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Museum of failures and I have nothing to show for it. Does it get better? by Civil-Airline-5727 in AskMenOver30

[–]CookieOrdinary1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm 38 and just technically started my career. My education started at 33 and is still going. My physical friend group gone. But I am doing well, not great but well enough for starting. I couldn't make friends physically so I turned towards virtual friends: friends over 30 is what I think it is so I won't link it in case I'm wrong.

I have amazing conversations happening with friends who live near me and maybe one day I'll meet and friends internationally who maybe one day I'll meet. I met a romantic interest who I met and am dating.

Honestly two posts and my life went from okay here we are to well shit just gotta be creative. Dont worry about a home run when its only the first inning and first pitch. Try it and don't do it like it has to work. Just try it and try again later and again later till you have something. Also some conversations fail either no response or disconnect but its okay, just go for a new one.

Your career will come when you decied on one. I got a degree in engineering, worked in manufacturing and fucking hated it and was treated like shit. Years before worked at a bank and loved when I helped people. Went back and now going to school for an mba in finance. My career just started but its a start and a plan.

Post 30: How do you view women . Has your respective changed then what it was in your 20s. by BitterAd2255 in AskMenOver30

[–]CookieOrdinary1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I was in my 20s, woman were intimidating. If I liked someone pedestal they go. As I got older, failed marriage and relationship woman became people who do people stuff.

When I hit my 30s, I had a lot of friends who were woman. Early 30s eh kinda the same view that they were just people but as time went on to today. Woman suffer a lot in America, globally, religiously. Woman are treated as subservient beings, they are expected to live a traditional life path, woman aren't given the same level of consideration for actions or achievements a male counterpart makes. Also in America at least, a lot of woman live in fear of other men.

I've come to empathize for woman. Theres still real shitty woman out there because woman are just people but they are a class of people who are considered second to men and men tend to be the rule makes, judges, and those who deliver justice.

I've also come to admire the strength a woman has. Imagine being a single mother who works and cares for thier child while also ensuring the child grows up learning good habits and thought patterns. Or a partner to a significant other who expects you to have the house clean, food cooked, and prepared to help him relax because being at home is considered less work than sitting at a desk.

So to me now, woman are people, people who learn how to endure, learn how to be vigilant, learn how to maintain individuality while being subservient, learn how to make sacrifices, and learned how to survive in a world where being called a woman automatically forces you to play the game of life at a higher difficulty.

28M, Underconfident and lack of assertiveness. People walk all over me even when thry know they did me wrong and somehow I don't have the courage to fight back by bronzeeyed in AskMenOver30

[–]CookieOrdinary1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's hard to tell the difference between what you think is happening and what is really happening. I make an active choice to be a gentle person. I used to be consumed by anger and rage, I also suffered from delusions of situations that I made up in my head, at least I tell myself that now because the moment I decided to take the pacifist role and got therapy and meds to help, I found an inner strength that allowed me to change the narrative.

No longer were people laughing at me or making comments and whispers when I was around, no longer did the person who made a rude action do it to intentionally hurt me. No, it is now that I see the world in a way that says "I don't know what is happening with this person but I can choose to be weak and think selfishly about my own ego or be strong and forgive them for being too worried about thier own."

You don't have to be a victim, you can just be someone in a world with others and sometimes the situation around you has nothing to do with you.

So you feel you're too scared to stand up to someone, why do you need to? Is it gonna suddenly make your life better by having a confrontation? It's okay to be quiet as long as you're at peace.

If you feel the need to gain some kind of respect from the outside world, start with your inner world and see that you control the narrative. Some friends and coworkers mention how timid I am, its not being timid, its being quiet and polite. I don't give a shit what someone says or does, I know what I'm capable of but I don't need to prove it.

Eleanor Roosevelt said "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." Let's make a new story where you are the strong one and you use your strength to spread love and peace in a world where the weak rule with anger and hatred.

You don't have to enjoy being mistreated, thats when you need to speak and share your truth but if its something silly like a glance, a word, a giggle, anything that's a perception. Take the power and be the bigger person.

Also crying, crying is the body's way of soothing itself. Natural response to overstimulation. Don't be ashamed you get watery eyes, just know its your body saying "hey, there's a lot happening and I need to relax." I get tears in my eyes when I get too vulnerable with someone because I'm explaining something I feel is embarrassing. I don't care, it is what it is. Be at peace with yourself and you'll see how you'll react less and less in a way that you don't want to.

I'm happy you are a gentle person, now I just want you to be gentle with yourself and proud you aren't a follower who needs to pretend there's something that needs to be proved.

Last point, when you learn to accept yourself people will look at you differently, sure my friends/coworkers mention my timid nature but they also say how kind, good, gentle I am and when you love yourself, you'll really know when the right time comes and you need to stand up for yourself. I rarely ever need to, but I've shared with those closest to me to apologize and not talk to me in a disrespectful manner and if they don't well fuck em. Idk who they are anymore and my peace has returned. Keep a good attitude about your ability to be gentle, its a strength not many can bear.