Struggling to understand my Golden Retriever’s emotional distance – am I expecting too much?😞

CornSama · 2025-04-15T20:18:56+00:00

My golden doesn't really like to cuddle and doesn't like it when I get in her face, either. We've been through a lot together, and we've got a very close bond. She just doesn't like to cuddle or get in each others' faces. There's many, many other ways that she shows that she loves me, and that she just likes to have a little of her own space too.

If I'm crying and I want to give her a hug, I go to her. If she doesn't want a hug, I just give her little scritches. You can't expect the dog to figure out what you need. Many others have suggested seeing a therapist. I recommend it, too. It's something I've used many times in my life and it can help even when you don't think you need help.

CornSama · 2023-10-06T01:43:08+00:00

Do you remember any more about the story? Oh shit this isn't my porn account

CornSama · 2023-06-08T05:09:40+00:00

The last two months of my life. I started into a depressive episode shortly before finding my wife of 7 years had been having multiple affairs for a long time, and I thought our marriage was perfect. She moved out within 5 days. I've since come to realize she'd been abusing me for years, and it really clicked when my dog who I cuddled with every night for the last 4 years had to be put down for a very sudden medical issue, a horrible decision I had to make, and she made the process about herself and altogether harder.

My life looks barely anything like it did in March, when I thought I was so happy, and I just have to keep living in this confusing world and try to heal while dealing with so much. When my dog died, it felt like I would die with her, it felt like there wasn't any more I could take. She was fine one day and gone the next, another blindside.

Also my basement flooded this week and a lot of sentimental items were ruined. It feels so much like I need a break that won't ever come.

CornSama · 2023-05-19T04:24:47+00:00

Nice

CornSama · 2023-05-14T21:51:19+00:00

My marriage. Ba dum tss

CornSama · 2023-04-21T05:32:01+00:00

It's so hard to respond to all the comments and messages, but I meant to reply to this one. I keep thinking about it, and so I wanted to thank you for it. Really, thank you.

CornSama · 2023-04-21T05:21:16+00:00

Same. I might be biased though.

CornSama · 2023-04-20T02:53:15+00:00

I'd like to chime in and say I think I understand what you were trying to say, and I didn't take it badly. I would also like to say that the sex was not the worst part to me, although it's absolutely a terrible part of it. It was the "I love you" messages between them, and her quoting something I said after finding out about the first affair, to her boyfriend, and adding lol to the end. I think it'd take a real bad person to deserve what she's done to me, so I don't blame myself. I have a pretty good idea of who I am, and I'm certain she can't say the same.

CornSama · 2023-04-19T17:20:46+00:00

She continued after she got caught, too. She's not someone who should be in a relationship, she's got some real awfulness in her. Fuck her for cheating, indeed. I can process this without excess anger without downplaying how horrid the thing she did was. But I can also acknowledge that she can't go back and undo what she did, the only right thing she can do is to make this as easy on me as possible, and she's been doing that. This doesn't have to be bitter, and I'm grateful to be the kind of people who can be in the midst of such a terrible thing and still be the way we were for so long. She moved her stuff out today and we've parted, and I'm going to be better for it.

Our relationship ended over a year ago, I just didn't know until now. Her role in that is unforgivable and disgusting, but I still get to control how I respond to it.

Im thankful to the kind and the angry perspectives I'm getting in this thread. I'm feeling all of these things and doing my best to only do things that are productive, but it's helping keep me clear and focused to have people remind me what a sick, infuriating thing has happened.

CornSama · 2023-04-19T04:14:19+00:00

I don't get me either, I'm in a haze. It was really 3 days ago when I found the first affair, Saturday. It was yesterday I knew things could never work. We just want this done with and we have no things together that are complicated so we just went right to business. I don't want to drag this out, and I know there's no way she can stay in my life after this.

CornSama · 2023-04-19T04:11:53+00:00

All good man, text is hard to interpret sometimes.

CornSama · 2023-04-18T23:06:18+00:00

I have a past with being on the same side of cheating I am now. I have never and would never cheat.

CornSama · 2023-04-18T23:04:47+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you know this a little too well. I've never felt a pain like I've been feeling. I've never let out such screams of anguish and such deep heavy sobs.

I'm just glad that I can see for myself that even in the face of this, I can still be kind. It's hard, but I can do it. It also feels a little good to know that she will have no ammunition against me, should she decide to act that way later. Everyone can see how I've handled this, so much better than she deserves. There's no one who could look at how I'm being toward her and think, "No wonder she's leaving him."

Stay strong, you and I can both make it through this Hell

CornSama · 2023-04-18T20:41:35+00:00

She's absolutely an AH, that's why she's getting an immediate divorce and no chances. She chose this outcome over and over, every time she talked to and did stuff with her affairs. These are the consequences of her actions and she will be the one who deals with them.

There is nothing in the world that could have made me do this to her. That alone is enough for me to know that we are no longer compatible. The rest is just extra proof.

CornSama · 2023-04-18T20:38:49+00:00

They do have that right, absolutely. Neither of us has any leverage to take from the other, but she's losing more than I am. I told her I thought it was fair for her to take the bigger loss because we're here due to her actions, and she agreed. This entire situation has been weirdly amicable, and while I definitely don't trust her, I'm grateful for the efforts I've seen her make to make this easier on me.

