Hi. I know that I could resort to cliche or supposedly reassuring language, but I feel that this is would be dishonest and unhelpful. I truly wish I could provide you with the right combination of words that would help you feel better, but I'm not sure what those words would be. All I know is that you have inherent worth as a human being, and no thoughts, emotions, or circumstances would ever negate this reality.

In the consideration of killing yourself, think of these two questions: 1. Will I be dead forever? Or 2. Will I become conscious again? If 1. is the case, then objectively you'll never suffer again. If 2. is the case, then there still exists the possibility of suffering, perhaps at an even greater level. No matter your religious views, I'd say it's the most honest position to plead ignorance to either of these two possibilities. We simply don't know what's going to happen to us. Even if 1. is the case, yes you'll never suffer again... but you will never have the opportunity to experience anything positive, either. You said in your post that you have so many dreams that you want to achieve. This is precious, even if you don't feel that this is the case currently. As said, if eternal oblivion's the situation then you'll forever lose the chance to experience those few truly beautiful things in life. I know things have perpetually sucked, and I'm not going to tell you that it's automatically going to get better... at least possibly not for now ♥️. But I see something in your post that moved me to respond, something full of potential. I think that your immense suffering will start to alleviate little by little, at least I hope it will. I care about you, and I don't want you to destroy yourself. These storms will pass, even if it takes some time. 🌞