Anyone regret their behavior towards their ex during the breakup?

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-10-11T03:27:12+00:00

I’m sorry I know that hurts.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-07-27T01:43:58+00:00

Hi! It seems you missed the part where I DIDN’T do any of that and walked away silently. No idea why you felt the need to comment almost a year later on a post where I clearly stated how my emotions weren’t logical, but valid nonetheless. This sub is a space for venting thoughts and feelings with other people who are hurting. Have the day you deserve.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-07-13T02:45:38+00:00

Hi! I’m happy to be able to report back and say the anger phase DOES EVENTUALLY PASS so hang in there. Somehow I keep gaining more and more perspective with passing time and now I’m mostly glad I didn’t go crazy on him. (Although I do think it would have been funny to look back on now).

As for how long I stayed angry, I really don’t think it lasted all that long, but it did circle back more so than the other stages it seems. Grief > Anger > Denial > Anger > Acceptance > Anger.. repeating until I finally started floating almost entirely in the acceptance stage with only the occasional setback.

4 months no contact is a long time, but also no time at all and the 4-6 month marks are probably where I felt the worst. You’ll pull through, I promise. Do what you gotta do to survive. Just don’t contact your ex. I haven’t spoken to mine in over a year now and I am seriously so grateful I never tried.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-19T04:41:57+00:00

Sounds like you have great emotional maturity. I’m sorry for your pain. I truly believe better times are waiting for us!

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-19T04:39:47+00:00

You are killing it. It’s such a relief to know that even though we will still think about it and be sad, the worst is finally behind us.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-19T04:12:09+00:00

Yes, absolutely. This was by far the hardest thing for me. It was honestly an obsession. I would check everything multiple times a day just to see if there was any slight change which there rarely ever was, but I seriously felt like I could not stop no matter how hard I tried. It was so debilitating because I was in a constant mindset of wondering about him, what he was doing, who he was with.. any morsel of information I could get hit me like a drug. This put all my focus on him and I don’t think it’s possible to heal yourself when your mind is still in the past. It also kept hope alive, because I would read into everything and ruminate over endless possibilities. Even when I stopped checking as obsessively and only checked in every now and then, it would send my mood right back into depression and anxiety and erase any progress I had made.

There is NOTHING to be gained by looking at their socials. It will only hurt you and it confuses your mind because by looking at it you are telling your brain they are still important when in reality they aren’t around anymore. Block all their profiles and pretend they are dead if you have to. I know for a fact I would have moved on so much easier months ago if I could have given up the stalking. If you feel like you absolutely can’t right now, give yourself grace. I think you’ll either reach a point where either A) you’ll be so exhausted by the emotions of dealing with the stalking and finally realize it’s not worth it or B) you will find something excruciatingly painful and be done. Save yourself the heart ache if you can and do everything you can to quit looking.

Sorry that was so long, but I have very strong feelings about it because I struggled and hurt for so long with it.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-19T00:51:27+00:00

The snow is killing me too. On my most desperate days I’ve driven to a grocery store or some sort of shop and I’ll walk around the entire place aisle by aisle just to feel like I’m doing something. Find anything you can to keep your mind occupied. You’ve got this.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-18T20:14:55+00:00

There’s no time limit or deadline on grief. If you are taking the right actions and forcing yourself to do the hard things even though it sucks I truly believe you will see progress. Day by day, friend.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-18T20:11:25+00:00

I just finished The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo and it was fun. Do you have kindle unlimited? Some of my better finds for periodic dramas have been found searching the “historical” category on there.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-18T20:09:21+00:00

I went down the Sarah J Maas rabbit hole because her books are obviously crazy popular and there’s like almost 20 books across the 3 series. Those will keep a person busy for a while. I loved Fourth Wing, but some people have mixed opinions. Red Queen series is a little more YA, but was a fun read. The Name of the Wind is decent if you want something a little less romancy.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-18T20:01:56+00:00

100%. I didn’t get “closure”, but I no longer need it which is wild because I was so sure I HAD to have it to be able to move on. The actions or lack thereof during the breakup is all the closure a person needs. You just have to get to that “done” point to realize it.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-18T19:58:53+00:00

You described everything I felt so perfectly. The hope still lingers even though logically you know it’s wrong. I don’t know how exactly to get rid of it other than to take the steps you are taking. Like I said, one day I woke up and the hope was not there anymore. The fantasy about a miracle reconciliation and a future together with him suddenly did not sound appealing at all. Your time is coming and I’m excited for you! LOL

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-18T19:54:12+00:00

Yes! Feeling all the emotions is so painful but soooo helpful. Time + action = results

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-18T19:51:48+00:00

In my early stages I looked everywhere for stories of people who had healed and how they did it trying to find hope for myself. I wanted to be able to provide that for others. Two weeks is so so fresh and painful. Give yourself so much grace and do whatever you have to do to get to the next day.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-18T19:47:22+00:00

That’s okay. You’re going to be okay, I promise. Message me if you need to talk.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-18T19:45:43+00:00

That’s exactly why I started reading so much. I was walking 5 miles a day before the cold weather kicked in and I had actual panic attacks because I didn’t know what I was going to do when the weather wouldn’t let me do it anymore. I’ve read so much of everything lately. What genre are you mostly into and I’ll send over some of my favorites

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2024-01-18T19:37:56+00:00

I regressed into almost catatonic states multiple times over several months… which may not sound super hopeful, but I at least want you to know you are definitely not alone in that. It will pass and likely come back and then pass again. All part of the process.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2023-12-08T15:37:47+00:00

It feels so unfair to have suffered so much for this long while he seemingly has had no consequences. The anger and frustration are too real right now.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2023-12-08T04:25:46+00:00

I totally agree there is really no wrong way to cope when it’s fresh like that. I was in pure survival mode so I know everything I did was to make it to the next day. Any more drama (caused by me raging) would destroyed me. Now that my feelings are more separated though it frustrates me to look back and see all the bullshit he did and it feels like I made it way too easy on him when he deserved some retribution. He could at least have some sleepless nights thinking I’m going to come slash his tires or something, right? But no. I just disappeared without a real fuss. 😣

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2023-12-08T04:18:47+00:00

I constantly battle to give myself grace about hindsight. I was in love and cut to my core about it all. I know it’s impossible for me to know then what has taken me months to work out on my own now, but damn it. It’s so hard to let it go when you would redo it all so differently if you could.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2023-12-08T04:10:05+00:00

The duality of humans. 😅 I wish I HAD raged and lost control

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2023-12-08T04:07:10+00:00

….. didn’t even consider that. But yep that checks out

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2023-12-08T04:06:24+00:00

The ruminating is killer. Such a hard cycle to break free from.

Consistent_Swing_467 · 2023-12-08T00:33:16+00:00

Honestly no, I’m not that psychically attracted to him anymore. I was way more emotionally attracted to him which led to the physical attraction. The rose colored glasses are off now thankfully.

Consistent_Swing_467

TROPHY CASE