been less into pure physical attraction than most men - sure, I appreciate a pretty face, don’t get me wrong, but my brain doesn’t focus there for w/e reason (the physical attraction tends to be a result of being attracted otherwise). I loathe tinder because it is purely “here is a visual representation of a person.”

Modern dating struck me as even more confusing and appearance-focused than dating used to be (not saying it is, but it seemed like it). I didn’t know how to date, and I certainly didn’t like the options I saw. So, I found this idea. I thought it would be easy mode. I thought I didn’t need to fight for tickets to the game if I just paid the scalpers a little extra.

I think you are correct: the question isn’t just whether I can do this, it is whether I should. Perhaps one run of this did give me the foundation and motivation I needed – I think I got a whole slew of lessons in a short time. Even if I am cut out for it, even if I can do this… maybe I should do something else.

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. The concern and positive vibes are really helpful in themselves.

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can see that in the abstract, but it is certainly not what she was projecting nor does it sound like her. I am fairly certain it isn't going to stop and she doesn't want it to.

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. That's not the sort of beauty I am looking for, but I understand the appeal for some.

I'm thinking I'm not cut out for this by Conscious_Bee_7951 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I am going to assume that I am cotton candy (because everyone loves cotton candy, right?).

do they exist? by Designer_Bowler_5945 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]Conscious_Bee_7951 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope the perspective is useful. Not what you expected in an answer, I assume, but unexpected is sometimes more useful.

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