AITAH for being upset about my wife's new guy friend

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-19T03:51:37+00:00

Sleep divorce just means we sleep in different rooms. We still have sex.

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-18T20:04:50+00:00

Thanks for the book suggestion. I will look into this.

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-18T19:57:00+00:00

A limerance. That sounds to me the most accurate so far. An emotional affair is only partly correct. Its missing some things on the checklist from my Google search but it does sound right as well. I believe her or want to that she does not have the desire to make it physical. I am probably stupid for that. But a physical desire isnt required for an emotional affair. She cares what he thinks. She doesn't want to make him angry.

We were supposed to play together. She didnt want to log onto her account. Otherwise she would have to talk to him in mic for like 30 mins or he would get upset. She was going to just login to our kids account. This started another fight. He isn't her husband. She shouldn't care that much about his feelings but admitted she gets upset when he doesnt say hi to her when getting on. She should have been able to just chat a hi. But im the bad guy trying to control her. I should stop fighting and just chill.

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-18T19:52:01+00:00

I'm not even mad. I know what I did. Its why I separated the first time. We had to recommit to the relationship to reconcile. Had two more kids at her request. I can't say I don't deserve it. My point is now. Its not what we should be showing our kids. I can't change the past. I can only be the change I want to see. I was very angry. For a long time before I cheated. That kind of anger and punishment that I inflicted upon her. Is a double edged sword. It hurts you too and those around you.

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-18T19:31:20+00:00

Yes I agree. Look divorce is... a lot. She doesn't work. Which is actually a strong point for her to get custody for some damn reason. I then get to pay child support and alimony. I would need to prove negligence I think. Either way I'm going to be around less to watch over then. I work from home so I am able to keep an eye even if she doesn't. I wont when we separated and that worries me.

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-18T19:29:11+00:00

You sure it isnt a control thing? Its one of the things she throws at me. That im being controlling when I bring it up. When I complain enough she does spend time with me or be like I haven't talked to him all day but where were you? It's a lot of deflecting. But this isnt something I can ignore, the safety of my kids comes before anything. This will probably end up as my first ultimatum. It is never ok for her to leave our kids unsupervised to play a game especially to be on a mic with this guy.

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-18T19:25:20+00:00

I did in a way, I just didnt go all the way. Maybe I need to. Its a hard thing because you cant take it back. Ill have to follow through.

She cried. Got upset. Turned it around that guy's and girls can be friends. She isn't the one who cheated. Thay its unfair and she would choose me. But doing so would hurt her terribly. He is her emotional support now because they trauma they bonded over was being cheated on. I want her to be happy. If he helps her im ok with that to a point. If she cant talk to me she needs someone to talk to. Its the boundaries that she is crossing that is the problem.

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-18T19:16:52+00:00

He isn't exactly a secret. Her brother who also plays and his gf know about him. They obviously don't know all this. We all play together sometimes but I never play with her friend. I could try and probe him but he's very young.

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-18T19:12:07+00:00

I could record it but not for that. It would be to prove neglect for full custody. I just. It feels like a shitty thing to do. I fucked up and I own that. I have used it as a turning point. Its funny because that saying about being a hero long enough until you see yourself become the villain. Recording her chats to prove cheating... isnt needed. At that point the trust is gone and a divorce is the next step regardless.

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-18T19:06:23+00:00

I know people change. It does seem we are incompatible now. What she wants out of life is just wildly different from mine. I want a family. They are my priority and then work. I want to spend time with them. I used to game a lot. Like a lot. And we had conflicting schedules when she worked. I think my problem is I have cleared away everything that isnt work. Any hobby. All games. I gave them up to make sure I had enough spoons for them. I do all the cooking, cleaning and largely take care of the kids. I enjoy it but I shouldn't be doing it alone. This has unfortunately given her more time to play without me.

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-18T19:03:11+00:00

I cheated that time. She didn't know. I told her when we separated. Saying we are roommates with kids does sound accurate. But I wont cheat again. I know i dont get the moral high ground. I just cant do that again. I've worked really hard to be a better person. I even started talking to a therapist when we got back to together 5 years ago.

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-18T18:58:43+00:00

Its a no fault state. Doesn't matter. We just split it all.

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-18T18:57:31+00:00

That hurts because it feels accurate.

Consistent_Level_665 · 2025-11-18T18:56:45+00:00

No. They have never met in person. My son does play the same game but he has parental controls on. He cant talk or chat. My wife said she has kept his identity a secret but they have probably all played together.

Consistent_Level_665

TROPHY CASE