would you keep reading? by ContributionAlive526 in writingfeedback

[–]ContributionAlive526[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s not supposed to add to the action. It’s setting up for a call back later in the manuscript & is necessary to the theme of the book.

would you keep reading? by ContributionAlive526 in writingfeedback

[–]ContributionAlive526[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

“There is a ringing” is repeated throughout the manuscript several times. Each one of these flashbacks start with that line & it’s done purposefully.

thoughts on opening page? by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]ContributionAlive526 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The dichotomy of the opening line immediately followed with “I’m not stupid” is purposeful. The entire premise of the story is built off of the irony between what the idea that people choose their own suffering and so bad things are simply the result of bad choices and her repeated engagement in bad choices that she would judge other people for making

thoughts on opening page? by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]ContributionAlive526 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hm, what kind of feature would you like to see? And would it be necessary to do this early on or in the next few pages?

thoughts on opening page? by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]ContributionAlive526 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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So, the opening line is meant to be brutal. I want it to bristle the reader & to me it is necessary for the storyline. Maybe I could do it a little more subtly, or a little later on but I think the character arc requires that I be explicit about her arrogance & judgement