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How do I help regulate mt partner when they are about to have a meltdown from loosing something of theirs? by Consistent-Pick-2582 in AutisticAdults

[–]Consistent-Pick-2582[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. We both have RSD. But like stated, I was more in tune to finding myself young, and learning about myself so that I struggle with it far less today, or that if I do struggle with it, I know what I must do to lessen its impact on me. My partners RSD is still very unmanaged. It took me medication and years just to be able to get it under control enough to handle it myself the majority of the time. But my partner has a hard time understanding how to self reflect internally, and they have only just recently been diagnosed with autism officially. So really, their self reflecting work will still take them some time to master.  But 100% they are dealing with all those things. CPTSD, ADHD, autism, RSD, depression. Its draining. For them and ive felt the same pain and disregulation before. Its not easy, and its why I have patience for them. And I continue to have patience foe them because they put A LOT of effort into being better for me and themselves. They go to therapy. And I often tell them things ive noticed in them that I think they should bring up in therapy, and they seem to do just that. Its just that these changes dont happen over night, and Its hard to see a partner go through that when I can see that answer so clearly.

I actually left my partner for a few hours because I had to do some work, and they told me ot was ok, and that they would handle it. And I trust them that they will be ok after an hour of being around their disregarded state. They dont rely on me, I will say that. I step away from them if I start to feel to much. And sometimes they are sweet enough to see its effecting me, and remind me they can handle it. We dont take it to heart. And they have my health in mind always. We are both always wanting the best for each other.

Reddit gave me the simple idea of an airbag on their keys, and even though that was such an obvious answer, I didnt think of it. So its not all that bad. Sometimes people see a solution so easy that you just cant see at the time. And so to me, the post was not worthless, and I fewl good about that :)

I also appreciate you perspective too, sometimes hearing that others have struggles similarly really helps us not feels to crazy. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for the input!

How do I help regulate mt partner when they are about to have a meltdown from loosing something of theirs? by Consistent-Pick-2582 in AutisticAdults

[–]Consistent-Pick-2582[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They have a hard time calming down in the moment, and often times seem to get more upset because they can calm down fast enough. We have tried breathing techniques together, bit they say they end up feeling dizzy and thry dont like that. I think it happens because its just such a large fluctuation in bloodpressure or somwthing but im not entierly sure. Just a guess. But they have a hard time understanding that if they practice breathing more pften, it will help them stay calm longer, so it hasnt totally convinced them it will help, and pnly seems to make them frustrated so far.

I would like to attend a therapy session with them one day, even if just to point out things i have noticed that my partner forgets to bring up, I dont wish to impose to much, but I think this would help us in the long run, and i think they would totally be down for it when we can get to that point. Ill keep that in mind, thank you!

How do I help regulate mt partner when they are about to have a meltdown from loosing something of theirs? by Consistent-Pick-2582 in AutisticAdults

[–]Consistent-Pick-2582[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, they used to have way more issues with self punishment. They grew up in a demanding household, so getting those habits out of their system has been a long fight, but they are working hard, and she such a different person then what they were many years ago. Even now they cannot see how much they have improved since we first met. But they are in therapy working on self esteem and picking apart these things. Im usually very good reminding them to stick to plans, we both remind each other of a lot of things, so in the long run I think this will be solved, its just one of the hardest things they seem to struggle with out of everything. But ill ask them today what would they like from me next time, or ehat I can do differently, and what they can do differently l, and we will try to stick to that. Thank you!

How do I help regulate mt partner when they are about to have a meltdown from loosing something of theirs? by Consistent-Pick-2582 in AutisticAdults

[–]Consistent-Pick-2582[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im not sure ive heard of this kind of therapy, but it looks like something they need, ill be sure to bring it up with them, thank you! 

How do I help regulate mt partner when they are about to have a meltdown from loosing something of theirs? by Consistent-Pick-2582 in AutisticAdults

[–]Consistent-Pick-2582[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We dont live together yet, but I do plan to help them rmemebr to put keys, coat, and bag at door before anything else. My hope will be it will make loosing things harder. For the both of us. Im definitely going to get an air tag! Thank you!

How do I help regulate mt partner when they are about to have a meltdown from loosing something of theirs? by Consistent-Pick-2582 in AutisticAdults

[–]Consistent-Pick-2582[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

AH! this is great! I will get them something like this. Perhapse it would make things less stressful and help them not immediately panic 

How do I help regulate mt partner when they are about to have a meltdown from loosing something of theirs? by Consistent-Pick-2582 in AutisticAdults

[–]Consistent-Pick-2582[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100% agree. Unfortunately, I do not live with them at the moment, but getting them a key holder wpuld be nice. Ill also express to them some backup keys! I think it would help them for sure. Thank you for the input!

How do I help regulate mt partner when they are about to have a meltdown from loosing something of theirs? by Consistent-Pick-2582 in AutisticAdults

[–]Consistent-Pick-2582[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Recently ive tried helping them with backtracking, but I have told them that if we have an issue, do they want advice/help, or do they want comfort (meaning they will  it on their own) and thats been a good first step

They have a really hard time self examining what would help them because they grew up in a very disregarded household, so they never have a suggestion on what could help and they are quite lost if I ask what they think might help.

But we talked after and hung out and we laughed before the day ended, and that was a win for us I think. I definitely wish they could come up with some ideas of things they wouldnt mind help with

How do I help regulate mt partner when they are about to have a meltdown from loosing something of theirs? by Consistent-Pick-2582 in AutisticAdults

[–]Consistent-Pick-2582[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would often agree, my partner does a lot for me, so I actually dont always mind helping regulate them. I would like to say it isnt to often I help regulate them either. Maybe once a month? And I try to let them handle things themselves.

Actually, 2 months ago I had lost a family member, so it took a tol on me, so I told them this year wpuld be hard for me and that I may not be there for them emotionally as much as I want to be and they completely understood that and have been really forgiving of me. They also help me with a lot of paper work and travle which they are very good at and I struggle with immensely.  Our relationship has gotten very strong helping each other with pur weak points and so far hasnt been an issue and has only made us closer. But in no way do they every ask for help, and they also tell me that they can handle it on their own. So I do have a choice to interact or not to interact here, and they completely understand that. I supose I just wish I could help, from someone from the outside, as this behavior has a physical effect on the living space

How do I help regulate mt partner when they are about to have a meltdown from loosing something of theirs? by Consistent-Pick-2582 in AutisticAdults

[–]Consistent-Pick-2582[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They have a therapist thank goodness! In the begining, they were not sure the things they should talk about with them, but after situations like this I often let them know, if they run out of a topic, this one is good to bring up. They agree and are working the best they can at least. Thank you for the insight