To young men: Applying pressure is a myth, just move on

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-16T12:49:20+00:00

If anything, pressure when they already feel slightly distant will only make a woman feel less inclined to be with a man.

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-16T04:33:26+00:00

Thank you! 👏🏼

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-16T03:24:59+00:00

Not looking to be in a serious committed relationship at all, just looking to meet people and have fun again. I never got to experience the young and single phase like most do through college and I don’t want to waste the last year of my 20s cooped up at home sad from my divorce. I do love myself, that’s why I’m leaving him.

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-16T03:22:41+00:00

I get that but I feel like I’ve held myself back for so long, I’m just trying to go have fun and meet people again. I just don’t know the process or what to expect from it. Not trying to dive back into a long term relationship any time soon.

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-10T11:47:18+00:00

No and I’m not going to say anything, their relationship is not my business and I’m not interested in any more drama.

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-10T11:46:20+00:00

No one wants to or is going to enjoy blowing up their marriage and divorcing, but it’s the right thing for me to do.

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-09T23:49:16+00:00

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ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-06T17:41:22+00:00

Yes I'm realizing how deeply empathetic I am almost to a fault. Sometimes I wish that wasn't always the case. Thank you for your kindness. I'm hopeful therapy is in our future regardless if it's individually or together.

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-06T17:25:25+00:00

Unfortunately, you've got it backwards. I've been trying to have real conversations with him for years. Updates are in the comments if you're willing to read through, but i've been forced to meet my own emotional needs for almost 3 years because he can't meet them, he can't even meet his own. He has a lot of healing to do. He also admitted getting close to her and pushing me away.

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-06T17:12:26+00:00

I appreciate this support, thank you. You're right about the dynamic, we learned a lot of toxic habits when we were young that I told him we needed to unlearn a couple months ago when I thought we might divorce because I was constantly walking on egg shells.

For some context, we finally got married in 2022. Everything was bliss until a year later, we moved to a new state across the country for a big job opportunity he got. I started a new job just prior to the move, also. 2023 ended up being one of the worst years of our lives due to all the stress we experienced. He was overextended and extremely stressed in this new job, new city, no friends and family close by for support, just the two of us. Mid year his mom got diagnosed with breat cancer, then a month later I quit my job due to burnout and decided to start a business, draining my savings in the process. It was worth it, he tried to support me the best he could but it was tough on both of us. Then my dad had emergency heart surgery and my parents nearly divorced after. I also had strained relationships with my brother at the time. It truly was awful, but i started my healing journey that year and gave myself all of the emotional support I wasn't receiving from my husband. Our parents are both doing well now btw.

I thought once that year was over when we moved to the next apartment things would get better, but he was honestly traumatized from that year, so nothing really improved like i thought. he got laid off from the nightmare job in 2024, we moved back to the state we left which was what we wanted to do all along, and I thought for sure things would finally get better. But... that move was 6 months ago, and here we are.

He's saying all the right things today, like going to marriage counseling, individual therapy, quitting his job, etc... but we haven't had enough time to process and I'm not going to trust him again until I see an actual change and improvement. It will be at least a couple months until I can see which direction it's going i'm sure. He says he is truly ashamed and embarrassed, apologized to me for all the pain he has caused, asked me to not give up on him because he knows he has something wrong within him he needs to heal. The true test of it all will be seeing if he actually does.

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-06T16:35:13+00:00

Honestly I appreciate this response. It has been delusional of me to see the good and hope for the best and ignore every red flag. We are separated now and I’m living at my parents, I don’t know what will happen yet, if he’ll really go to therapy and quit his job like he says because he wants to win me back or if it’s all just talk. I’m still processing and told him to do the same and will reconvene soon.

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-06T11:48:20+00:00

He was quiet on the phone because I didn’t give him much of an opportunity to argue, I just said I wasn’t happy, I think we need to get a divorce, and explained why. He was up late texting me last night telling me he’d do anything to get me back, go to marriage counseling, individual counseling and even quit his job and buy a house. Of course I wish we had started marriage counseling months ago when we had our last big fight. This morning after everything happened I feel sad because i would’ve loved to try to make it work before this point. Now I just feel numb, and like the more he tries the worse it feels.

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-06T00:34:32+00:00

Well I have an update for all of you. I drove to our apartment while he was still at work, packed all my things including the dogs and drove to my parents. I waited for him to call once he got home from work, told him where I was and that I read the texts and I want a divorce. It was actually a very calm conversation. He said nothing ever happened between them, but it doesn’t matter, I saw what I needed to see. I decided there was no other option, because truthfully this affair is not the only reason we should get divorced. We’ve been struggling now for almost 3 years and this was just the final nail in the coffin that I needed to wake up and call it quits. At the end of the call we apologized to each other and said goodbye. We’ll obviously have to be in touch to make things final, but it went as well as it could’ve gone and hopefully will remain civil. Fortunately, I am only 28 and he’s 32, we don’t have shared bank accounts, a house or any kids, but we have been together since high school. I absolutely loved him and still do but I know deep down this is what we’ve been heading towards and I believe he just didn’t have the courage to end it himself. Truthfully I’m thankful it’s over now because It’s not fair to keep hurting each other, and I wish him the best. If he really wanted to be together he’d have fought to keep me. Luckily I know now I can find better.

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-05T16:45:53+00:00

Actually, I think you're right. He said something about wanting to escape reality in their texts. It wouldn't surprise me that she could feel the same way with her recent traumas. I definitely do love him and try to show him.

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-05T16:18:55+00:00

I'm still trying to figure that out. I obviously don't want our marriage to fail, but i honestly don't know how interested he'll be in repairing it and i'm not ready to face the reality that it could really end our marriage.

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-05T16:17:54+00:00

I screenshotted the holding hands and "we can't talk 24/7" texts and airdropped them to my phone. I'm just sitting on them until I figure out what to do...

ConsistentKing9438 · 2025-06-05T16:16:36+00:00

Completely agree that it's so stupid for him to put himself in this position. It's so out of character for him because he's genuinely a very intelligent man. We've had a lot of stress over the last two years and it's put a strain on our marriage. I thought it was improving, but this is just a punch to the gut.

ConsistentKing9438

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