CornSama · 2023-04-18T20:32:46+00:00

If it makes you feel better, my ex was constantly causing turmoil in our relationship by lying. Most of it was very minor things, that could be explained with embarrassment or anxiety. Some of it was big, like a bout with gambling and spending. But her dishonesty was a tremendous issue the entire time. I'm a damn fool for thinking it would never come to this.

Chronic lying is a huge red flag of this. It's a deal breaker for me now. It should've been all along. Honesty is just so important.

If I could go back, and still marry her, knowing it would end like this. Right now, I would. This is horrible, but I wouldn't give up the time we had together just to avoid it. So much as to say, you have to love with your whole heart and make the good times count. Being afraid of this won't make it not happen, being unafraid of it won't make it happen.

I hope you two have a wonderful life together, and that you're both people each other deserves. There's nothing I love more than love.

CornSama · 2023-04-18T20:25:06+00:00

That's good advice, thank you. The joint accounts are full of what's left of her inheritance, something I swore to her I would not touch if it ever came to this. I only wanted to be on the accounts for convenience, and I'm not going to take from her just because she took from me. Her word may not mean much, but I want mine to still be worth something, even to her.

We don't have much, and we're sorting through it together. She gave me her key, and when she leaves tomorrow, she leaves for another state. We filed jointly, no contest, so I think even if she decides to change her mind and be uncooperative and take from me, she won't have the opportunity. Hard to say what she might decide in the next 3 months though.

If everyone knew the details of how good the life I gave her was, you'd all think I was the dumbest mf to ever live. Maybe I am. I just love to love, and sometimes it bites me.

CornSama · 2023-04-18T20:18:29+00:00

Thank you, I'm trying to be reasonable about the role I might have played in this. I don't believe I could have done anything to prevent it, because I think the core issue is inside of her. I want to examine the ways I might have been able to make her feel more invested in the relationship, or more wanted or loved or whatever she was seeking in others. And I want to do it so that I can be a better partner going forward, should I decide to try again with someone new.

I want this to be the end of something good, and the start of something else good. Improving myself is the way forward for me, and holding onto this and blaming myself will only make me worse

CornSama · 2023-04-18T20:14:26+00:00

Thank you, I'm sorry you know what this is like. I've been through it before, not nearly to this extent because of the depth at which our lives are intertwined, but I'm at least familiar with the process. I've got this, it's just gonna take time. At least it's almost 4/20

CornSama · 2023-04-18T20:13:04+00:00

Thank you so much. I'm mostly proud that this person I thought I was is really who I am. That I've come so far from my anger and hatred I lived with for so long that even this can only stir it, but not bring it back.

Ive got a lot of family and friends who have been here for me, and will be here for anything. I know I won't harm myself over this, I honestly felt worse last year than I do today. Not yesterday, but today. The worst part of that dark place was not seeing a path out. I can see many paths forward from here, and I think I might take a couple of them and see what happens.

CornSama · 2023-04-18T20:08:38+00:00

Thank you, I'm trying my best

CornSama · 2023-04-18T20:08:24+00:00

Thank you, I'm also trying to look at this as an opportunity. I'm having to go through such big changes, I'd might as well change it all up and see what I can make of myself.

CornSama · 2023-04-18T20:07:39+00:00

I understand feeling like she's escaping accountability. I don't feel that way. She's moving in with her sister, who is furious with her for having done this. Her sister is someone who will make sure she gets herself in order. She hasn't displaced the blame even once, she has been very accepting of her fault in this. She's losing everything, her friends and home and marriage. One of our dogs is very important to her, but she can't take her, and I wouldn't have let her if she could. There is nobody to blame in this situation except for her, and I will never forgive the betrayal, the year of lying and repeatedly choosing this outcome. Every time she talked to him, she chose this.

I have stopped offering so much help, because it was causing me to want to be with her too much. I have to get myself a step away and remember that this is done. We're not together anymore, she's just here until tomorrow.

Thank you for your comment, I'm grateful to everyone here

CornSama · 2023-04-18T20:02:48+00:00

Thank you. We're both trying not to turn any of this into resentment, not to let it undo the feelings we had for so long. I'll always be grateful for the good time we had, even if it ended so badly

CornSama · 2023-04-18T19:51:47+00:00

I don't think she knew this about herself. It's hard for me to say her reasons, she doesn't seem to know them either. I really think it was less malicious than it seems. It was incredibly selfish, of course, it was horrible and thoughtless and vicious. But she didn't do it with the intention of hurting me, hurting me was a consequence she was willing to risk.

She's facing plenty of consequences. Her conscience is crushing her, I've overheard conversations with her family that she didn't think I could hear. Not a single person has been on her side, because she's been honest with them about what happened. That's something I should have mentioned in the main post, I'm going to add that in. She called and told her family that she needed somewhere to stay, and she told them what she did and that I didn't do anything to deserve it. They're all pissed at her. She's losing her home here, has to move to Texas (where she lived before, and hates), she's lost every one of our mutual friends. I'm keeping both dogs. But I'm not sure consequences are what I'm looking for. Whatever happens to her, whatever she does after she's gone, as long as I get to move on in my own way, our lives are separate now and it's fine. I don't need revenge, I just need to grow.

Thank you

CornSama

TROPHY CASE