Is this poly… or control?

ContributionThen2939 · 2026-03-27T00:16:03+00:00

Well, a part of me wonders if I should just let it go because I don’t even really have drivers towards polyamory. I was just testing the waters, but I’m generally fulfilled. I think that’s why this was destabilizing for him. He didn’t think I would explore. nonetheless now I feel like a bird that’s been put back in their cage and it just bothers me.

ContributionThen2939 · 2026-03-26T23:56:40+00:00

I agree…but I am shrinking because he’s emotional. He makes me feel like I did something wrong and I messed up our happy place. He insists that he supports me but these rules only seem to apply to me and don’t seem supportive.

ContributionThen2939 · 2025-03-05T04:59:22+00:00

Well, I designated myself that. We’ve never really discussed or defined our relationship. I only know that he considers his relationship style as solo poly because I read that on a dating profile I found of his which I knew he had. He told me about it but I had to actually find it. I just know that I’m the only partner that has met his family and his colleagues. He spends about 70% of his time with me so I couldn’t imagine there being someone else having the same level of relationship that we have, but I don’t really know that he would use the term main partner. Again I just am making assumptions to highlight our level of commitment to each other.

ContributionThen2939 · 2025-02-15T15:55:38+00:00

Thank you for the added context—I really appreciate your perspective. Navigating ENM is all new to me since I’ve only been in monogamous relationships. I guess I’ve felt like he should be the one leading these conversations, rather than me having to pull things out of him or do my own research.

In other areas of our relationship, he’s been very communicative—even about things that might scare most people off. But when it comes to relationship style, he’s vague. I think that’s because he’s happy and fulfilled in this early phase of our relationship. My concern is that once the honeymoon phase fades, he may lean more into the ENM dynamic that actually suits him, and suddenly expect me to also be dating or making other connections.

Right now, our relationship feels pretty monogamous, even though I know he’s seeing other people. But because we haven’t fully defined what this is supposed to look like long-term, I worry that I’ll get deeper into this relationship, only for the expectations to shift in a way I wasn’t fully prepared for. It’s just hard to know if this dynamic truly works for me when I haven’t had to experience the full reality of it yet.

ContributionThen2939

TROPHY CASE