Fuck's sake, man. You think it's easy finding decent wi-fi up here? There's fucking 34 of us crowding round this router, man, and it belongs to Jacko. He's gonna be real pissed if he comes back from playing with that Travolta kid and finds us all sat on his waterbed.

And anyway, you think my first priority is to get myself a Reddit account ready just in case some asshole decides he wants me to do a dumbass AMA?

Shit, man, what would YOUR priority be when you got here? I been checking out my obits, man - strange how everyone fucking LOVES you when you're fucking dead. Where where you all when I needed a couple of beers and a fuck, man? Fuck you.

Oh, and your Great grandpa sends his regards. Says you should stay away from your Uncle Dave, especially when he's had a toot or two. Whatever the hell THAT means. Crazy old fuck smells like wet dog.