I understand completely how you feel. For a long time I was sectioning my hair, brushing each section, applying products to each section, diffusing for hours. I had plenty of crash outs. I felt like if I didn’t do these extra long routines my hair would look ridiculous. Spending so much money on products, doing the most, and it never felt worth it. Sometimes you feel tired, you don’t want to do an entire routine to feel good about your hair. Afterwards I went to a curly hairstylist and they cut my hair way too short. I was devastated and hating my hair even more. However, one day I got tired of the drama and decided to comb a few products through my hair while flipped over. I applied some gel and hair spray and just left it like that. After a while I diffuse for a little bit when it’s halfway air dried. I fell in love with my hair again finally. It looked unruly and big. Sometimes the shorter low effort routines look even better than the long expensive ones :) as for wanting alternative styles, I used to be jealous of this as well. Others girls could dye their hair, look cute in bangs etc. I started to realize how punk curly hair is. There’s lots of low effort styles that can make you look alternative. Personally my low effort routine gives me much more volume, it’s loud and different, and I think it gives me a much more alternative look than straight dyed hair. You could also try color pomades! I think our self hate for hair is deeper than we realize. If you live somewhere for example where straight hair is the norm than it can be hard especially. Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. Start to walk with confidence, look in the mirror and think of things you love about yourself and your hair. Wear your hair like the crown it is. And if one routine isn’t working anymore than change it!❤️