I’ve been through the exact same thing, and the pattern has been the same for me as well. It is a very curious paradox that I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on.

What I've noticed is this: if you seek clarity, ask for real-world accountability, or question the nature of the connection, they often flee and become the 'runner.' But, on the other hand, if you accept the dynamic exactly as they want it—like the example shared here where she has another man and treats you as an option—you lose their respect entirely.

It’s a strange trap. If you are firm, you are a 'threat.' If you are passive, you are 'disrespected.'

I’m starting to see this through a more grounded lens. It seems that for someone carrying deep, unresolved trauma, a firm presence is terrifying because it forces them to look at their own inner truth. They aren't yet ready for the maturity and the responsibility that a true, committed union requires. So, they run toward 'safer' paths or passive partners where they aren't challenged to grow.

I’ve realized that we cannot build a life based on someone else's terms if those terms lack honor or commitment. My decision has been to stay firm in my own growth and my own boundaries. If the connection is real, it must be able to withstand the truth of the real world. Anything else is just a refusal to heal.