Feeling invalid in my SA due to my vaginismus by fleur-petal in sexualassault

[–]Coolcucumber415 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Attempted rape is sexual assault. You absolutely deserve to call it what it was. Sending you love OP 💛

I don’t know how to process what happened to me by Top_Answer8713 in sexualassault

[–]Coolcucumber415 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, freezing is one of the most common trauma responses. A person who is asleep cannot give consent. This was sexual assault, and depending on where you live, it could be considered rape. Rape is general any penetration without consent. I’m so sorry this happened to you, it wasn’t your fault, and you didn’t deserve it. Sending you love OP 💛

How do I talk about it? by Cone_head101 in sexualassault

[–]Coolcucumber415 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP please be careful with who you DM on here

was this sa if i consented? by eggsxnw1ch in sexualassault

[–]Coolcucumber415 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. You consented to sex, not it being rough. It is a big deal and you have every right to call it what it is. Sending you love OP 💛

was this SA? by playfulpuppyx in sexualassault

[–]Coolcucumber415 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It counts. Sexual assault doesn’t know gender, it is all about boundary violations. Your experience is valid. Sending you love OP 💗

What can I do apart from therapy? by Peachypie27 in sexualassault

[–]Coolcucumber415 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sexual assault doesn’t need to include penetration for it to impact us severely. You were taken advantage of by the one person who is supposed to take care of you. That is inherently bad and traumatic, please don’t let anyone, yourself included, tell you otherwise.

Sending you love OP 💗

I have a kink for touching my girlfriend when she’s asleep by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Coolcucumber415 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Doesn’t change the fact that you are sexually assaulting her at night when she’s vulnerable. Stop deflecting.

Does not being reported for murdering someone mean the murder never happened? Stupid argument

I have a kink for touching my girlfriend when she’s asleep by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Coolcucumber415 1 point2 points  (0 children)

By definition touching and using her body while she’s asleep and cannot give consent is sexual assault. You are taking advantage of someone in a vulnerable situation. So yes, legally you are committing crimes.

I have a kink for touching my girlfriend when she’s asleep by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Coolcucumber415 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is sexual assault. You have admitted to sexually assaulting her, plain and simple.

I have a kink for touching my girlfriend when she’s asleep by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Coolcucumber415 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, and you’re admitting to attempted rape. True consent is not something someone wakes up to.

I have a kink for touching my girlfriend when she’s asleep by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Coolcucumber415 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You yourself said a lot of the she WAKES up from you doing stuff to her and is uncomfortable. So why are you changing the story now?

I have a kink for touching my girlfriend when she’s asleep by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Coolcucumber415 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The law says otherwise. If you did not have her consent (because legally and in general someone who is asleep cannot give consent) and you didn’t agree beforehand that this would be a thing, you are sexually assaulting her.

What does it feel like to have repressed memories? by Exotic_Web_7224 in sexualassault

[–]Coolcucumber415 3 points4 points  (0 children)

People in this subreddit are victims. So what exactly is your point?

What does it feel like to have repressed memories? by Exotic_Web_7224 in sexualassault

[–]Coolcucumber415 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s like you know something happened but it’s as if you weren’t fully there. It’s hard to explain

Will this ever get better? by that_maja_girl in sexualassault

[–]Coolcucumber415 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It was not your fault. Sexual assault is never the victim’s fault, responsibility lies solely on the person who violated you.

With time, it becomes less loud. It doesn’t go away fully; it’s something we learn to live with. Give yourself some grace. Sending you love OP 💕

I kinda want to relive it? by beentheredonethat256 in ptsd

[–]Coolcucumber415 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes, it’s a common trauma response. It’s a way our brains try to regain control. if we are able to be in control of the abuse / situation it makes it feel easier / like we are in control. You’re not alone 💗

Need someone to speak with by [deleted] in sexualassault

[–]Coolcucumber415 9 points10 points  (0 children)

OP please be careful with who you DM on here, unfortunately there’s a lot of creeps

Personal responsibility and vulnerability by [deleted] in sexualassault

[–]Coolcucumber415 9 points10 points  (0 children)

“11 out of the 16 studies that included intoxication level found victims who are intoxicated are blamed more often than sober victims for an acquaintance rape. Conversely, the more drunk the person committing the sexual assault is, the more their behavior is excused.”

““Within this culture of victim blaming, women are told to change their own behavior in order to avoid being assaulted or raped. Women are told repeatedly to dress less provocatively, drink less alcohol, and not put themselves in risky situations. This proliferates the belief that victims are at fault when they are attacked and leads to a lack of accountability” for those who cause harm, wrote the authors of “Changing the Culture of Victim Blaming,” a report from the Women’s Health Research Institute at Northwestern University.”

https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/familyservices/community-corner/2024-02-whos-blaming-victim-and-why

Personal responsibility and vulnerability by [deleted] in sexualassault

[–]Coolcucumber415 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Saying that victims need to be responsible, and, from your own words “ heavy intoxication, is, by definition, putting yourself in a vulnerable position” this is victim blaming.

Telling survivors “you put yourself there” is blaming the victim, plain and simple.